Feeding the fire within

Reflection

leksie — Sun, 1 Jun 2014 09:00:00 GMT

“And just stay here in this moment” … the song by Aerosmith was stuck in my head as I headed south with my parents. The sunrays were hitting my face through-out the 9hour drive to Plymouth. I thought I would hate doing nothing while being stuck in a hot, stuffy car…but I didn’t. I actually quite enjoyed it. Actually, I wish I could time travel and land back in the car so I could change some of the things I did. I would do anything to go back to the beginning.

You see… what I really wanted from that trip is to just have fun. However, during my planning and possible scenarios being created in my tiny brain I excluded others. I simply ignored other people’s feelings and their plans. I didn’t even think about how other people could essentially make me realise how much I have changed since I moved to Scotland.
This trip, instead of being fun, ended up being the “realisation” point.

Whenever I meet a new person I feel pressure. It is natural of a human being to have expectations and therefore it is important to spread positive energy and seem happy. A person decides if he or she likes you within the first 20 seconds of your meeting thus it is important to show your best qualities.

With age, I feel like I became more mean and ignorant. It seems like the world has hardened me.

I could be writing about all the pretty sights I’ve seen while describing the feelings that came along with the raw beauty but I don’t want to. I’ll write about that some other time. Emotions often quickly change therefore it is important to reflect and learn something from them. People you meet are significant in your life. After all, they’re the ones who always make you realise what the moral of the story is.

So what I’ve learnt over the past 10 days is to stick to your original plan. Always. No exceptions… but also embrace changes. Don’t live in the past.

Photos: 2014

leksie — Sat, 17 May 2014 07:45:00 GMT

Trip to Plymouth

Little Gem

leksie — Sat, 10 May 2014 07:51:36 GMT

In my soft dress, on the harsh ground, under tree in bloom and the cloudless sky, I sat. Eternities were spent on staring at the restless moving leaves as the wind gently swayed them around. I was trained to be entertained by nothing. I thought scrutinizing and recalling every single detail of each branch was more than satisfying. Each backyard treasure was imbued with fragrant white waxy flowers-little gems- complementing the glossy, yet stale leaves. My mum used to call me her little gem but as I became ignorant to the pervading scent each common blossom created-she became ignorant to my presence.

Ignorance represented eagerness. An eagerness for seeking pleasure caused by spontaneity. The environment I was in never did- and never could- bring me comfort… I fell asleep by allowing my imagination to fulfill my appetite for adventure. In my dreams, I was not just simply a shadow- always following and looking for the light- but I was a precious chessboard piece. I was as wise as an old monk. I was as special as a little gem. I could not shine in the dark, but I could set myself free.

I thought my sleeping ritual would never be disturbed, but the sound of a second lasting, gentle melody made the dream world turn into a reality. Precious, light rocks were being thrown at my window. I could not think who it might be. I jumped up from my bed and quietly headed for the window. At the sight of three spontaneous, superlative, special souls and two orange cones at both sides of my house gate- I could not stop grinning. For the first time, the earthquake inside my body was neither caused by pressure nor stress. My heart was pounding as if it wanted to break free. It was physically growing. Thoughtlessly, I grabbed my coat, my house keys and my uggs. Wasting time on tying dirty shoelaces would have been unforgivable.

Firstly, I was ecstatic. I was about to sneak out during the night like an outgoing teenager; something I have only seen in movies. Secondly, I was scared. I felt fear because every protagonist has to face a difficultly. Thirdly, I was sad. I was fully aware I had to treasure every second of my adventure; after a second passes, it is impossible to live the same second again. So when I hesitantly reached for the cold front door handle, I promised myself I would only spread warmth once I was outside. I would face every situation like a task aimed to challenge my positivity because, after all, this was the first day I truly felt like a little gem.