As I lay in this field amongst a large circle of rocks that I discovered in my wandering I am able to be me. The dying leaves are having one last dance with the passing breeze before they fall of their trees and cease to be. Their music is comforting to me as I lie here in the dirt and soak up the last bit of fall. Already a blanket of leaves cover the ground, the garden has been put to bed and the leaning trees that are gathered here with me seem to be embracing their nakedness. The sun warms up the ground and my soul and the sky, as it always seems to be here, is vibrantly blue, bringing life to the desert along with the sun. The birds are singing and I feel as though I am the only one that is struggling with the leaving of fall and coming of winter.
My eyes are open wide to His glorious presence that surrounds me and I feel a strong connection to this land that surrounds me, for although it is new and unfamiliar to my senses, my spirit is one with it. I realize that we were created from the same heart and that we were created for each other.
Nature is teaching me to embrace the season’s life brings and stand firmly in the ground I have been planted in, regardless of what is going on around me. Perhaps I feel at home here, lying in the mud, face in the sun because I am familiar with its rhythms and know that it will always be a part of me.
Utah has been many things to me. I feel as though I have lived in a dream. The landscape here speaks and moves deeply inside of me. When I reflect on my time here I see myself with my hands in the dirt, my body against red rock, my spirit flying with the birds as colors dance through the sky. I’ve made friends and been in the company of others, but I’ve felt mostly alone. I’ve been awakened almost every morning by the sun coming over the La Sal Mountains, through the golden leaves of the apple trees into the stained glass windows to me. I’ve sat on the front porch of the cabin often with a hot cup of tea and watched the day turn into night. The mountains are the same, yet always different. I am often in the presence of deer, I believe they are watching me now and I hate that I have had to chase them out of the garden because I realize this is more their home than mine. Their closeness teaches me to walk slowly and gently, creating peace with them in my step. I desire oneness and it seems that I find it here in the wild more than the homes and businesses of my fellow people. I wish that wasn’t so although perhaps I wouldn’t experience the magic of the earth so vividly if I weren’t so hungry for it. I have always had this connection to the earth, as I believe we all do deep inside, but even more than ever have I allowed my wings to glide and ceaselessly carry me across the big blue sky. I suppose I should be more thankful for my loneliness for it has united me ever more deeply with the earth. Colors are dancing through my mind now as I remember last nights sun set in the desert with its bright orange skies. My heart is filled with excitement as I think back to climbing up looking glass arch, watching the sun set at its summit in colors I won’t attempt to describe, then rappelling 200 feet down a crack into a rock canyon where we built a fire beside the full moon, ate some soup, swung across the canyon on a giant rope swing and sat in the sand in awe of the night time sky and the shooting stars flying by.
As the ground below me begins to cool and the sun begins to hide, I realize that it’s getting close to that time and I must leave my imagination here and force my mind to study and my dreams to sit quietly and abide until tomorrows sunrise.
