Today the volunteers and I went to Pachacutec. I worked
again in the Wa Wa Wasis (turns out this is the Incan word for baby house).
At first, the babies were very mellow, but then toward the middle,
things got a little crazy. One of the toddlers attacked me with his sharp
nails. He plunged his nails into my skin and I started to bleed. Honestly, I
felt very upset. At Pachacutec, the children develop at an average level, so it
made it harder for me to be understanding toward that child. He would not let
go of my arm. He literally held my arm in his nails until the Mama at the Wa Wa
Wasi took him away. I’m still mad thinking about it. I’ve never met such an
aggressive, average developing toddler. The whole entire time, I tried my best
to stay away from him. I felt truly scared of that child.
But then I started paying attention to the other toddlers. I
noticed they were all aggressive. I started to remember that usually children
who remain in low-quality child care centers for long periods of time within a
week tend to be much more aggressive than the average child who spends less
time in a child care setting. Remembering this helped motivate me to work with
Rodrigo, the child who tried to tear my arm apart.
Allie and I played with the toddlers, fed them, and held them.
It was pretty much mellow for the remainder of the time. That and the fact that
Kiara loves me! :) She always stops crying when I hold her and she always
laughs when I talk to her. And when I feed her, it’s the best thing ever. She
loves it when I feed her because I sing and dance. It’s like a meal and
entertainment in one sitting :D! It’s so great to see her smile or laugh.
In the afternoon, the volunteers and I went to La Punta to
visit the girls. We first went over some English lessons then everyone just
started doing their own thing. One of the girls read my palm and said there was
someone who is thinking of me a lot and is very worried about me. Interesting
eh? Time just flew by with the girls. Before I knew it, it was time to leave.
On a completely different note, last night, I could feel
myself rebuilding my wall. It made me really sad to watch myself rebuild that
wall around me. I wanted to cry because that was something that I did not want,
but I felt so scared.
Fortunately, I am super lucky to have a friend who
acknowledges my feelings and truly cares about my happiness. I stopped myself
from doing something that I knew I would regret. I stopped myself from building
that wall.
It’s so unlike me to be this way. I’m scared. I really am. I
have never been this scared about anything. I like to think that I am
courageous and that I can do anything, but I feel truly vulnerable and I
question everything.
I’m worried that everything is too good to be true right now
so I am trying to run away before I get hurt. It’s not like me to be this way.
And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to put you through this. Trust me, you’re truly
something special and I’m so happy and thankful you’re my friend. Please know
that if you feel the need to invest your time in someone else, I would
completely understand. After all, your happiness is what matters most to me. :)
Okay bye! :D
