Terrifying, anxiety, depression, panic, tears, anger, loniless... yes, I felt all of that as soon as I stepped to the customs agent after I landed in Heathrow Airport located just on the brink of London. The gentleman asked me a million questions and it felt like I was standing there for hours. This was no ordinary "question and answer" process. I've been through plenty of those. This one felt like I was some sort of threat to the queen. He wouldn't allow me to pass until after 30 mins of "what do you do? why are you here? who are you meeting? what do you mean you are by yourself? Where are you staying? how much money do you have in the bank? checking or savings? Are your parents alive? are they still togther? Would they be willing to send you money if you needed it? are you going to live here? Do you you have a boyfriend? what do your parents do for a living? what does your boyfriend do for a living? Stand on your head and count to thirty in japenese backwards. What's the queen's blood type? What hand do I (the customs agent) write with?"
okay okay maybe the last 3 questions are an exaggeration but, he may as well have asked me those along with the others. Finally at the end, he asked me "do you know why I asked you all those questions?" to which I responded "to scary the living bajeezus out of me?!" Then walked away. I won't bore you with the rest of the details of the airport experience. I'll just sum it up... lost, run ovr by a little old british lady and her cart, lost again, asked directions (apparntly the giant backpack didn't tip them off), lost again, stared at, and finally, cried when I got to the train station I was looking for for 30mins. The attendant there was very supportive there and ended our conversation with "you'll be fine, you can do this...miss? please stop crying and laughing at the same time.... just go to the lifts and wait at platform 2.
My main goal was to first find my hostel and then to email my parents that I arrived safely. While I was waiting for the paddington connect, there was a twianese man standing next to me looking just as nervous and scared as I probably did. When the London express arrived, he looked at me as if I knew where he was going. He to asked me for directions to his hotel.
His name was Ney-yo and he was in England for 2 weeks by himself. We ended up chatting while on the train to paddington. I felt relieved to meet a fellow traveler in the first hour of my trip. For some reason I thought he would be on my train the entire way to the hostel. I was wrong. We spilt up at an even bigger station and scrambled for the next platform... mine was in hungaria(not really).
It took me 2 hours on 2 different trains until I got to my hostel. It was almost 930 at night and I had no idea where to go next. So, I just started walking aimlessly around the street until I saw someone. It was the manager of my hostel! I was so ecstatic that I almost hugged him! The hostel was called "FRESH" and it is located above a bar named "The green Man" (and no mom, I wasn't talking to a green man.. that's just what it was called).
I checked in, found my room (7) and my bed (18). After dropping my back down in the dark because some Aussie was grumpy and watching a movie on his computer at 930pm... um YOU'RE 24! Go to the BAR! I went back downstairs to grab a pint and something to eat. Lonely, exhausted, and somewhat pathetic looking I sat at a table by myself and watched a "football" game. While sitting at the table waiting for my pizza (yeah I know ! First night in the UK and I get an american dish!!! I didn't have a choice. It was either pizza or wings [that made me miss my dad]), I started feeling this sense of accomplishment. I'm from a small(ish) town in PA and never had to use public transportation before and here, I navigated my way from the airport to my hostel all by myself (with the exception of the attendant). I also noticed that many of the people in the bar were from the hostel upstairs. They seemed like they have been here long enough to make friends and "cliques" which didn't help my feelings of being a hermit. Yeah, I know I will make friends but, right then, right there, on that chair, sitting at that table, after traveling for almost 20hours.... I felt more alone than any human should ever have to experience.
