Over
the past few weeks I have been teaching my students about patterns. First they have to learn the word in
English, then they have to learn Circle, Triangle, Square, etc. in English. Then they have to learn pencil, trace,
draw, copy and continue in English.
I am tired just thinking about it.
Obviously they do not learn the first time around so I repeat myself
over and over and over again. And
in this process I discovered something about myself and the patterns that I
fall victim to because of my own fears, shortcomings, hopes and comforts.
For
the first time since I left my home country for another, 1999, when I went to
Italy, I altered my thought patterns and my approach to living my life. As you all know, I have traveled
numerous times and during these travels the same things usually occur. I go to an amazing country for a few
weeks, months and come back with a new boyfriend. (Or, I meet a boy from another country in my backyard). I know and have always known that I
have always been attracted to the mystery, beauty and unfamiliarity of other
cultures, peoples, traditions and languages. And, I know that one of the many reasons I am always
dating foreign men is so that I can somehow grasp a piece of this. I have always looked for men who can
bring me to their home towns and give me the opportunity to explore and
discover new worlds and their traditions.
Or, I have sought out local men who would be interested in working
abroad or creating a new life somewhere else.
Never
did I once think: if I want to live abroad, or travel abroad or experience and
discover abroad, that I should make this life for myself rather than depend on
someone else to do this for me.
Or, I did think about it but was too afraid to go for it for
myself. The idea of someone else
doing it and me riding on their efforts was much easier to fathom.
And,
for the first time, in Peru (India for me does not count) I came here following
my passion and desire to dance and learn more about dancing. And, I took a job for myself so that I
can continue to have this opportunity to be abroad and explore what will unfold
before me during the holidays, festivals, daily living, etc. And for the first time I have become
responsible for my own fate.
