Well, I'm coming up to the final days of my trip. It has really been quite an emotional ride. In a matter of weeks I have been forced to confront a lot of personal issues and have a deeper faith in myself and my personal strength then ever before.
My biggest concern was whether I was actually helping people and making a difference or not. With every decision or action I've made I have repetitively second guessed whether it has benefit to the the orphanage, or the community or the economy or the country in general and as you can imagine this has just created more confronting questions rather then helping to solve anything. As I have read deeper into Cambodia's history I had become tormented in my wake and slumber about the horrors the nation has seen, making me feel more and more helpless. So, I had given up, convincing myself that I was stupid to think I could help others anyway. And it was only when I had stopped trying so hard that I realized if I just relax and be myself I do a better job of it. I have built some really special relationships with some of these kids and shown all of them that I love them and care about them at a time in their lives they must be feeling so abandoned and unloved. I have written up with the help of Loz a pretty solid English program that will allow a bit more consistency in their English classes even after I'm gone hopefully, so future volunteers or English teachers have a bit more direction and structure whilst still having the freedom to remain flexible for their own teaching styles and ideas. I am the individual that has benefited the most out of this trip but I like to think I have done some good work for others along the way.
