My Travels

13th February 2012

imelda — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 11:54:00 GMT

Well, I'm coming up to the final days of my trip. It has really been quite an emotional ride. In a matter of weeks I have been forced to confront a lot of personal issues and have a deeper faith in myself and my personal strength then ever before.

My biggest concern was whether I was actually helping people and making a difference or not. With every decision or action I've made I have repetitively second guessed whether it has benefit to the the orphanage, or the community or the economy or the country in general and as you can imagine this has just created more confronting questions rather then helping to solve anything. As I have read deeper into Cambodia's history I had become tormented in my wake and slumber about the horrors the nation has seen, making me feel more and more helpless. So, I had given up, convincing myself that I was stupid to think I could help others anyway. And it was only when I had stopped trying so hard that I realized if I just relax and be myself I do a better job of it. I have built some really special relationships with some of these kids and shown all of them that I love them and care about them at a time in their lives they must be feeling so abandoned and unloved. I have written up with the help of Loz a pretty solid English program that will allow a bit more consistency in their English classes even after I'm gone hopefully, so future volunteers or English teachers have a bit more direction and structure whilst still having the freedom to remain flexible for their own teaching styles and ideas. I am the individual that has benefited the most out of this trip but I like to think I have done some good work for others along the way.

25th January 2012

imelda — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 01:14:00 GMT

As I'm teaching an English lesson this morning there is one girl that I just can't seem to get interested. I tried adapting the content to something I think she may be more interested in, I tried making it a bit easier and she continued with correct yet brief contributions so I made it harder which she just seemed to withdraw from completely. I think "perhaps she is tired, let's make a physical activity" but she just quietly walked away seemingly without being noticed, the first chance she got. I tried asking her what the matter was and I could see she was crying. She said "I am good, I am happy". I asked if something had happened that had made her sad, and she said "no I am good". She obviously just did not want to talk to me, not because she didn't like or trust me I don't think, but because why would she try to talk about something she is finding hard in her life in a strange and foreign language.

When I first started my bachelor of education my goal was always to do psychology or counseling as well because the teacher student relationship can create a trust and bond that is just what an individual needs at a confusing age in their life. As my degree seemed to drag and drag, this idea became less and less appealing until it was forgotten altogether. In my early years I wanted to be the teacher that the student could talk to about their problems at home such as sibling or parental abuse, teasing, bullying. But what if the child doesn't have a home, yet alone parents for that matter, and they have been separated from there several siblings. These are children in the ultimate life crisis at the most tender age of their lives. I have no way of possibly helping them unless I master the Khmer language in a matter of days! And even then, In a matter or weeks I get to go back to my clean, warm running water, refrigerator, toilet paper and other "daily essentials".

23rd of January 2012

imelda — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:24:00 GMT

I sit here in my room alone, paralysed. Correction, i sit here in my room, with my illusive gecko friend, paralysed. Physically and emotionally I have been drained. I came here knowing that it was going to be hard work and I was willing and ready for the challenge. But somewhere along the way, I think it may have been my holiday in Thailand, it got left behind. Or perhaps I was naive to think that I could prepare myself for this at all. My day got off to a rocky start. When I was supposed to be merrily riding my bike on my way to save the world I was instead stuck in my room with diahorrea and vomiting. Whether it was the food, ice or my suspicion, the malaria tablets, i did fortunately start to feel better in time for the afternoons English classes at the orphanage. With an hour or two to spare I decided to drop into the NGO CONcert to see if they could assure me of the legitimacy of the orphanage I'm working at. They could not vouch for the orphanage directly but provided me with a lot of helpful information to stay aware. After a long conversation, a lot of reading material and a morning of contemplation, the realities of the situation over here really started to sink in. I was told to make sure that the orphanage does background checks on their staff, have you sign off on a child protection policy, provide adequate living conditions. I turned up to find none of these things. Although I feel confident that the place isn't using the orphanage as a front for the sex trade, or to make personal profits to greedy business owners, the living standard does not meet that of the WHO but the intentions and will is there. When I asked a girl if she was happy here she smiled and said "yes, this is my family".