Thursday February 16, 2012
Before describing the day of my almost missed departure I must inform you about the chaotic series of events that prelude my trip:
1. A few days before I received a "Notice to Vacate" my apartment for the day after I return from my trip
2. Car was towed from outside my apartment the week before, I had to cough up $300 in cash to get it out!
3. I temporarily lost my passport 2 days before my trip, in the midst of packing my things to prepare to be a gypsy when I return!
So this may give you an idea about the state of mind I was in. To make things worst,the more bad things that happened the more frantic I became, which only exasperated problems.
That Thursday was the last day that I went to work. I was a nervous wreck. I misplaced my phone among many other things that day. At that point I was beginning to question even going on my trip at this point as some people had pointed out all the possible "signs" that were deterring me.
I found myself loosing clarity and focus, which for a person like myself who has Attention Deficit Disorder, this sort of chaos and panic can be detrimental. I knew I needed to center and ground myself as I was drifting to far outside of myself. Given this, I knew just the person to speak with.
I have a very wise friend whom I work with, she started traveling to India on her own at the age of 17 and she is both adventurous and centered. She now runs a meditation center here in Miami and in India. I entered her office shaking and near tears. I told her I needed her advise. She asked me to sit down. She asked me what was wrong, I explained to her the series of events and I told her I was afraid that they were signs that I was not meant to go. I also told her about the many warnings I received from others about how dangerous Brazil can be, especially for foreigners during Carnival. My wise friend asked me not what I heard or what I was afraid of, but what I truly felt. I told her that I wanted to go, but my biggest concern was that my fear would cloud my clarity. I have learned in my history of traveling that clarity and clear focused mind can be your best friend while traveling in foreign lands. She pulled a stack of cards and asked me to pull one and it would be the mantra for my trip.
My card was titled - Stillness in the flame. It described that no matter how chaotic things become outside of myself, no matter how many things that I try to do, I must only look inward find the stillness in the flame. Wow.. for the first time I was beginning to understand that maybe this trip was meant to be and this gave me the courage to confront these "tests" and obstacles head on.
