FFS I have been writing this one for ages. And the internet ether has stolen it! Which, just goes to show, what kind of crap Bangkok is!
The story went something like this...
This one could have been called 'kidnapped in Bangkok' or 'I fricking hate Bangkok, get me out of here!'.
Yesterday I was too jet-lagged to do anything except sleep, but went for a mooch, pointed at a menu and said 'choose' and got pad thai which was nice. Later I had a lovely Italian meal, probably the best ever, but if an Italian meal is my highlight, why am I not in Italy?
Today, I got up to do the tourist thing. Early. Discovered I had been bitten twice. Well, on my calf and on my elbow, but more accurately at least 10 times in clusters. Mosquitoes and me are not a happy combination (well, they probably are!) The zappy thing is NOT working, nor is the cream. I had the Asian breakfast. Potato-y gloopy stuff. With ginger. NOT GOOD!
Got a taxi. Wanted to go to Wat Pho and the Grand Palace. That was the plan, I like plans. Allowed myself to get stiffed by the taxi by not insisting on the meter, but £6 seemed like a fair deal - would have been £20 in London. At least. We get to Wat Pho. But I'm not allowed in. A man in a uniform tells me the monks are praying and the Royal family is visiting. I know this is a scam. The guidebook says so. But he doesn't let me in, and he doesn't let me walk down the street to a different entrance. Instead he insists I get in a tut tut and the man will show me various other wats (temples) for 50baht. So, I reckon OK, I should do the tut tut thing and that's a deal (£1).
And then the worst 2 hours begins. Driving in a tut tut is NOT fun. Hot wind in your face. The smell of the fumes in your mouth. We did first go to a wat where another man told me I had a lot in common with the Buddha. We're both fat. Lovely. Just what I needed to hear when panic was rising up inside me. Roll on detox. And then the tut tut man wanted to take me shopping. When I walked in and promptly walked out of a tailor's he was visibly not happy. (I could have been measured for a cashmere suit for £40 but what would I want with one of those?!). It seems that he gets petrol coupons from the stores if I stay a while.. So, I played along for him at two more stores. Just seemed easier, I was his prisoner. At one, I must admit, I bought a couple of cheap rings but I am a shopaholic at heart. I firmly insisted after that that he return me to the Grand Palace which he did in a sulk.
So, actually, he got me back to Wat Pho. Which is beautiful, lovely, amazing colourful architecture. Lost on me in my mood. It felt like a sauna outside, I was tired, thirsty and hungry. And I'd left my camera at the hotel. I made my way to the massage place, it's supposed to be the best place to get the traditional Thai massage, and that 1hour respite was nice if painful. I am now truly ironed out. And bruised. Again. But after, I just wanted to go home. I ate at a street stall (so might die of food poisoning, but it tasted good) and then got a taxi home. On the meter.
Bangkok might have some amazing sights. But I won't be seeing them. I've had enough of the place. I think when I return for my flight home, I shall time it so I just connect at the airport. Tonight I will go back to the Italian restaurant - the aubergine mozarella bake was to die for.
Early flight tomorrow. The beach beckons.
Bangkok, RIP.
