We all have inner struggles. Some of us try to work through them; others just ignore it and go through their lives without worrying (ignorance is bliss). Maybe there are other responses. For me, I try to work through some, ignore others. My love/hate relationship with New York is one I’m currently grappling with. Hence two titles to this post
I realize this may sound cynical at times, and it is. Cause I am a New Yorker and we can be cynical. Tough shit. Oh, and this rambles at times. Again, tough shit.
People say New York is the best city in the world. Sure, if you like being an asshole. Otherwise good luck. I used to like being an asshole but I don't want to anymore. I don't want to argue over a parking spot. I don't want to dodge people and fight to be first in line. I don’t want to say “tough shit” instead of actually working things out. It's that simple. Maybe Cali has taken me over.
I just watched a clip from Dinner with Andre, a great dialogue heavy movie from the early 80s. In it one of the characters compares New York to a concentration camp built and guarded by its own inmates. It's "bread and circus", a distraction from what's really happening in the world. To be honest I feel this way about sports more than anything, but that's for another post.
Sure there are all sorts of things to do here, but do you need that many options? Are we that easily bored? To be fair there is a lot of music and dance and art in New York, things that I feel are welcome distractions from what's happening in the world. Stuff you can only see in NY. Magical forces that have the power to heal, to produce positive change in the world. But even these powers of positive change can be co-opted by the corporations to be used as more fodder for the masses or as a tool to make the few richer, and the rest of us poorer (service fees? how much is that beer?)
Had 3 hours to kill in the city the other day. I walked passed Rockefeller Center, Radio City, Broadway, Times Square, 42nd street, Central Park. 30 Rock, BB Kings, Jimmy Fallon, Colbert. All the way from the East River to the Hudson on the West side and back again. Walked passed fifty or so Starbucks looking for a coffee shop that didn't look corporate. Got a coffee and pastry at a little bakery eventually. Saw a lady curse out a taxi driver, classic New York. A few trees are in bloom right now but many are still bare, which makes the blooming ones really stand out and look beautiful.
I saw statues, horse carriages, public squares, a few ornate buildings and a little bit of nice architecture. Things I went searching for overseas. NYC is a tourist town, and I think that's another reason I left. Not that it was a conscious decision. I just knew, even as a naive high school grad that I wanted to get out. I'm glad I did. And Long Island is even worse cause at least you can walk around the City and see all the things I did in the span of a few hours. If you don’t have a car on the Island you’re more or less screwed.
I'm going back into the city tonight to meet some friends for dinner at a Moroccan restaurant. New York has a million food options, pretty much any cuisine you want you can find. Though more of them are corporatized these days than when I grew up, you can still find some gems. I hope this is one.
Then I'm going to a show at Webster Hall, a venue I haven't been to in 20 years. I will see a benefit show for Bernie Worrell, a keyboard genius, one of the guys who made Parliament Funkadelic the sonic and funk powerhouse they became, and the basis for so much hip hop (Dr Dre may not exist- so much of his work samples P-Funk). Bernie helped the Talking Heads take it to the next level. He's a virtuoso, not just at playing but at creating tones and sounds, which as a keyboardist I know can be the hardest part. There's a laundry list of performers that are going to be there, Bootsy, Clinton, and Parker from P-Funk, Leo from the Meters, Living Color, Paul Shaffer, Nona Hendryx, Screaming Headless Torsos... that's something you can only see in a city like New York or New Orleans. Twenty five acts in one club on one night. And that’s just the show I chose for the evening, there’s plenty more going on in the city and in Brooklyn.
And the whole time I’m walking through the city I can’t get this Genesis song out of my head
"Back In N.Y.C."
I see faces and traces of home back in New York City-
So you think I'm a tough kid? Is that what you heard?
Well I like to see some action and it gets into my blood.
The call me the trail blazer-Rael-electric razor.
I'm the pitcher in the chain gang, we don't believe in pain
'cos we're only as strong, as the weakest link in the chain.
Let me out of Pontiac when I was just seventeen,
I had to get it out of me, if you know what I mean, what I mean.
You say I must be crazy, 'cos I don't care who I hit, who I hit.
But I know it's me that's hitting out and I'm not full of shit.
I don't care who I hurt, I don't care who I do wrong.
This is your mess I'm stuck in, I really don't belong.
When I take out my bottle, filled up high with gasoline,
You can tell by the night fires where Rael has been, has been.
As I cuddled the porcupine
He said I had none to blame, but me.
Held my heart, deep in hair,
Time to shave, shave it off, it off.
No time for romantic escape,
When your fluffy heart is ready for rape. No!
Off we go.
You're sitting in your comfort you don't believe I'm real,
You cannot buy protection from the way that I feel.
Your progressive hypocrites hand out their trash,
But it was mine in the first place, so I'll burn it to ash.
And I've tasted all the strongest meats,
And laid them down in colored sheets.
Who needs illusion of love and affection
When you're out walking the streets with your mainline connection?
I can and should write a post about California and Santa Cruz, but let’s wait until I get back there to start thinking about that.
So to sum it up, coming to New York makes me remember the reasons I don’t like New York, even when I take advantage of the things I love about New York. That’s my struggle.
