This journal entry is not about a recent destination I've visited. It's more about the journey that brought me here. I hope that it can inspire someone or at least help all of those people who do not understand my decision to do this a little more understanding.
About a year ago I was at a point in my life that felt so stagnant I thought I might drown in the stillness of it. What did I have to complain about? I had a great, stable job. It afforded me a life of travel and I accomplished the goal of paying off my debt and being able to save money. As much as I have always hated my career I actually liked my job. I had a boyfriend. I had amazing friends and family. I lived in one of the most unique places on Earth. I had my health. I was so stable that I was afraid of the unseen force that would inevitably knock me down.
I was in a constant state of feeling unappreciative of everything I had. My boyfriend tried but nothing he did could fill the void of wanting that "perfect" partner. Do they exist? I hear that they do and it is my romanticism and faith that keeps me from settling for something that doesn't quite make the grade. My mind consistently planned the next escape, the next adventure, the next vacation. I wanted a change.
I had an apartment with art on the walls and a refrigerator filled with food. A big screen tv and my Xbox. A vehicle that was paid off. This hadn't happened in YEARS.
And yet, I felt so alone. So unhappy. I could not go a day without thinking "what the hell am I doing here????". It is the easiest thing to tell someone in that situation to just change it. Sure. But change to WHAT? I had no idea what could make me happy. Shouldn't I just stay where I have a sure paycheck and a man in my life? Is being poor and alone better than having money and having a significant other but yet still feel alone every day? I now have the answer…
Yes. On a budget and no man wins. To have money and the ideal partner in life would be amazing. I just choose not to wait in one place and hope that it may happen. If you want something in life, you have to be aggressive and go for it. It may seem like things just come easily to some people. Maybe it does. But do they appreciate it? No one is going to read your mind and know what you want if you don't express it or act on it.
I made the decision to quit it all and travel. It was the hugest burden lifted from my soul. I immediately looked forward to life again. I may not have a husband and children to mark my place in the world but I hope that by traveling I can leave a different kind of mark.
Getting through the panic of organizing the logistics of this lifestyle is definitely worth it. Not everyone is in my position and can do exactly what I did. However, I urge anyone who is not happy to MAKE A CHANGE. People are forever telling me how "brave" I am for traveling alone. I think it was a survival instinct for me. The courageous part of this whole venture was the very beginning when I decided to actually do it. I had a choice. Stay cowardly in a life that was so unfullfilling or be brave and do the inconceivable.
I am sitting here in a very comfortable bed in a hostel in Quito, Ecuador. Every once in a while I miss certain aspects of my old life but never enough to be homesick. In fact, thinking about returning gives me heart palpitations and actually caused a week of panic attacks a few weeks ago. I have met some of the best people in the world on my short journey so far. Yes, there are times when I feel lonely. Right now, for instance. I get through it by knowing that tomorrow when I travel to my next adventure I will meet more people who help fill any "void" there may be in my heart. I don't know where my life will lead but I am now in a place where I am excited to see the finale.
Be brave my friends. If I can do it. You can do it. I'll help in any way I can.
I hope this finds you all safe, warm, happy, and healthy.
