I've been in Edinburgh for a little over a week now. I've walked around the Old and New town multiple times. And it is beautiful here. But, theres something missing. I can't explain it. The first week was unbeatable. I met a local boy on my first day here and we spent the next few days togther, pretty much inseparable. But, now we see each other only every few days and I'm full of insecurities and fears. I'm not sure if things are cooling off or whats going on. But it's starting to occur to me just how vulnerable of a position I'm in. I think I fell in love with him in the first week, which is ridiculous, logically speaking. But since when do I sit with logic? I have one other friend here and I must be driving her nuts already wth my obsessive thoughts and anxiety. Perhaps Edinburgh has proven to be a short term place and I should consider moving on and setting up in the Highlands. Perhaps Edinburgh is not meant to be my home. I may have found some work though and I'm looking for a short term rental. I've had some feed back from a few job places but nothing concrete. I haven't got an appetite due to my anxiety kicking up, so I've lost a fair amount of weight. I'm concerned about my mental health but I'm hoping it will all come right once I get a bit more settled. I'm trying to stay positive but it's my mind I can never fully escape from. On top of everything, I miss my family dreadfully. I talked briefly with my sister in law and niece yesterday. My friends are all just a short text away but I miss having people around me who know me. By bunk mate was very sweet and brought me hot chocolate in bed last night. I've pulled my hip so I've been limping around like a sad sap.
Leaving it here until I'm in better spirits.
Love,
Christine
