Intrigued by the title? Yeersss.
Well, nothing much
has happened this week. So I decided to spend some of this post
discussing the menagerie that is becoming our apartments. Hmm, where
to start...
Ah yes, giant spiders. Once upon a time, in a land of Macau... wait, I mean, in the land
of Macau... there lived some people who were hanging out in Coloane.
Coloane was a beautiful land (feel the alliteration... er, or maybe
not. Linds pointed out that it is, in fact, just rhyme. Poor rhyme at
that. Anyhow, back to the story) inhabited by the biggest *%^#$*&%
spider I have ever seen in my LIFE. This thing had a span of about 6
inches, and was black and yellow, and shiny, and looked meaner than
Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear. Four "and"'s used in that
sentence. I suck. I think I took a picture of said booger-being, but
I musta deleted it. I really suck.
Anyhow, after
departure from Coloane, the people who lived there went to go to live a
place a little further in the distance in Chengdu. There are about 15
mistakes in the previous sentence, and I can't be flanged fixing them
right now, coz this is a spider-story, and no-one will give a damn
about sentence structure when they get a glimpse of Ernesto. Back to
the story. Upon arriving in Chengdu, the people who once lived in
Coloane thought they would be free from the giant spiders of Coloane
and Macau, but they would be wrong because they weren't.
Okay,
I'm gonna give up on writing crap sentences, 'cause it looks like I'm
good at it. Dang. Apologies if it got annoying. I'm gonna skip all
the niceties and start with the blurry pic of Ernesto. Hold onto your
stomachs, folks.
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Ernesto meet world. World meet Ernesto. World, change underpants.
We
first came across Ernesto's younger brother hanging outside the door.
One of our neighbours jumped out of her skin when she saw him. I,
being the arachnophile, gently ushered Ernesto's brother (or cousin, I
wasn't sure... anyway, he was a lot teenier than Ernesto) out the door
and into the discarded washing machine. Ernesto's cousin/brother was
never seen nor heard of again.
Then came another one
of Ernesto's relatives, this time hangin' out in Lindsay's kitchen. Of
course, Lindsay is not an arachnophile such as myself (what a poncy way
of saying she doesn't like spiders), so I had to usher this one out the
window. Piece of cake.
Then came the dead crickets.
For
the last week or so, I've been noticing an unusual change in my
apartment. Instead of having crickets hangin' out in the shower
enjoying a nice cup of Chengdu-scum mixed with shaving foam (or
alternatively, crawling up my legs after I've finished drying myself
off, just for kicks), the crickets appear to be, er, a little legless,
and I'm not meaning in the metaphorical "we just spent a night at
Pete's Tex-Mex drinking Heinies" way, I mean, their legs were (pardon
the pun) two or three feet away from their torsos. Poor crickets. How
could this be happening?
And that was when I decided
to have some milk. Wow, that sounds really disjointed... and you
thought I had given up on writing crappy sentences. Well, guess
what... the milk is integral to the plot! Hah! So I wander into the
kitchen, and a fleeting shadow catches my eye. It didn't look very
large, whatever it was. Hmm, let's just have a peek under the sink -
Ernesto. There he was. Awesome!
So
I usher him out of the kitchen, and seeing as he ate all the crickets
there anyhow, he was only too happy to oblige. But boy, talk about
greased-lightning! This puppy went from standstill to about 150 miles
an hour in 0.13 seconds. Ferrari could learn a lesson or two here...
try eight legs instead of four wheels, hah. So instead, Ernie set up
home near my laundry, probably because my laundry tends to smell like
cricket-food (see above). And this is where I took the blurry pic
shown previously, and then this pic here:
Now
if only I'd taken a pic of Lindsay and Andy (our new fishies), I
continue yakkin' about the menagerie, but maybe next time. Hold your
horse-sized spiders, will yah?
Pies out.
Pies hot-pot pic of the day!
As promise folks, here you go:
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm!
That there is some taaaaaaasty goodness! And, just to prove I was there (kind of),
That's
Lin Yue Xin on the right, and our Migwuoren friends Lan Ya (centre) and
Hu Wen Bo (left). Not their real names, btw, but close enough to be
embarrassing. All three will kill me when they read this.
