Yeah, managed to get from Broome (Western Australia) to Auckland (entirely different country) since our last entry. I'm not slow, just really lazy. Oh sure, I could tell you about the endless parties (lie), my life and death battle with a wombat (lie), running over a snake (truth), the terrifying battle between dog and snake (also true), and the endless row of scantily-clad women I've had to fend off (lie so big and blimpy you didn't even need me to tell you it was a lie), but I can't. Because some guy has just come into the lounge, and is sitting behind me reading a magazine really loudly, I guess because he wants to use the internet, but can't quite find the words "Can I use the internet once you're finished?" in his cranium, so now we both sit here awkwardly, him desperately needing to use the internet to send money to his family to save his dying dancing bear in Uzbekistan, and me wanting to write total bollocks for the next half an hour.
Will this stand off ever end? Probably, since I'm British and now I believe that technically speaking I'm at the front of a queue. It is imprinted in my genes that my responsibility is to get whatever I need to do done, so that the queue can move quickly and efficiently. This is a genius move on the part of my Uzbekistani friend, though he probably doesn't know it. All he can do back there is shuffle the pages a little louder, then follow it with intimidating silence. And I can feel his central Asian eyes boring into the back of my head. What is the etiquette for use of a free computer? I believe I may be defining those parameters as I type. That is how important this moment is.
So instead of filling you in on the epic journey from Broome to Sydney, and our sudden departure from Brisbane to Auckland, you have to keep reading this crap. My apologies. Now I have to move, that dancing bear needs those meds.
