It broke me so hard this time. I felt like God had left me to dry. Forgotten me and didn’t care. I had prayed that I would get home without it coming back again. I hadn’t even shaved in so long because I didn’t want it to come back. It started with a pain in my armpit for a few days. I would brush it out of my mind saying “No, it can’t be. It wouldn’t happen again.” Then after my shower, there it was a small blister looking bump. It was saggy skin so I knew it wasn’t a blister, zit or ingrown hair. It was staph infection part III. I really struggled with not letting myself get upset with God that night because I couldn't figure out why He let it come back again. Why he was letting me go through so much pain when I knew He could just make it go away, just like that. It was a really rough night of battling my feelings and trying to allow myself to cope but not allowing myself to get mad at God.
Within the next few days I washed all my clothes, threw out my soap, shaver and deoderant, and bought new spray on deoderant so that I can still use deoderant through the infection. I had to wait until my leader got back before I bought new medication so I went about a week without it. God was really helping me because he was holding back a lot of the pain. He was being so gracious. I told him a few times that if He wanted me to go on medicine He was going to have to ease up on helping me because at this rate I could go for a long time without medication. There was barely any pain and it didn't spread. The previous times I was in excrutiating pain and it spread very quickly.
God didn't take his hand off. After asking him to show me what he wants me to do over and over again because I was waiting for him to tell me to go on medication, He told me no meds this time. I was shocked! But then He told me that I went from not wanting to rely on meds and only going by Him to only going by meds. I felt ashamed. I really did. How could I go from Faith to world that fast? As soon as I realized that I told the team what I was doing and within a day or two it was gone. God is amazing and I forgot that I can go by world and by God but I have to make sure I go to God first.
