By no means am I trying to say my team members cannot do these things. I am just taking th is opportunity to be personal and honest. This is a change I have noticed in my life and in these ways.
I've discovered that God has really changed my outlook on life. Upt to about two years ago all I can remember is looking at hte bad thigns. Dwelling on what's wrong or unfair in my life. Through this DTS it has become so clear to me that God is helping me see the beauty in everything. It's like loking through rose coloured glasses but they're God's instead. I don't remember asking God to give me this but I am so happy He has. It has made it so easy to see the heart of each country we are in, the person behind the deformity, and the blessing behind the dirt and missing comforts.
I have realized, though, that I am very sensitive to the comments people make around me. I find it very hard to listen to complains and not let them affect my thoughts. As I battle between my opinions and others opinions and refraining from allowing myself to be affected, I got worn out. This past week has been especially hard with our new accomodations. The air was always filled with complaints, tension, depression, frustration, and a desire to be anywhere but ther (the house. Some of us were upset about a beautiful dog who guarded the house, barked and caused allergies, others were upset that rooms had no windows which gave no light, air, or a way for intruders to enter. Some of us had a lot of difficulty with the lack of power which caused the ceiling fans to stop working causing restless sleeps, hot rooms, no moving air, a comfortable atmosphere for mosquitos, and one less place for dust to settle and then get spread around by the wind. It was by no means fun for any of us.
I was trying so hard to stay positive or at least keep myself focussed on what we did have; because I know that if I let myself focus on the unfortunate, unwatned, unappreciated, annoying and gross, I will become anxious, depressed and miserable. A funk that will take a lot to get me out of.
Understanding where the girls were coming from and respecting their right to share how they feel, I approached them to explain how I was being affected. They were very understanding and felt bad for getting carried away while complaining as a group. As annoying as it is to be asked what a positive point is, when you are frustrated and just want to be upset, that is what we agreed would be the best for this issue. Buddism approach. Even out the bad with a good. It'll take a lot of strength and courage for me to ask "What was/is something you liked about it?" But that was my commitment to the resolution. They asked me to keep them accountable.
For now I just thank God for His help opening our minds, guiding the conversation and giving me the courage to bring it up. It could have gone so wrong if any of us started getting defensive.
