Signs you've been in China for almost 4 months: here are some.
You've got a bunch of random names in your contact list on your phone, such as Coral, The Director, Head English, Edith, Jode, Kobe, Mike, Mike 2, Mike 3, Mike 4, Mike 5 and Mike's Friend, Nan, Nan 2, Orange, Simi, Student, Student 2, Student 3 and X to name a few. Many of the names I don't even remember getting and I don't remember who they are and possibly haven't actually met in person. It also makes it reasonably confusing when people text you form about a million different phones (ie Mike) and you constantly have to ask who is texting you.
You crave cabbage. I'm not even kidding, you lie awake and night and you crave that amazing cabbage dish you had the other day. The Chinese could make dog shit taste good and they probably do.
You just bought a big red hoodie with fluffy linings and the word 'Smile!' and a picture of teddy bear on it. Chinese clothes are either really trashy with lots of fake diamonds and fur and the word 'addedas' or ' Diorr' on them, or incredibly cute with lots of fluffy linings and pictures of hello kitty and a random text in absolutely terrible English, and phrases such as 'Smile!' and 'Be Happy!' on them. At a certain point you simply stop fighting and just embrace it!
Your English gradually starts to disintegrate, and you start speaking authentic Chinglish. This doesn't necessarily mean you speak grammatically incorrect (although it's part of it) but mainly you start using odd words the Chinese love to use, such as 'seldom' and 'convenient' and 'delicious'. So you'd say 'the noodles are more delicious than the rice' and 'warm clothes are convenient in the winter'. You also stop noticing when other people speak bad English; not too great when you're an English teacher.
You wake up first thing in the morning and Westlife's 'My Love' or Avril Lavigne's 'My Happy Ending' is already stuck in your head. This is mainly due to KTV where because you're foreign people expect you to know and like that kind of music, and you will inevitably find yourself with the mike in your hand at some point during the evening, blurting the words out to a song you haven't ever heard before but because it's so bad you can more or less guess what the tune's like. And unfortunately it gradually starts to stick.
You gain a considerable amount of basket ball knowledge. For example, I can now tell you that Kobe Bryant is a famous NBA player for the Lakers who won the MVP (most valuable player) award 3 times in a row. I also recognise the names of Michael Jordan, Lebron James and Yao Ming, which I wouldn't have been able to do before coming here. They are completely obsessed with basketball here and are really good at it too. I've found that if there is a group of boys at the back of the class who clearly aren't listening you can simply shout out 'Kobe Bryant' and it immediately catches their attention.
You just bought a bunch of posters of Chinese boy bands and singers, despite the fact you haven't actually heard any of their music and even would particularly like it if you did. Most of them are truly awful, basically the Chinese version of Westlife or the Backstreet Boys, but the part that really shows how much China has addled your brains is that once you have heard it a couple of times you actually genuinely start to enjoy it!
You start expecting free drinks when you go to bars, and get a wee bit annoyed and disappointed when they don't come. It is far too easy to get free drinks here when you're foreign. Once when we were in a bar in Xi'an, we were standing around for quite a while because we were too stingy to buy more than one beer each and weren't getting quite that buzzed, so Katherine and I went 'right! we want free drinks!' and walked through the bar area, and I must say it took us a whole 30 seconds - and I'm not actually exaggerating here! - before some random guy started offering us free drinks. It's not always that great though, it means you can't drink in moderation as everyone is trying to get you to drink.
I must thank Katherine for this blog entry, it was her idea: I just nicked it.
