One thing I do not like about Spain is the smoking, it kills me. People do it everywhere and it makes your clothes and hair stink, burns my throat and eyes. This morning I am hacking and my throat hurts again. You could live cheap here as if you buy a drink they bring you a free tapa. We went to a brazilian place called Poes where I got meat and pineapple on a skewer and some spicy black beans. Mmmmm. So for about 4 euro you get full from these tapas. I wasnt out late last night only about 130 but for some reason I cant sleep this morning so I thought I would write another entry taking advantage of no one being down here and the free internet. I had a very mellow evening, I really enjoy talking to the people here and hearing about their lives and travels. The good thing about Granada is that the men arent aggresive, I tend to smile to myself in wonder as I look around since I am easily excited by new things I am seeing and experiencing, and several places I have been I have had to watch myself because the men take that as a come on, but here they just smile nicely back at you seeming to be happy that you are happy.
I have realized while I am here how important music is to me, I am so glad that I have my Ipod with me, I love listening to music, I also realized that I love to sing but I am aware that I am not a very good singer so I just whisper the words dramatically of course along with the songs when I am singing in public like on the train while usually chair dancing as well. I entertain myself. I have also realized that I am not embarassed to look silly or unattractive. I do it all the time while I have been staying in hostels as if you worried what you looked like all the time you just couldnt. I roll out of bed and go hang out with the cute boys, I just dont mind. I have always wanted a brother and by hanging out with so many guys while I have been here and having them share rooms with you it has been like having brothers. They talk to you about so many personal things, I have learned a lot about guys on this trip, they have a lot of insecurities even the hottest ones. They can be so funny about issues I enjoy hanging out and just chatting. It was funny because while I was in Tarifa a group of us went out, there were about 10 really hot guys and then this guy named Joe who was just normal not ugly but in this group he didnt stand a chance, but he started telling this funny story about being in a gay nightclub and how the guys were coming up to him telling him he couldnt dance basically the story was him making fun of his dancing capabilities, and all us girls were just laughing at his story as were walking along with him. One of the other guys yelled out from behind us, Hey why does Average Joe have all the girls, we laughed and it just makes you realize that personality can go a long way even if a guy isnt as cute as some of the others.
I have been very good about speaking up about what I feel is right and voicing my opionion in groups which sometimes I woulnt do but as I have been trying to change my life to become happier I want to be as genuine and as authentic as I can. It feels great to be yourself all the time and not worry about others opinions, it brings about great discussions. You feel all of your emotions much more strongly and I am really intuitive about people, I trust my gut feelings and try not to be swayed by others about things which can be hard in group situations as most of us here are pretty confident. Several times I have disagreed with something and it feels great to have your opinion listened to and than agreed with. I believe in fairness and kindness and generosity. The Hammam only cost like 10 dirham which would have been 1 euro but because it was such an amazing experience we gave the women much more and they were so excited and grateful. Morroco is a poor country and it makes you realize how much opportunities and material things we really have in the US. It fills your heart up when you are appreciative and grateful of the blessings that come your way even in the midst of some challenges.
I miss my dogs and cat, there are dogs here everywhere and actually in Morroco it was very sad because there were wild dirty dogs and cats roaming the streets. You want to pet them and take care of them but they dont want anything to do with you. So the morning I was leaving Portland I was very emotional, lack of sleep, nervous, just a mess. My mom and dad are seeing me off and right before we are to walk out the door I want to say goodbye one last time to my dogs. Vader is lying on the floor and relaxed and cool, I sit down next to him squeezing his neck and start sobbing, I am going to miss you I wail, his little stump tail is wagging as he reaches up to lick the tears off my face which makes me sob harder, oooohhh I wail. He is older and just calm and relaxed about the whole situation. Loo Loo my other dog is nervously circling us, but when I reach for her, she backs away like who is the crazy woman and where is my mom. I pet Vader for a little bit longer than get up to go to Loo Loo, who nervously allows me to hug her while I continue to bawl my eyes out. I make my way to Sesame my cat who is obliviously stretched out asleep on the couch, I pick him up squeezing and petting him, getting my tears all over him. He is calm about the whole thing and falls back to sleep when I put him back down on the couch. My parents are so sweet allowing my little breakdown even though it is time to leave to the airport. I know my animals are in good hands and were probably happy to get me out of the house in my emotional state but I do miss them and it makes me teary just writing this. I am very lucky to have my family taking care of them while I travel and I know they are doing well which eases my mind.
Being at a hostel is like having a big group of friends that live together, I never have seen anyone being mean to each other. You never are without something to do or someone to do it with, I love that. Yesterday we had a thunder storm and no one wanted to go out so a group of us got cozy in the tv room and watched a spanish movie with subtitles. The first day I got here I met Cameron and Rachel in the common room we got started talking and they asked me what I was going to do that day I told them I was interested in the gypsy caves, oh us too, lets go, so we all went up there, best of friends even though we all had just met. I am lucky because I make friends easily but most people dont seem to have any trouble. I met a girl here in the hostel bar that is actually a gypsy and lives in one of the caves, it is so interesting the different lifestyles people have, we had a great conversation and I took her pic. She had these big dreadlocks and a beautiful face, she had her dog with her. There are a ton of gypsy guys and girls here in Granada but they dont seem to be thieves like some others I have seen, just entertainers, they sing and dance for money in the squares. They are attractive and charming people and so interesting looking with their hair and clothes.
The time difference here is 9 hours from my home so it is always strange when I call to check in with my family to let them know I am alive and their day is just beginning and mine is almost over. I am not sure when I will have easy access to the internet again so I will probably try to write a bit more before I leave tonight. Hope this finds everyone well and happy. XOXO Marci
