I HATE VARANASI right now and if I could figure out how to leave for the USA today, I would, or I will. I'm tired of traveling and I'm homesick and I don't care if I miss the Holi festival.
I'm sick of being harassed by people. I'm starting to really hate people. Yesterday, I had to ignore every single person who approached me...pretend like I didn't see them at all. It breaks my heart to ignore people like that, but 95% of people who want to talk to you are trying to get something from you and are not honest people. So I'm just ignoring everyone to protect my energy, but I feel totally isolated. This is when traveling alone is awful.
This place is gross. You couldn't pay me enough money to go in the Ganges River, which is digusting and full of poop, pee, sewage, trash, and dead people. Yesterday, there was a tartantula in my room, and dead bugs on my bed. A "holy" sadu came up to me, put out his hand and said one word to me "money." He said it like a demand. DO I LOOK LIKE A WALKING ATM MACHINE???????? I feel like punching someone. I walked home alone in the dark, got lost, and along the way, there were rats, piles and piles of cow poop, THOUSANDS of swarming moths, and a disgusting flea ridden dog that followed me...I kept trying to make the dog go away, but it wouldn't, and I was scared to be too forceful with it in case it would bite me. I walked home going, "Eww! Eww! Eww! YUCK!!! I HATE THIS PLACE!!! UGGHHHHH!!!" At least me talking to myself like that was effective in getting people to think I was nuts, and thus not approach me anymore. The hot weather and burning bodies and the rest of the grossness are making Varanasi seen like a kind of hell to me.
I'm not sure what's next.
