Well before anyone emails me and says dont give in to homesickness or make the most of it or something like that, please dont. I'm just writing how I'm feeling and for the better part of the week it has been homesickness.
I can't begin to describe what it feels like to someone who hasnt experienced being away from home so far away that it hurts. I thought I had experienced it in Airlie, but nothing compares to being in another country when your heart, mind and craves to be anywhere but where u are.
I'm not saying I dont appreciate where I am or what I'm doing. I'm just saying, its hard. Very hard. Hard to be in a room that while its familiar, its not home. Nothing can ever be home over here, i came home last nite and crawled into bed and hoped to feel settled and comfy, but instead, the lights of the nearby house kept me awake and the windows creaked, it wasnt home, nor will it ever be.
For one thing, its made me really appreciate all that we have back home, the people, the places, just being able to be in a place where u know is home. The UK could never be home to me and I dont understand people who have let it become their home, every corner I turn its an assault to the senses, a great experience but all the same, theres only so much you can handle.
Everything has worked out well for me, I've been rather lucky, landing permanent work, a good place and friends who are nearby but that doesnt stop the wave of homesickness when it hits, nothing or no one can stand in its way. Of course i Miss mick the most, which is proving more and more difficult as time passes its so very hard, much harder than i thought possible. Sometimes i really do question why I'm doing this, i know why and I know the benefits for me personally because Im already starting to feel them, but sometimes the homesickness just breaks me in two and its all i can do to collect the pieces and put them back together.
I wanted to write this so I can look back and see the things I took for granted back home, all the little things that when u add them up, mean u are home and what it is to be home, So here is my little list.
- I miss mick's face in the morning
- I miss the smell of my pillow back home
- I miss the smell of the bush near bray park when we go for drives
- I miss the taste of real chocolate, not the british crap.
- I miss hearing the sound of the birds
- I miss recieving smiles and nods from strangers in the morning walking or on the train.
- I miss milo
- I miss holding hands
- I miss the sweet sound of the aussie accent
- I miss paddy's cuddles
- I miss getting a hug from mum and dad
- i miss dan's silly jokes
- i miss the blue sky, nothing is ever as blue or as bright as home
- i miss the space, so much wide open space
- i miss everyone, and everything..
Don't worry all, I wont die from homesickness, I only think I will, next week, or even tomororw will be a better day.
but homesickness is a bitter pill to swallow, when u are trying to have an adventure..
xx
jess
