My walk to Otres Beach. : Where there is light, there is shadow”
Monday 7th July
It was my day off and as I didn’t have many days left in here in Sihanoukville I thought today would be the perfect day to achieve that objective. The clouds were grey and covering the sky, the breeze fresh. Not too hot.
So off I set down through Cloud Nine Bungalows, said my mornings greetings with a smile. My first encounter was with Manet and his friend up from the waters edge at “Serenity”…next door. We chatted then they asked, ”Where are you going?”
“Otres”, I said. They looked at me then at each other. “Be careful.” On I walked, then spun around and delivered my camera back to Manet to take care of. I thought “I can loose $10 and even take the risk with my ipod….but not the camera”. There has been a number of incidents and robberies along this expansive beach.
My hair was still wet from the morning shower, and it kept me cool as the breeze blew through my hair. The beach was busy with the usual tourists soaking up the sun and being entertained by the children who sell beads, the masseurs, and the food sellers. Towards the middle of the beach it moves into Cambodian picnickers and holiday makers amusing themselves in large family or teenage groups. In the water the ‘banana boat’ being pulled by the speed boat as well as the noisy jet skis fill the air with screams of delight and laughter. Everybody is playing.
As I walked along I was pleased for the low tide, as the fresh strip of white sand was devoid of plastic and Styrofoam tossed to the ground by the unconscious Cambodian tourists. Low tide is when you can walk easily without having to step amongst the rubbish.
I was feeling lighter and more centered in myself than I have been for the passed few weeks.
My next encounter was with my favourite Vietnamese lady who sells freshly made tofu spring rolls from her stall that she carries on her shoulder, with two baskets of produce balancing both sides. She made me up a takeaway package for $1 (she gave me ten instead of the usual eight!). A bottle of water then off I set looking for a nice shady spot to have my morning meal.
The water was clear and calm. As I walked across the sand, as the beach stretched out to open space, there was a group of young monks going into the water for play. Their orange robes were easily wrapped in to orange bathers.. I wondered about their lives, what they learn and how they live their lives.
I have met many young men who have spent up to ten years in a monastery, then for what ever reason they leave to run ‘normal’ lives. These young men often have offered wonderful insights in to life (far beyond their years) that demonstrate deep wisdom, understanding and consciousness.
Paul and Manet (Cambodian friends from Cloud nine) have come out with some gems when the moment has been perfect. Manet recently said to me, “Victoria, you must know your own measurements, for a carpenter can not build a thing without knowing his measurements first. If you build something with out measurement it will not hold together, it can not be repaired, or rebuilt.” Another Paul offered to a friend was “he throws a beautiful diamond in to the sea to pick up a small stone”.
I glanced up into the shade of the trees that lines the beach to see three older monks wrapped comfortably in their robes. I was touched by the tranquility that seemed to emanate from them.
Two hundred meters on, the shade came down to sand and I found a rock to perch myself on to enjoy my little picnic with myself. There was a curious feeling of caution. I had because of the many warnings I had heard about this beach. I was alert but relaxed.
When a young man appeared I kept my eye on him as he appeared to be searching for crickets and walking in large circles down to the waters edge then around behind me. I noticed the circle getting smaller and as I finished my picnic and slid the bottle of water in to my backpack I looked up to see he was right beside me! He had a stupid look on his face and as I stood up and offered a quick hello, sure enough he had his penis out the front of his pants and was attempting to jerk himself off!!! By this time I was standing tall, looked him in the eyes and with my finger pointing at him like a mother telling a small child ‘naughty boy’ I said “GO AWAY” then again more assertively “GO AWAY”. How pathetic and sad I thought as I strode off, back to the wet sand.
A number of thoughts and feelings flashed by, but none of them were attached to fear strangely enough. I was centred and alert to every thing around me.
It reminded me how sick humanity can be and the feelings I had the night before.
I was sitting on sunset staring out to the islands when I noticed a man my age come down from the bungalows with a young Khmer woman. The conversation at dinner was obviously not flowing and there were a lot of silent moments between them. Later three middle aged Australian men came (gold coast type: over suntanned, muscular and with gold chains…they probably reeked of aftershave!) to have a meal with two Khmer women all dressed up to the nines. Five minutes passed before one was patting his lap and had his trophy nicely nestled. EERRK…middle aged men with a problem.
Where ever I go I am confronted with the ‘light’ and the ‘shadow’. There is good and bad in every situation it seems. Life is the oscillation between the two, but the journey towards the ‘light’ (or staying in it) is certainly preferable….but not always possible.
As you know walking is great for centering yourself. The wind was still fresh and I was at least half way.
Occasionally a woman would pass going the opposite direction towards the tourist end of the beach with freshly cooked crabs or shells to sell. We smiled at each other and walked on. Just behind the sand there were Cambodian small soft grey cows grazing on the grass between blown plastic caught by the sparse vegetation. There were more small groups of people, a couple of tourist joggers and the occasional motor bike driver just sitting and staring out to sea. Occasionally also, you see two Cambodian lovers in an embrace away from others. It is a peaceful scene, but mostly I am with myself, just taking in this moment in my life.
The rest of the walk was without incident, so by the time I reached the small fishing village at the end I was at peace with were I am at this point in my life/ my day and felt accepting of all the challenges I have faced along this journey during this year (and life in general).
“ The light and the shadow.”…Cambodia, in fact life, is full of this duality.
During this year I have had many hours, days and weeks alone with not a lot to fill them other than myself. It has been a time of great reflection and learning…..stillness like I have never known…very little external goings on to take me away from myself.
So today as I sit at Otres beach I am at peace, and feel fulfillment once again. I am grateful my life , my friends and family and also for the opportunities to learn. I feel accepting of the way things are, joy in what I am doing and enthusiastic for life and who I am.
Thank you all for being a part of my life
(and congratulations for enduring this rave!!!!)
With love, Victoria XXX
