For those of you that are contemplating a trip to China, here is some simple advice to help you to acclimate quickly. This is the first(maybe last) installment of these easy to learn lessons.
Lesson #1-Chopsticks
Learn to use them. Sounds obvious but it can be a challenging ordeal. Start with one of the favorite appetizers on this side of the world, spicy peanuts. If you have never tried shoveling peanuts into your starving mouth with a glorified pair of toothpicks, you should give it a try. Here’s how to practice the Chinese way though, buy the peanuts. Pour them onto a plate. Put oil on them and warm them up. Proceed to eat with chopsticks one by one. As speed and accuracy improves you will begin to feel strong and confident and ready to move to the next step. Try a hard boiled egg. Then a fish without bones. Then a fish with bones. Work up to full size pork chops or legs of mutton while still on the bone. We haven’t eaten a full sized animal yet but we haven’t been here that long.
Lesson#2-Conversational Bubble
Instead of talking to someone from three feet away gradually decrease the distance until you can feel them talking. Watch as they move away and then continue to maintain the close distance by following them around. For effectiveness back them into a corner. Imagine yourself in their shoes.
Lesson#3-Public Transportation Bubble
Pop it. Here’s how. Start with 6 friends and try to fit everyone standing shoulder to shoulder in the bathtub or at work into a tiny cubicle. Proceed to move from one end of the bathtub to the other without anyone falling out of the tub. After mastering this technique, find 6 strangers and repeat. You learn very quickly how to shield yourself from wayward elbows, shoulders, purses, shopping bags and/or babies.
Lesson#4-Street Walking
Collect as many friends, family, children, grandparents, neighbors, coworkers, bystanders and animals that you can find. Line up this assortment of humanity into 2 teams positioned into rows of 8 across and 5 deep. Play a game of Red Rover. Yes, the same game you played as a kid. For the true Chinese feel, play on a standard sidewalk. On the side of a freeway.
After conquering those lessons you are prepared for a Saturday afternoon in Shanghai with the Sanders. Come on over, we’ll meet you at the airport.
