The time has finally come to say goodbye to this crazy, beautiful part of the world. Coming back to Bangkok, where it all started is so strange. When I first arrived in Bangkok it was so overwhelming and completely different than what I was used to. Now, after traveling Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam, Bangkok is refreshing and actually feels like home. I don't know why this is. I guess it is just more westernized than the other countries. I've missed you Bangkok, and didn't even realize it!
Finally, I have gotten used to being dirty all the time, not throwing toilet paper in the toilet, bum guns, squat toilets, not being able to wash my hands, street food, geckos all over EVERYTHING, cows and chickens on the side of the roads, endless rice paddies, new friends, saying goodbye, the same backpacker conversations, eating every meal with rice, terrible western food, and the list could go on forever. Anyways, now that I’m used to this lifestyle, I have to leave it. I feel very sad that I’m leaving, however, I’m leaving a better person.
The idea to traveling the world solo is to “find yourself”. Well, I don’t think I’ve found myself. I think I had already accomplished that before I left. I have known for a while the type of person I am, who want to be, and how I want to live my life. But coming here on this trip has changed me. Traveling solo, I have had to learn to fend for myself, to take care of myself, to feed myself, to shelter myself. I’ve been responsible for my own safety, and I’ve learned to not only trust my instincts, but to identify them. Also, traveling solo, you learn to trust strangers, and hope they don’t lead you astray. This sounds ridiculous, but sometimes out here you don’t have a choice. I have read in multiple articles that traveling with another person strengthens your relationship with that person, and traveling solo strengthens your relationship with yourself and your surroundings. I couldn’t agree with this more. I have never felt such a strong connection with the world around me than I have while traveling on my own. I have completely grasped the beauty of this earth and the ground I’ve walked on. Many times, while exploring a city by myself, I would feel more at peace and happier than I have ever been, just soaking in everything around me. It has truly been an incredible experience and I’m so glad I’ve done it. It also helps that Southeast Asia has such a vast beauty to it, but that’s beside the point. Ha ha
It wasn’t always this peaceful and serene though. Sometimes it got lonely…Very lonely. It got so lonely to the point that I was ready to give up and catch the first flight home. I was lonely, but not alone. I was surrounded by so many people doing the same thing I was, yet I had no desire to talk to or get to know any of them. I would have kicked myself so hard if I gave up at that point. I just had to pick myself up, go explore, let a day or so pass and that loneliness faded completely. I would have missed out on some of the most interesting and best times of my life. I think feeling that way a couple times actually made me stronger. Knowing that I can get through something so tough has been enlightening.
For about the past two months though, I have not been alone. I’ve been travelling with people. One person I’ve been travelling with has stayed the same the whole time, while others have come and gone. Goodbyes are never easy. You become so close with people while traveling because you spend every waking minute with these people. I have said goodbye to so many people since I’ve been here and some have been a lot harder than others. You get attached to people very easily. Then you go your separate ways and will probably never see them again. I hate this part about traveling.
On the other end of the spectrum, I have learned that it’s okay not to like some people. I tried to be friends with everyone at first, but I realized some people are just not worth my time. It’s okay to pick and choose who you want to be around or hang out with. I’m not saying its okay to be rude or mean to people, you just choose to avoid them. That’s the beauty of traveling solo, if you aren’t feeling a person or group of people you’ve met, you don’t have to be around them, you simply just move on and go a different direction.
Emma has been my travel companion for the last 2 months. We traveled Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, and then back to Bangkok together. Boy, has it been one wild ride! We have had the most fun together and picked up other travelers along the way, which have all come and gone, but we have stuck together until the very end. With both of us being solo it has been easy. We each do what we want and if we both want to do something then we do it together. Simple as that. We don’t have to try to please each other and that has been nice. It’s also been nice being able to share this whole experience with someone.
It is now 12:18 am and I have to be up in 2 hours to catch my flight home. Shit. I can’t believe its ending.
Goodbye Southeast Asia. I will miss you, and never will I forget you. It’s been fun, challenging, educational, hot, enlightening, and strange. Thank you for all that you are.
