trauma happens in that instance between heartbeats. that crack between everything being okay and chaos. i have had the good fortune of experiencing the misfortune of trauma a handful of times in my life. and surviving to tell the tale. there is always something of value to be taken away from these experiences. i learned to look both ways before crossing the street after being slammed by a truck, an injury which i managed to escape with only a broken nose and some scraped up limbs. i learned that jumping out of a swing at the apex of its arc is a recipe for a painful neck compression. i discovered that while climbing a tree, you need both hands free to keep you from slamming headfirst into the ground. i found that everyday objects like rocks, rusty nails, and picnic tables can offer doses of pain when approached with carelessness and inattention.
------------
in the first few seconds following the confusion of my fall, all i'm really aware of is the sting in my tongue. i fear i've bitten it off and i stick it out to show shaun.
"yeah, it's bleeding." he offers. at this point, shaun is more intent on getting me to lie down and remain immobile as the crowd of onlookers thickens to take their roles in the crisis.
even before anyone asks, i start wiggling my toes and fingers to let myself know i'm not paralyzed. my first instinct after impacting was to get up and walk it off. the wind knocked out of me much like the time i fell out of a tree when i was 10. shaun orders me to lie down. i comply. the bed of rocks under my body does little to add comfort to my aching back and kidneys. at least the pain is a good sign. better than feeling nothing. better than being unconscious. i ask for something under my head to lift it off the rock it's on. shaun offers his t-shirt.
as i lie still while an ambulance is being called, i look to my left and see the sharp protruding stones beside me. "i fell on that?" i ask myself and immediately start scanning my internal organs to see if they're telling me anything. feels like i've just taken a good few heavy punches to the kidneys. but i don't feel as if anything is ruptured.
the ambulance arrives surprisingly quickly considering how far we are outside of town. i keep telling shaun and marissa to make sure they don't cut my harness to get it off. an odd request considering the potential seriousness of my accident. i think i've established to myself that i'm not in too bad of shape, so i try and lighten the mood with a dose of humour. shaun does his part by trying to shoo everyone away.
"he's just a big attention whore, don't mind him."
i laugh. it hurts.
beside me marissa looks inconsolable. tears in her eyes which have a faraway unfocused look. i reach out and pat her knee. "not your fault," i reassure. she does not look reassured.
-------
a short twenty minutes ago, i had agreed to help out some new friends we'd met by setting up a toprope for them to climb the route we were just finishing with. we'd strung together two pitches to make one long pitch. climbing on my rope, i'd noticed that it took up almost the full length. that would make it close to a 35 meter climb. we'd noted that our friends shared the exact same, maxim, 9.9 mm dual weave rope that i had. but it wasn't exactly the same. as i tied in, i did not think to ask the length. as it turned out, the rope was only 60 meters long. a near fatal oversight.
after climbing the route, i cleaned the quickdraws as i was getting lowered to the ground. 3 meters from the deck, the tail of the rope slipped through the belay and i freefell with my legs in the air onto a pile of rocks. not only did we fail to check the length of the rope, but we also didn't make sure a knot was tied in the other end. two oversights which have lead to more than a few serious climbing accidents. as the most experienced climber amongst us, i take the brunt of the responsibility. and the brunt of the consequence as well.
----
during the ambulance ride, sunny, a korean-canadian from vancouver, rides with me and offers his services as a translator to get me to the nearest hospital in wonju. he tells me that the paramedic thinks my injuries are not serious enough to warrant running red lights. so the drive takes about twenty minutes. the adrenaline is wearing off at this point and the jostling of the ride brings my pain into much sharper focus. i relish in it and meditate to see where the pain is and what it's telling me.
at the hospital, i'm attended by some nurses and a young english speaking doctor named lee tae gun who's studied medicine in wisconsin. he tells me to call him terry.
after an extensive set of x-rays which lead me to wonder if i'll now be able to sire children, doctor terry takes sunny aside and explains to him in korean what the x-rays show. out of the slew of unintelligible language, i hear "compression", "fracture" and "lumbar spine". doctor terry tells me that the back specialist is not in today as it's a holiday. i will have to wait until monday to get an mri which will give the doctors a better idea of how bad the compression fracture is and whether or not i will require surgery. the thought of invasive surgery on my spine scares me more than the accident itself. since i have to wait until monday to find out, i promptly put it out of my mind.
the doctors and nurses all make sure i understand the concept of "absolute bed rest", as they put it. i am forbidden from standing and even sitting up. three days of lying in bed. joy.
marissa and shaun provide good company and i spend most of my time reading bill bryson's "a short history of nearly everything". predictions of the earth's inevitable destruction do little to lighten my mood. though all in all i remain in good spirits. shaun keeps me laughing to the point where i have to beg him to stop for the pain it gives me in my ribs. he is the most vulgar and crass australian i have ever met. and that is saying a lot. shaun leaves on sunday to head back to seoul, leaving me to entertain myself.
when monday rolls around, i'm thrilled to get a change of scenery. not that i terribly mind my room. only the 6:30 am wake up to bright florescent lights and blaring korean television is a real bother to me. even then i just blanket my eyes and plug in my ipod to drift back to sleep until whenever i care to wake up. my breakfast of rice, fish soup and kimchi is usually cold by the time i do. marissa makes a trip out every morning to return with strong coffee and a bagel. what an angel.
it is interesting that in the bed next to me is another back injury victim. he tells me that he was about to head on a trip to canada in 2004 when he got in a serious car accident three days before his departure. he is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot use his hands. a grim reminder of the potential seriousness of a back injury. he smiles and laughs as much as any korean i've met.
at midday i'm wheeled out into the mri room for a scan. i'm claustrophobic in the tiny coffin and i spend the forty minutes it takes to do the magnetic resonance imaging scan breathing through an anxiety attack and the stifling heat from the thick blanket they've draped over me. i have a much clearer idea of how it would feel to be cremated alive.
after the mri, marissa is called up to the doctor's office and is given the news. no surgery necessary. she, as i, am ecstatic. she high fives the doctor. he calls for another ten days for me to remain in hospital. marissa is firm. "impossible. he can get a brace soon and leave soon." on the weekend, i'd asked marissa to print off any info she could regarding compression fractures of the lumbar spine so i had some more information about what i was dealing with. we know that considering i'm in no pain and the mri tests were positive, that this is perfectly acceptable. with a back brace i will be free to go.
the doctor, clearly unsure how to respond to an american woman telling him what's what, agrees and sets up an appointment for my brace measurements that day and delivery by wednesday, which is also when i'm scheduled to be released. thanks marissa.
over the next few days i'm visited by grace and hyun sook, two of my friends from sokcho who'd i'd worked with at ecc. we eat ice cream and they give me a brief korean language lesson in between catching up. i haven't seen either of them in two years. i'm also visited by kris and jessie, two local climbers we'd met two weeks ago in seonunsan. they bring smiles and a bag of books and some sudoku to keep me occupied during recovery. as i'd just finished bryson, i'm happy to dig into steinbeck's "east of eden."
two more 6:30 am wake ups and i say goodbye to my roommates and the friendly nurses and marissa and i hop in the car and head back to daegu. and here i sit, mending, internetting, reading and eating. another recovery in progress.
