The principle at work here is, the less you know, the more you are certain ( to be sure to be sure )- where things are. Yes, I am gambling on the luck of the Irish. And it is the same as it ever was. Misery stands cock hipped at centre stage. Hope is puffing loudly from the wings, shepherds crook getting heavier at each vein attempt to hook misery by the neck and drag it (limping ) from view. To analogize is much easier than to tell it like is is. Which is unhelpful of me I know, so in short and with the least amount of vitriolic cynicism - here is the latest. I refuse to use punctuation from this point forward.
The judge (she) has neglected to show up in the court on the 25th of september because a high court directive ordered that (she) deal with all adoption cases in the positive or the negative within fourteen days in other words (she) could not adjourn the pending cases anymore and so instead of dealing with cases in the affirmative or the negative (she) walks off on leave until (she) feels better about doing anything at all again. There. A little punctuation. Then. I will ring the lawyer probably to be told that (she) has done nothing again and we can now take the case to the high court where they can decide to tell her that (she) was wrong and that (she) must pass our case and that (she) should do that within fourteen days (she) will no doubt need to take leave again to make sure that (she) is sure that (she) can say no because (she) is unsure of something more than (she) was a moment ago and you can see how this can continue unaided by punctuation.
Reality.
We have taken some time out to be with family and we have been in South Australia relaxing at my brothers house. The whole clan gathered from all corners of the country and infused some much needed joie de vive. Neelu had cousins to play with and we had wine to taste and company to make us laugh.
On returning to the vexed question of movement with the lawyer we have discovered that (she) has decided to ignore the high court order and she will take another month to decide if it is possible for her to do anything. I cant work out our lawyers strategy or logic anymore. It has disappeared into the doubt-mosphere.They say something might happen next week. She may give an indication of what she will do. Nobody seems particularly interested in doing anything. Not the good guys, certainly not the bad guys. On the 23rd of October this whole circus is set to continue again. The lawyers have all of the papers ready to go to the high court but wont until again this mad woman does nothing. And then what? Another postponement? Another adjourned date because of some flimsy meaningless hitch?
I try to be. We try to be. We three, Raj and Shayne and Neelu try to be positive and move through the treacle of our hearts desires with some sort of normalcy. ( I blame the united states for that word.) Our emotions are a very peculiar blend of parental expectant joy and that of wildly confused jilted lovers. Little things crack us open. Disappointment spills easily from the slightest graze across a normal day. My eyes are heavy set and look far away in quiet waiting moments and I find myself practicing to smile. As the mouth moves to that familiar place, wet spills unchecked from forced corners. My breath searches for little victories of ease. At night, my jaw knows the pressure points on all of my teeth and uses them to play a slow grinding tune. It seems the tune will have many verses before any reprise. I cant keep this humming up much longer. I am sick of the sound of my expectancy. Hope is beginning to play the fool and misery is starting to strut. We keep stepping onto the dance floor, taking hope by the hand. We move unsurely to the now familiar tune.
