I'm not at work today

My sister wheeled me to the car park of terminal 5 and once we were on the road heading towards the M4 I looked at her with big puppy dog eyes. Moments later I was impersonating a beagle that had just been rescued by the A.L.F. My head was sticking out of the window with a fag in my mouth enjoying the coolness of an English summer morning, the complete lack of humidity in the air and the six hundred or so chemicals found in a full fat Marlboro

40 minutes and a few fags later we reached my sister’s house in Wokingham. Coffee, a bacon buttie and a beer followed and then it was back on the road to Buckingham, my parent’s house and the A&E department of Milton Keynes hospital.

My parents were pleased to see me (but that wouldn’t last for long) and after a coffee and a chat my mum took me to the hospital. After chatting with the lass at A&E I had an appointment for the fracture clinic on Wednesday morning. Back at the house, my feet were up, a large plate of cheese was nearby and the TV was on Dave for all those lovely reruns of Top Gear!

On Wednesday I was back at the hospital chatting with the doctor as we looked at my x-rays. Turns out that the doctors in Malaysia had missed the fact that my fibula had sheared of the ankle bone!!! The doctor told me how many screws and bits of wire would be needed to rebuild my ankle and then I was wheeled up to ward 21 to await the surgery the following morning.

The last time I stayed in a hospital was over 20 years ago (for a broken leg…same bone, same leg!) and I really wasn’t looking forward to it…but was I in for a surprise! The ward only had 6 beds in it, each of them with a remote control for raising and lowering various bits of the mattress, which was nice. The nurses and health care assistants were great, they brought me coffee!!!!

The following day I woke up in the recovery room after the surgery and for some reason they wouldn’t give me a coffee. Also someone had shaved the top of my right thigh? Back on the ward the nurse, after much pleading, produced a coffee. Damn it tasted great!

The next morning (Friday) I was discharged, with new and comfortable crutches and a bag of painkillers. I had a week of lounging around the house until I had to return for a check up and a lite weight cast at the fracture clinic.

Back at the parents house life was easy if somewhat slow, boring and slightly painful. The painkillers did the trick and after a little pondering I worked out that I hadn’t had a bowel movement for 3 days. I think that a couple of pounds of cheese on the Monday and Tuesday had blocked me up somewhat. Thankfully I had some laxative along with the painkillers and by the next day I was “with movement” which was nice!

The next Friday I was back at the fracture clinic for the post op one week check up. After the x-ray I swung into the doctor’s office to see him looking intently at my x-ray. Even I, with my limited medical training, could see that they was something not quite right! Turns out that my bones had “pinged” apart and that I would need to go under the knife again, this time with bigger screws…bugger!

Back on ward 21 I said hello once again to the nurses and settled down into the bed I had left behind last week. The surgery was booked for the following morning until I mentioned to the doctor that some puss had oozed trough the bandages. I was put on a course of anti-biotics and as this was the bank holiday weekend I would be here till the doctor came back on Tuesday.

Once again the nurses and care assistants were just great. The coffee was hot and strong and the food was surprisingly tasty. The long weekend was indeed long and only my liver was enjoying the rest!

On the Tuesday the consultant came back from his weekend off and looked at my ankle. I would be having the surgery the next day! However…the next day came around and it turns out they were busy. As I was a low priority and they were unable to guarantee a place on the table instead of spending all day “nil by mouth” only to be disappointed by the evening time they booked me in for the next day. Even before the doctor had left the ward I was pressing the call button to order breakfast!



To be continued