Hello Argentina. Any country that considers 600grams (well over half a kilo) to be the recommended portion size for a steak and serves it alongside a 900ml bottle of beer is ok in my book. For those that have previously queried my preferred portion size of chicken for fajitas should not visit Argentina. We certainly couldn´t sell these 900ml bottles of beer in the UK, the death rate from bottling would go through the roof.
Flying into a sunny, dazzling Buenos Aires felt like coming home, and I hadnt even left the airport. Is the call of the gays that strong?? I transferred quickly onto Mendoza (BA will come later). Mendoza, the heart of the wine producing region of Argentina. Mendoza Inn hostel was a welcoming sleeping spot, right on one of the main tree lined strips in town awash with lazy bars and eateries basking in sun, guarded by snow topped mountains.
A run in the main park preceded the first of two day long wine tours. The first, cheaper version was a combination of visiting three wineries with a chocolateria, travelling between each of them on bike. Hhhhhm, indeed, how safe. Still, we opted to Whittock up the tour by having a bottle before even getting on a bike, buying a bottle between four international companions at the vineyards to supplement the tastings we got, then attempting to cycle on.
This pepped up the cycling between wineries, with passing trucks struggling for space as 25 squiffy travellers swerved all over the place. The chocalateria on arrival appeared to be in the garage of a local woman, who appeared to be the female equivalent of Basil Fawlty; knowing no English, but having a dazzling array of comic actions to accompany her commentary. At the end was offered a free shot. It appears it was less about chocolate, and much more about home brew of spirits. A group of four lads opted for home made Absinthe. Never in my born days have I seen grown men weep over a shot, wrongly opting to taste before downing, claiming it was actually burning their mouths. After 15 minutes, wincing, growning and yelping the spirit maker was wetting herself laughing. I think she used the stuff to brush her teeth. I wouldn't use it to clean tractors.
The second tour was ten times the price, visiting some of the best bodegas, with a gourmet 5 course meal. My fellow companions I'm sure were delighted to be kept waiting outside my povvy hostel whilst I still slept inside still on Bolivian time, 1hr behind. Therefore without shower I joined them in dark glasses, once dowsed in aftershave chewing menthol sweets. Four retired Americans and a hungover richardlee. Oh my God. I couldn't work out who was worse off. But, I should have learned by now not to judge a book by it's cover. We chatted about travels, and I told them where in the states I'd visited. When Maylyn turned to me (I know, love that name!), slowly looked me up and down, and said "Well, you look like a south beach boy to me" and as she peered over her glances with a twinkle in her eye said "Miami beach, for sure". She had my number, down to a tee. The rest of the day was a riot with all four, and I definitely intend to take up the offer to stay with them in Florida! Youth is definitely not to do with age, it's all about attitude.
The final evening festivities were an all you can eat pizza party with free flowing tequila. All you can eat wasnt adjusting for the apetite of one richardlee. And the free flowing tequila had to free flow into vodka once we polished all that off. It was delivered in an 18-30 stylie, lying on the bar and having it poured into your mouth, nose and generally all over your face. I was slightly concerned for the smokers amongst us. We luckily ended up in a mixed gay/straight bar with the most appropriate name; Wish Disco. Brilliant! After 5, yes 5, cabaret acts I was quick to join the dancefloor, and much to my shock, as a boy went in for the kill all I could see out of my left eye was a wall of foam hurtling towards me. A foam party, this truly was an 18-30 night out........
And for those who have continued to read my exploits via the blog, I wanted to give something back. So, here is a little competition. Now that I have dipped my toe in the world of retail fashion, I saw these two childrens clothing stores close to each other. I would love to have been present during the discussions that evetentually decided on the name for each business. See if you can guess which one is the most inappropriate name for a childrens clothing store, in contrast to probably the best name you could come up with. The winner gets an ´............´ branded T-shirt sent to them..... Answers on a postcard please....
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