For something
that had been a plan for 10 months, the fact that I was actually leaving for Ecuador
was a surprise, something that sort of snuck up on me. So the night before my flight to Quito, I found myself
confused about what I was about to do.
It had been so easy to say that this was my plan – especially since as
soon as one graduates college they seemingly need a plan more than they needed
the college education itself – but it was proving more difficult to believe my
plan was a reality now that it was upon me in a matter of hours.
And for
something that is actually a large commitment, living and teaching abroad for a
year, I found myself only anxious about packing. I assume this was both a matter of
practicality (packing was something that I needed to do, and do right) and a
matter of avoidance (of what strength and work such an experience would
require).
But there was
practicality in that avoidance as well.
I found it a bit of a waste of time speculating about a place, and how I
would react to it, when I had no way of actually knowing about those
things. This would be my very first time
in South America, and only my fourth time physically being immersed in Latin
American culture (the others having been one trip when I was 8, and therefore
barely conscious of what was going on, to Guatemala and Costa Rica, and
subsequent visits to the latter country to visit my brother who currently lives
and works there). My lack of experience
and knowledge about the region I was entering made it even more difficult then,
and fruitless, to attempt to prepare psychologically in advance for the
upcoming year. I basically knew three
things only about the year: that it was happening, that it would likely be
challenging at times (to be an outsider, away from my family, surrounded by
people who I could barely communicate with), and that, in the end, the next
year had the potential to be the most significant and valuable experience in my
life thus far. And that was enough to
know, I suppose.
So when anyone
ever asked me if I was excited, I would reply with the obligatory affirmation,
but very little of me was capable of actually wrapping my mind around what exactly there was to be excited
about. I knew I was excited to learn Spanish
(opting to not dwell on just how tiring that would be), and to see a new
country, but it was difficult to know and think concretely about an experience
from which I had no idea what to expect.
So instead of attempting to mentally prepare myself for the year ahead
of me, I focused on buying the right shoes.
For the most
part, that seems to have been a good decision.
Shoes have proved to be important here, and I am pretty satisfied with
my decisions about them. All in all, I
did a great job packing. And I have to
give props to myself for that, because it was a hectic process there at the
end. And in many other ways, I was
sufficiently prepared for coming to Ecuador. In terms of my life, and where it was going
and what it was doing in those few months after college, it was definitely time
for me to do something real, something meaningful. I was in need of a change, and more
importantly, I was in desperate need of a challenge. In addition to the daily trials of living
abroad, teaching will definitely be that for me – something I will write about
later.
So Ecuador is something that I need,
and it is also something I am confident I can do. And I am happy with my decision to not spend
time trying to prepare myself for the culture shock that would be moving to Ecuador. I’ve always been a procrastinator, everyone
from my parents to the woman who interviewed me to see if I was capable of
entering my “gifted” middle school could tell you that, but in this situation I
believe that my procrastination (if you can all it that) of thinking about what
I was going to encounter has proved to be valuable. In this manner I was able to enter Ecuador with
few preconceived notions about what I was going to see, what I was going to
feel, and even what I was going to accomplish.
Indeed, the only thing I really wanted, and needed, was to come to Ecuador with a clean slate, and with the notion
that if the energies of the universe and of my own work so desired, this was a
grand opportunity for Ecuador
and I to learn from each other.
