Wondering and Wandering I graduated. Now what? Do I live the life I never wanted to live? The one where I move to the city, get a job in a corporate cubicle, and slave away 60 hours a week for $40,000 a year? No thanks. How about 5 years down the road when I settle on a girl I don't truly love, buy the car I don't need, have the marriage that won't last, buy the home I can't afford? No thanks. I want to see things, I want to experience life in every way. This is the only life I've got, I might as well make the most of it and do something I won't foget. So here I am, travelling the world one step at a time. Where I'm going is yet to be decided, how long I'm there is up in the air, but one thing's for sure. Whatever I do, where ever I go, I'm going to be living. You can count on that.

Apathetic

GERMANY | Wednesday, 27 June 2007 | Views [832] | Comments [7]

Im tired of being someone that im really not. There are times when I just dont give a shit about anything except for myself. Selfish? Yes. I think everyone needs times like those to keep themselves sane. Im done pretending I dont want to learn German because I hate it. I dont want to practice my spanish, I just want to speak English. Fine, I'm going to be a mono, big deal. George Clinton is a mono, he's successful. I can travel and be a mono. There are many things that I want to do, and that I want to be successful at, but only sometimes do I care about those things. This may come across to you as me being a complete asshole but I am tired of lying to myself and everyone else. All I want to do at this point in my life is see the world, help where I can, give my time to those who deserve it, and be myself. I want to do what I want to do, not what anyone else wants me to do. Give me advice and I'll listen but it doesnt mean Im going to do anything about it. Its nice to get these thoughts on "paper". There are very few people in this world that I respect, and I respect them because they've earned it. Some family members, some friends, thats it. If I don't know you, I probably dont respect you. Dont get me wrong, I'm not talking the kind of respect where I dont give you common courtesy, it's a different kind of respect. Just because you look a certain way, or think a certain way, or have money, fame, or status doesnt mean Im going to respect you. Ok, done bitching now. One more thing before I go....solitude is bliss, i just as happy with my own company as I am with the company of others.

Tags: Philosophy of travel

Comments

1

WOW!!!! You are on a rant. Thats ok though, everyone needs to vent occasionally. I hope this is just a temporary attitude adjustment.
I am happy you find some people admirable, thats a good thing. Just know that it is the people who care about you who are giving advise. Anyone else wouldn't bother.
As for being mono, well you are American after all. 90% of us are that way, too bad actually, its a big world.
You will do fine no matter what you do. Know you are loved and ALWAYS in my prayers. They help believe me.
Love, your prayerful, GM

Grandmother Jun 27, 2007 11:51 PM

2

Ditto you're GM in all things said! "Me, my, myself, I, I'm." Some pretty lonely words.
Prayers and Love,
Dad

Dad Jun 28, 2007 12:54 AM

3

nice rant, and nothing wrong with english! some of the best people i know only speak english... well, most of the people i know only speak english.. but still, thats my point

JC Jun 28, 2007 4:35 AM

4

Gee, will this be tolerated or respected?

Eating is a great motivator to learn a language. It is really hard to immerse yourself in a language, when every one around you is at least functional in your mother tounge. It will be no easier in Nepal.

Something to think about is that ALL of the masters programs that I looked at in history required a second language.

OWG

Old Wizended Goat Jun 28, 2007 5:19 AM

5

Being truthful to yourself is a type of art at least to me, not every person is able to do it and if you are, I give you props Alex. This is the time when you learn about yourself, you have time on your hands to get deep inside yourself and realize what makes you happy, sad, what makes you click, smile, etc…it’s a GREAT time, so don’t take it for granted.

When it comes to languages…I live in the US and I had a necessity to learn this language, which I don’t really like, but it gave me an opportunity to have something in my life: be able to travel, go have a drink, buy an occasional piece of sexy clothes…:-)))) German is not the most beautiful language…and I am sure when you get to a country and actually find yourself to fall in love with the language, you will change again…I guess this time just hasn’t come yet…but don’t stress about it and there is nothing wrong with just speaking English, you can speak 7 different languages, but if you’re an asshole, who would want to speak to you anyway?!!! So, keep your spirits up…I am proud you’re still going strong! Thinking of you often…

Un millione di baci….

Katja Smirnov Jun 29, 2007 1:44 AM

6

Alex. It's a beautiful thing not to be completely reliant on others and being able to leave things up to yourself has a certain amount of satisfaction in it. I know you won't forget the beauty in comeradeship, though, for no man is an island and everyone needs his "Wilson". I can't wait to be able to just sit and talk with you.
Love you.

Jessica Jun 29, 2007 4:06 AM

7

Good to know you are in touch with yourself. Living with people (who are not family - maybe even when they are family) is an art, a talent, and a skill. Being able to be alone and enjoy yourself is fabulous - not everyone can do this. Recognizing this is a plus. I am sad for those who must constantly be surrounded by others as they can never hear the quiet. How can you figure out who you are if you never experience solitude?

Remember to rely on your resources to better a situation when you can. Be effective, not affective.

Languages will come with time if you find them necessary or if you get hungry enough.

XOXOXO,
Mom

Diana Jun 29, 2007 4:28 AM