Dear Friends and Family,
I am writing from India, yes! Teodora and I have made it here!
For those of you with whom I have not been in touch after my 6
months at the Gampo Abbey, I will provide a brief report of my last 9
months in Toronto.
It was very interesting to come back to TO after six months in
retreat--to my surprise. the noise, speed and pollution of the city did
not affect me much.well, at least initially; nothing perturbed my
equilibrium. However, three months down the road,
I needed ear plugs to sleep. The discipline of daily meditation
has gradually eroded too. Nonetheless, it was wonderful time to
reconnect with friends and family, to deepen my relationships and
to experiment with various jobs and projects during this time.
My first job in Toronto was to look after my friend's little art
gallery, which was lots of fun and included walking my ex-dog Isa
(thanks Bailey for this opportunity and for adopting the beast!)
Another
job was selling organic soups and salads at the Big Carrot, an organic
co-op, where I have met many cool people of all ages-Tibetans, art
students, yoga teachers and the likes... the customers were mostly fun
and discriminating group of Riverdalers with whom I could have great
conversations while enticing them to organic delicacies... I very much
enjoyed talking to people without therapizing them..It was a great
practice for loosening my ego, as I kept meeting former clients and
colleagues to whom I had to present my new face.
I was also involved in a great project of helping to start a
spiritual support for the dying project at the Toronto Hospice (Thanks
Kanae for introducing me to these great place!)
It was so precious for me to be able to share my experience and
new learnings with this very enthusiastic and lovely group of staff and
volunteers! I was also honoured to help them create a ritual for
acknowledging deaths, which they can do as a group. (see the write up
attached at the end)
I have been exploring rituals lately and found them (when created with
openness and sincerity) to be of incredible value!
The main highlight of the last few months was Teodora and mine marriage-yes, my bachelor days are over!
we had a small spiritual ceremony at the Shambhala Centre in Toronto and were very fortunate to share it with people we love!.
It was a very meaningful process for both of us: writing our vows
or as we called them "aspirations", and composing the ceremony,
contemplating the meaning of our life together, our hopes and fears of
sharing our life.
You can view our wedding pictures and commentaries to them here:
Also, just before leaving Toronto for India, Teodora and I have
recorded a CD of Russian songs (I have not transcended my boastfulness
yet :-), which we were very pleased with. It was a one time recording,
using my small lap-top
and two mics rented from Long and McQuade in Toronto.
Everything takes ages to down or upload in this part of India, so stay tuned for a few samples of our songs..
Lastly, I managed to do some paintings and sell two pieces to
my friends (thank you Shari and Eva for supporting my budding talent!)
Over all these last 9 months in Toronto were very fruitful.
Although there was a spirit of adventure and novelty for me, it was
often
strange to be in this phase of weightlessness, not knowing exactly
where my path will lead, what job I will settle with, where will
Teodora and I live upon our return, what direction will crystallize,
and when?
Many people have asked me about my plans for India, what exactly am
I going to do here, what will I bring back, and how will use "it" in
the West?
I think ultimately these questions come from fear of
life's openness and bounty. It has become more and more clear to me.
For the safety- lovng part of us, the open space of life, its
unpredictability and impermanence is unbearably frightening. Most of
us come close to experiencing this fear when our routine breaks down
and we suddenly find our feet in the air....for some, this fear is
uncovered when, the inner necessity of change is powerful enough to
make us enter this undefined and intuitive space.
Giving up my job, going to the Monastery, experimenting with
various new jobs, travelling, I certainly face this fear, yet, which is
incredibly fortunate, I have also came to experince life as fresh,
exciting, deep and mysterious, full of serendipitous events, pregnant
with possibilities.
India is a place when you can let this ancient, modern, rich
and poor, complex and exotic environment work on you, as the sea works
on something hard to smooth it into a new shape. Did I mention
surrender? This is an ideal place for learning it. (more to come)
Anxieties are there, in various dose at different times, but
what also there, is a sense of liberation, a sense of my identity being
less rigidly defined, and therefore being more open, more open to
becoming or more precisely -more open to being!
In this new found openness, there is less of my face to save,
less need to know exactly when and how...and also a retrospective
awareness of how much energy and effort it took in the past to maintain
some kind of Face.
Now Teodora and I are in Northern India, Dharamsala, where we plan
to spend the next few months till December (when we travel to Nepal to
renew our Indian visa and study Buddhism) We are very happy to be
settled for a while after the whole months of travelling in Europe
(about it later) and getting over culture shock in Delhi and on the way
here.
"Settled " in Dharamsala includes being on a side (or main)
trip to Leh, Ladakh (small area on the border with China and Tibet.
Amazing! This is as close to Tibetan culture as one can get these days (and two long days by bus away from Dharamsala).
The mountains simply explode my mind!
Teodora and I are still terribly in love with each other,
which is wonderful considering that we have been married for the whole
5 months already! :-)
There are so many impressions from India and Europe, that I will have to write another letter...soon.
If you would like to be removed from this list, please send me an e-mail with remove in the heading.
Although it is hard to write to all of you individually, I would love to hear back from you
about your life. This way I tell you a story, and you will tell me yours.
May you be happy!
Misha
Leh,
Ladakh
India
Sep, 2007
Ritual of Honoring the Dead
1. establish a quite place, minimize disruptions, prepare candle, lighter etc (may be
a card with a name of the person to lean against the candle)
Place chairs in a circle. Consider the use of music, incense or anything else that
may enhance the quality of your experience. Agree in advance on who is leading the ceremony
(keeping timing, doing the reading etc)
2. sit quietly for 1-5minutes flowing your breath, allowing mind to settle, body to relax
3. light the candle and ask coordinators to say a few brief words about the person who is been honored
in the ceremony ( may include personal reactions, whatever they may be)
4. Reading
What is borne will die
What has been gathered will be dispersed
What has been accumulated will be exhausted
What has been built up will collapse
And what has been high will be brought low
(from Tibetan Buddhist tradition)
By honoring (name of a person (s) ) we honor death as inevitable part of life's cycle.
We honor X's life, everything in it, his/her joy, pain, the bright and the dark:
all the mystery that is involved in X being born, growing into an adult, turning old and passing away.
We use the event of X's death to remind us about impermanence and preciousness of life.
We too will follow her one day.
We hope that our lives will nourish and meaningfully touch people around us,
so that when time comes to die, our hearts are in peace.
We are sending our support and compassion to X's family and friends.
When we put out this candle, X, we let you go......
5. Blow off the candle
6. sitting silently for 3-5 minutes to absorb, embody the experience, to mark the transition back to the next activity..
