On the morning of day 2 of the safari I am trying to think of the best way to articulate this part of the trip. We are in the truck for 11 hours today which will be a regular occurrence during the journey as we try to cover such a vast amount of kilometres.
This trip which started in Tanzania takes us to Malawi, Zambia and then Kate and I depart in Zimbabwe. Some days are travel days, some days will involve activities. Some days we will be contactable by wifi, some days we will be off the grid for 48-72 hours at a time.
So my plan is - on each morning after breakfast whether in the truck or relaxing with some free time to give a day by day account of what we have been up to. Before the tour we spent 2 nights in Stone Town, the old part of Zanzibar Town and out of interest the original capital city of Oman. We tracked through the cobblestone maze to our hotel which we chose as that was where the tour stared from. We then got upgraded! Had to lug our bags 20min walk down the road (and subsequently back), had a bed that broke an hour into our sleep (trust me I wish it was a better story than just my fat ass making it give way) and without fully understanding paid $50 for a small load of washing. Upgrade... On our second night while we have been very well behaved the urge to relax a bit was too great and while only a couple Kate and I enjoyed some quiet froths while watching the majestic sunset over the continent of Africa. Stone Town is a beautiful place and without doubt the safest we have felt in Africa.
Day 1 - Zanzibar to Bagamoyo
At the hotel a group of 12 travelers and a guide turned up. What we didn't realise is that we are tacking on a 48 day tour some people are doing from Nairobi to Cape Town. 3 people jumped off and Kate and I jumped on marking the next 2 weeks with the 11 tourists, our guide Mambo, our cook Mike and the driver who I'm just calling brother - not sure if that's racist but he seems cool with it. Most know I am terrible with names but we have an interesting group to say the least.
We have Winston from the Sunshine Coast who is about 74 and just adorable. Emma from Moonee Ponds and Talia from Moe-way are the youngsters of the trip. Kate and I (yes I am in Kate's age bracket) are followed by Sanna from Finland and Nathalie from Switzerland. We then have two Canadian guys Pierre in his late 40s and my Chocolate Bear Zubair in his early 20s. And then the star attractions 'Jon' and 'Cecelia' - a Korean couple who speak the funniest broken English, fuss over everything and everyone and fight like an old married couple. The group told us, and the proof is there, that they are a walking comedy act.
The group took us out to a local food joint where you had to guess what was on the menu of street food and made us feel really welcome. It's early days but it's a lovely group and it put a spring in our step. The main purpose of today was to get to our camp ground on the mainland in Bagamoyo up north along the coast. This meant a ferry across to Dar El Salaam which was extremely comfortable and much cleaner than Thai or Greek ferries which I have used in the past. After the fight to collect bags and a serious fight between bag staff we walked to our big truck which is the base of the next 14 days. While only spending 20min there, I am very glad that I have seen and know I don't want to go back ever to Dar El Salaam. Not for me that joint - crowded, messy and rough. Our two hour bus ride took us to the camp ground where I, with the help of Kate and others, set up my very first tent and then we sat down to dinner. If tonight's meal is anything to go by, Mike is the man and can cook with limited resources. Maybe it was hunger but the food was beautiful. As the new guys we were introduced to the 'family rules' and chore lists as well as how we go about things. Not that prostitutes and hardcore drugs are a huge issue for me it's always good to know where the boundaries are! Much to Kate's delight we were informed also of the 5.30am wake up to pack up camp, make lunch, eat breakfast and hit the road. Kate and I shared a less than romantic cold shower - which was refreshing due to the stifling heat - and hit our camp early for the big day tomorrow. 14 days right now feels like a long time but it's a long adventure I am excited about and I am excited about spending it with this new bunch of people from very varied facets of life.
Day 2 - Bagamoyo to Iringa
There is nothing like the sound of a 5.15am alarm. Unless you're me and already awake 25min before the alarm because you don't really need sleep, do you Michael!? I knew that putting up the tent was too easy and that the trick was coming - I wasn't to be let down either. I am very lucky I had Kate there to help me keep my cool and to honestly take charge of the situation. I showcased my talents by lifting everything onto the truck! We prepped our lunch as group, ate breakfast as a group and cleaned up as a group which was enjoyable. We then set out upon out 560km journey which in Africa comes with it a very different timeframe to the same drive back home!
There isn't much to report from this drive. The rotating seat policy in the truck had Kate and I hidden away up the front tho I don't think either of us minded. Head phones with tunes and podcasts kept us happy for a while, but 10 then 11 hours in you start to get tired and cranky.
We arrived just before dark and I was able to check the cricket scores just before they turned it off at 7. It gives me time to catch up on the world but no really reply. I was very glad to read Salami made a duck after potting my Kieran Peters memorial medal from my astronomical year in Tatyoon. Good effort by the boys in the 1s and I'm investing my money in Spazooka!
Dinner was again delicious and we then found out we had a 13 hour drive tomorrow (including what will be about 3 hours at the border which I am super excited about). Kate and I were commended for our tent abilities and I owned up that I did stuff all and Kate deserved all the credit. Off to bed for our 4.45am wake up.
Day 3 - Crossing the border into Malawi
Finding the early mornings aren't a big bother at all, in fact I sort of enjoy them. I am getting a little annoyed at the jostling for power on the bus and the freedom of sharing facts and opinions. While I know they mean well and both have a wealth of knowledge I still bear the wounds of my cross-America trip in 09. I have decided to affectionately name Pierre "Wiki" and Emma "Wiki Jr" to help me deal with their frank-like tendencies.
Just before the border about 7 hours into the drive Mambo sat us all down for a history lesson about East and South Africa. Wiki and Wiki Jr were desperate to debate and disprove every fact but it was honestly fascinating hearing this history from someone who lived it. I don't think anyone in Australia would have heard a good word about Colonel Gaddaffie and Robert Mugabe but his words has prompted me to do more research and learn the other side of the story. While admitting (especially Mugabe) they may have lost their way a bit, he was so passionate about the impact of change they brought to a proud people. Our favourite part tho was when he was talking about socialism and then communism and pointed right at the Korean couple - brilliant.
The border was typical of our African experience so far - lazy, disorganised and a lengthy process but we were much better prepared this time and accepting of the process. Pairs were given a task of learning some local words from the Malawi people so Kate and I paid a kid to teach us. We tried to coax a swear word out of him but he was too polite. After 45min my passport and visa were returned with my new name 'Talia Newton'. I tried to explain this to the customs guys who couldn't really care less so they used a pen to scratch her name out and incorrectly write mine in. I really don't think the next border will care one little bit from what I've learned so far.
The next 3 days we are camping on Lake Malawi. We received a bit of a history lesson which again told from a non-Westerner POV was fascinating to take in. Malawi is the hottest country in Africa, the poorest and has the most mozzies...but it is really really beautiful to drive through. The lake area is surrounded by sheer mountains and the water itself is an ocean blue.
Not so early a start tomorrow as we aren't leaving until 8am so bit of free time in the morning to explore the immediate area. The group is definitely more comfortable with each other now and despite some jostling at story time is for the majority fun.
Day 4 - Kande Beach
I set the alarm for 6.30am but nature's alarm clock had us wide awake before then. While not horribly hot first thing, the sun is blaring and you just know what is coming. I stuck to the promise I made to myself and went to the lake's edge for my exercises and a swim. It didn't take long for me to attract a crowd as I stood out like a log amongst a bunch of sticks :) Soon I was swimming with 'Vegemite', 'Cheap As Chips', 'Party Boy' and boring old 'Sam'. I know they were only trying to convince me to come to their shop but they were actually quite funny and really lovely to talk to. Their English was fantastic and their knowledge of Australia surprising. I was even given my own name 'Michael Jordan' despite me trying to explain that my greatest achievement was a D-grade flag with the Snowbulls. The setting for this meeting of the cultures had the back drop of the rising African sun, a location that people would pay an absolute fortune to holiday at and some of the cleanest freshest water I could have imagined.
We needed supplies and stopped at a huge supermarket next to an even bigger outdoor market that was full of people and stalls. Each person was given 2000K (roughly $3.65) and an item to purchase for upcoming dinners. Kate and I were given 3 bunches of lettuce and 20 ripe bananas. So after loading up on some western supplies like Coke, chips and chocolate at the supermarket we braved the chaos of the market. There was everything and it seemed like everyone under the sun. We avoided the 'Noke' and 'Addodas' runners and by-passed the plastic bucket of raw chicken parts that was more fly than meat roasting in the sun and found what was honestly a lovely fruit and veg hall. The people to our delight were so helpful and really friendly. We purchased 6 lettuce and 30 bananas and still took back 1400K to the guides. We were honestly quite proud of ourselves.
Mid-afternoon we arrive at Kande Beach on the shores of Lake Malawi and for the first time had 2 nights in one spot. The best way I can describe this camp site is if it were in Thailand or Bali, with the water front access and the miles of sand, water and sun you would pay $100's per night for the privilege. Kate and I decided to upgrade from our tent and paid an extra $20usd per night for a beach front chalet! It was something out of a travel catalogue and baffling that the poorest place on earth could have the richest view imaginable. With nothing planed people swam, baked and slept the day away before an early night and a comfy bed.
Day 5 - Kande Beach
Today was a day that elicited a number of really raw emotions and discussions from the group. 7 of the tour (including Kate and myself) went for a two hour guided walk through a local village. As we left the gate a very uncomfortable situation occurred where we where swamped -even stampeded - by about 20 local young men. Hands were thrown in front of you to shake and every person was separated very strategically with 3 locals to a person. Everyone received the same story - I am an artist saving to go to college - and many questions about where you are from and your family. We were each bombarded until the first part of the village where they dropped off and the guide took over showing us homes, cooking methods and water pumps. As we headed off to the second part of the village we were again joined by our new "friends." As the heat and humidity rose so did the uncomfortableness of the group as the selling of art started to invade personal space and we were warned our money was better spent on them than the local hospital or school.
As we entered the hospital our harassment stopped but our hearts would soon break. The local clinic in this village has a catchment of 18,000 people. It is staffed by one medical assistant and one midwife. They are on call 24/7, 365 days a year and have the help only of a few local volunteers. Major surgeries and emergency operations happen at the main hospital 75km away - but the ambulances don't have enough money for petrol. If you break your leg or appendix burst or need a C-section, good luck getting yourself to the hospital! The clinic handles on average:
- one birth per day as girls are sold off at 13 for marriage, most likely raped and have their first child young. 25% of babies don't make their first year.
- 100 cases of malaria per month which can be treated but not prevented because people can't afford mosquito nets
- 6 cases of AIDS and the resulting counselling (year to date)
- elderly support where the life expectancy is 50 and if you make 60 you have outstayed your welcome
- unsterile equipment including needles, bed pans and blankets which the medical assistant just shrugged with a look of defeat knowing this is all they had
- at least 50 people waiting to be seen at 10am when we were there
These numbers and facts were mind boggling, depressing and shocking all at the same time. You felt empty, helpless and wondered how you ever survived that vicious paper cut you got last week. It was simply flattening and to make matters worse the 25min walk back to base was joined again by the now even more aggressive touts. By the time we got back while not really in our nature it was a case of pushing past them all to get in the gate. They hung over the fences and peered around corners all day yelling your name telling you to come collect your painting. You do everything in spite of yourself to remain calm and pleasant and simply say no thank you.
The rest of the day was spent much the same as yesterday but much more quiet reflection as you think about how good you have it and what can you do for that poor clinic. Dinner was reserved until Mambo bought up the tour and the complaint (rightfully so) raised by John and supported by all of us. It was so conflicting wanting to feel so sorry for people who need it and feeling anger towards people who spend their life harassing people while the other villages slave over crops and illness. The conversation was healthy as I think a lot of people needed to get some feelings off their chest about their experiences and while not everyone agreed, everyone was respectful and had a stronger connection after as a result. The passion in Mambo and the realisation in the group about the struggles of Africa is why Kate and I did this trip.
Day 6 - Crossing the border into Zambia
Another day another 12 hours in the truck as we crossed the border on route to 'Croc Valley' camp for the next two nights. Fairly uneventful drive but seeing Sanna and Nathalie watch Deadpool for the first time with the full English subtitles was brilliant. It was also my first time just across the border where we used a 'walking bureau'. Zambia does not have what we know as money exchanges so basically you walk up to a guy - in our case fat-Shaft - and negotiate a rate. What he gave us was fair enough considering he could have killed me with his stare and even trusted us to bring him back change after our supermarket shop. When I asked him if he was sure he replied with "I'll be waiting here" putting the fear of God inside me and a little bit of wee inside my jocks.
On our arrival to camp we had a safety talk. Blah blah blah don't go out at night, don't swim in the river etc...incorrect. This was a genuine safety talk! We were sharing our camp with hippos, elephants, crocodiles, snakes, monkeys and while less likely but still a possibility lions. We were given instructions on how to conduct ourselves and what to do if confronted by one at night - which differed for every animal. The group very quickly realised this was serious and quite a few jumped at the opportunity of an accommodation upgrade, but not my 'Jane'. With shoulders back and grit in her teeth we were setting up the tent.
I have never been happier to be woken up at 2.30am. At 12am with headlight on I headed to the toilet and jumped at the sight of 6 sets of menacing Impala eyes staring back at me. Bravely I got back to sleep to be woken again by the sound of munching. Odd sound to be woken by but when I got my bearings Kate and I sat protected by a sheet of tarp and a fly screen 3 meters away from a grazing hippo! The pictures we took on our phones are terrible. The memories stored in our heads will stay with us forever.
Day 7 - 2 x Safari Tours at South Luangwa National Park
The camp site at the breakfast table was a buzz with animal encounters and near death experiences. We had 2 game drives today - one 6am to 10am and then another 4pm to 8pm. The second drive came with a fee but us nature experts knew that was the one to be on.
The morning drive was good without being spectacular. The excitement of the morning wore off and due to the long stretches of nothingness and some over tiredness Kate and I both knew we needed a nap. Some good pictures were taken but honestly I was happy to be home, smash down a feed and get to bed for a couple of hours. It was exactly what we both needed tho as we woke up refreshed and feeling good. I was even pointed to a gym that had a lot of the kennel qualities of my main man's Invigorate gym and I took great pleasure in getting a sweat on then joining the cool kids for a swim feeling like 'Buff the Stuff'.
Just as we got out to get showered we were informed of some of the funniest news ever. Despite all warnings and always knowing better, our Asian (Korean) friends set up a mini picnic on a table and for some reason took all their medications with them. Sure enough after turning their back for 2min, a monkey had worked its way in and was tucking into malaria tablets. We all thought the story accompanied by their reactions was hysterical. A baboon got into our truck looking for food and luckily didn't find our Africa version of Kingstons hidden away. It did however leave its mark on the windscreen on the truck, cracking it in an attempt to break out. When I asked the driver (who I've since picked up his name is Dan) they would have to do he replied TIA (This Is Africa) and that we would drive on with not a worry in the world...
From the get go we knew we were on a winner with the second game drive greeted by 3 stunning giraffes before we officially entered the park. Herds of elephants, hippos, Impala and zebra in numbers I'd never imagined seeing. We apparently were very lucky to see very rare wild dogs in the morning, but to see a lone cheater walk across an open field meters away from us finally left everyone speechless. I could not have been happier with what I was able to see and the cheesy grin on my face was a testament to this. Just as we stopped for our halfway snack, admiring the lightning in the distance was lighting up the dusk sky a thunder bolt of lightning very very frightening me crashed next to us and the rains erupted. Our canopy and company issued ponchos were as useless as a spoon in a gun fight and we were soaked in a matter of minutes. Wiki Jr had her phone ruined by the rain but it's ok cause she already knows everything. We called a stop to the tour with the information the animals would be all hiding as much as we wanted to but returned very satisfied and so so happy with what we had just seen.
Talia's 22nd birthday and accompanying cake was a lovely way to end the evening. Our tent leaking due to the constant rain was the worst way possible to be woken up. It was a slow dripping torture that seemed to make the mattress puddle creep closer and closer to my head. Just as we were about to give up the rain eased and a tent readjustment allowed us to get the standard 3-4 hours before hitting the road again.
Day 8 - Drive To Petauke
We arrived at the supermarket needing to buy supplies for today and tomorrow as our future holds a very isolated drive to the Zimbabwean border. The truck seemed to stop just in time as well thanks to the question posed by Mambo "why is Africa poor?". Were there some opinions or what!!! I kept my mouth shut until safely off the bus by expressing an opinion that Kate shares and it is in all honesty this place is just so far away no one really cares! It was nice that someone here cared enough to to give us a wolf-whistle and tell us we are a good looking couple - thanks brother we needed that :)
Arriving at our destination 5 of us decided to jump into a taxi and head to the main town about 4km away. After they tried to load us into a small car that already had two people in it four of us crammed into the back seat of an equally small car with the big man in the front keeping a close eye on the shattered windshield held together by chewing gum. The police stopped us and we all thought here we go how much is this going to cost us. Considering ourselves particularly stiff when you factor in there are probably to police cars for the whole countryside our calm and cool driver got out and with a 'handshake' we were on our way. In search of some beers we soon gave up not finding anything suitable and copping the classic Mizungu welcome to a town that doesn't see many white people. We settled for some local beers at the campsite bar and the price tag of 12K ($1.60) made the Mosi taste all the better accompanied by a funny game of Heads Up.
Day 9 - Drive to Lusaka
The next couple of days see us back in the truck for lengthy periods of time as we track our way to the Zimbabwean border and capital city of Harare. Lusaka is the capital city of Zambia for those that don't know because I sure as hell didn't!
We stopped at a local town where the border of Mozambique meets Zambia and enjoyed the sights (rubbish), sounds (local touts) and smells (horrible) of the small market strip. It's been a while since I lost the traveller hat I stole off the Big Dog in 2013 so treated myself to a new one. We used our stop in Lusaka to book some accommodation for Cape Town - it's been a while since I have used an Internet Cafe and they are as bad as I remember them. We have booked some millionaires pool house for $46 per night over 8 nights. I feel like Will and Carlton. Feeling a bit homesick and detached from friends and home life we jumped at a chance to sit at what looked like and was a really nice cafe. Milkshakes, iced coffees and cakes gave us a little boost and a reminder of Melbourne life. The guy who sparked up a dart (the cafe was indoors) reminded us we were far away from Melbourne!
An uneventful day and a quiet night with 12 hours in the truck tomorrow.
Day 10 - Crossing the border into Zimbabwe
Cleaning your teeth at sunrise with 3 zebra eating their breakfast 5 metres away from you is one of the best ways ever to cope with your 9th pre-5.30am alarm in a row. This was however about as good as the day got with very little to report. It took us 12 hours with a couple of mini stops and an uneventful border crossing to reach the camp site just on the outskirts of Harare.
We drove about 400km thought the Zimbabwean countryside and right through the city throughout the day. I have mentioned early Mambo giving us his "3 sides of the coin" version of African history and early in the trip his discussion regarding his beloved Robert Mugabe aka Uncle Bob. Much more detail was given today and it was honestly a truly fascinating story. In the western world we know the horrible way he went about things in the late 90s and through the 2000s. What we don't know is of a people who called him King for the advances in technology, infrastructure and the standard of living he brought to a nation before greed and power infected him like a cancer as it does so many of histories polarising brilliant leaders. The country of Zimbabwe is this exact contrast.
Crops are organised and rich with modern farming techniques. Houses seem to be built with a purpose and town planning in mind. The city is a buzz with neon billboards, properly wired power lines, traffic lights, museums and restaurants. BMW's roam the streets safely in an organised structure with the other cars. You find yourself asking where is the poverty and crime and sex slavery you read about. The reason you don't see it is because like all clever cities around the world this part is hidden from public view. The 'benefits' of being on a budget tour is you aren't staying in the middle of the city each night. We drove through a slum on the south eastern side of the city. The difference 5km made was mind blowing. I thought about it all night and cannot put in words the horrible conditions the other half live in here - the even more alarming problem is that it isn't 'half' but closer to 85-90% living below the poverty line. It was one of the saddest things Kate and I have ever seen - what seems like hundreds of thousands of people dumped in a ghetto smaller than a suburb left to fend in a place where a prostitute is cheaper than half a loaf of bread. Then 5km down the road again, the ghetto is a million miles away as the country again sprawls open into vibrant western-like nation. We have the next 6 days here and will be seeing world heritage sites and natural wonders of the world...the image of that ghetto will live with me forever.
Day 11 - Harare to Masvingo
This mornings breakfast partners were chickens. There is something very unsettling about watching people feed chickens scrambled eggs and the chickens in turn lapping it up like I would a pork belly and crackling.
Our drives are now becoming shorter and less frequent as amazingly to us we enter the last few days of our trip. A five hour drive highlighted by the obsession of some of the truck members to smash some dirty bird and the brilliant find by Kate of a $10usd bottle of Smirdoff! Kate and I also purchased 2 pillows for $6usd each which would prove to be one of the best investments we have ever made. After a relatively short 5 hour drive we arrived at camp. Once set up and fed we prepared for our day's activity.
Great Zimbabwe is a world heritage site and with good reason. It is acknowledged as the 2nd oldest man made structure in Africa behind the pyramids, and the 4th oldest in the world. It is truly humbling when you visit a site like this. The granite built maze of rooms with towering walls, some built on the top of an impossible tall hill makes your brain hurt as you try to come to grips with the fact this is over 1400 years old. It is a true testament to ancient techniques and skills. The structure on the top of the hill was where the 8 ancient kings of Great Zimbabwe ruled from. Each king was adored by 200 wives and one queen. The queen lived in the monstrous structure below. If the king wanted to see her he had to make his way down to her. History reports tho the King didn't do that very often, as from his palace above the village he would every day have his oriole echo out to the people below. A new wife would make the quite difficult trek up and spend the night. After boredom set in for the King he would send her packing and get the next wife sent on up! It is reported that kings man have upwards of 1000 children. This may put some validity to the claim that Uncle Bob is of Royal decent and therefore justified in his maniacal grip on this perplexing nation. It was so nice to stretch and use the muscles as we walked in some difficult terrain for around 3 hours. Of course the Koreans hated every second of it and bless him old Winston straggled behind but the rest of us had a lot of fun and evened out the seriousness of what we were doing with a few laughs.
Back at camp Mike the cook prepared pork for dinner. He failed to tell Mambo, Dan and fellow traveller Zubair that he had made pork - all three are Muslims! The discarding of their meals tho meant I was able with Kate to feed this poor stray dog who we named Africa Bruce. The poor thing was terrified of males no doubt due to beatings and reaffirmed my philosophy of giving homeless dogs a second chance. We had quite unbelievable our first fire of this trip considering who I am married to and most of us sat around having a few drinks, many laughs and some great stories shared by Mambo of 'when westerners stuff up on tour'.
Day 12 - Masvingo to Bulawayo
"Would you like to stop at the souvenir shop?" is like fingers on the chalkboard to me. Unfortunately I am a lone-ranger when it comes to this view normally but Pierre shares my disdain for useless crap. So while Kate and the others browsed Pierre and I read the local rag. The best way to describe the articles we read was like reading the screenplay for an episode of Housos. Of the hundreds to chose from, the below quote sums up what we were reading...
"If she doesn't back off, my okapi will dance a gwara-gwara inside her privates" #brilliant
We arrived at camp before lunch and were able to set up knowing we had the next 2 nights here. Kate and I desperately handed over some washing to the local shop and got ready for a trip into town. Bulawayo is the second biggest city in Zimbabwe and much like Harare dresses as a successful, well managed and relatively wealthy city. Again craving some 'home life' we found a local cafe where I was greeted by "I nearly had a heart attack you look like my boss!". Now it's just racist to say all white people look the same but when a 6'2" big man with arms and guts pumped out, and mangy unkept beard and hair in a bun I sort of saw the resemblance. His name was Kimba and he was an ex-pat from Dandenong! We had a great chat over coffee and cake and were invited to dinner but it is hard with our current arrangements to take him up on his offer.
That night after dinner the group staying onto Cape Town got some sad news as the whole crew - Mambo, Dan and Mike - will be leaving them the same time we do at Vic Falls. Obviously a huge blow for the guys, who also learned about the introduction of 13 new campers, must be annoying. So Kate and I cheered up those who wanted to be the only way we know how - we got everyone super drunk, watched vulgar YouTube clips and told even more tasteless jokes. We weren't up until 7am the next day so we drank and talked until the ridiculous time of 11pm.
Day 13 - Matobo National Park
The night before we met Ian. Ian is Zimbabwe's answer to Steve Irwin. He wears the tan shorts and shirt, is 6'4" and his skin is as aged and brown as the old lady from "There's something about Mary". The man can't go 10min without a dart and talked to us with a beer in hand. Ian was at the camp to sell us his safari trip tomorrow to see the Matobo National Park and meet the resident endangered white rhinos. Kate and I had been for the idea but against the heavy price tag. But a phenomenal and passionate sales pitch and a generous donation from a very great person meant we were on our way the next morning. It was a move we would not and will never regret.
Today was my favourite day of our trip so far, the most relaxed I have ever felt in 20 years (apart from when I finished my speech at my wedding) and a day that emotionally drained and enthralled me more than any I remember.
Within an hour into the trip, we were standing less than 3 metres away from a family of 5 white rhinos. No pictures could capture the adrenaline, amazement and awe we experienced and Ian was particular chuffed with himself having shown us his 'babies'. Our high was short lived however as we were about to get some hard facts about why rhinos are an extremely endangered species.
The plight of the rhino is horrific and it's so sad that we Westerners got so upset about Cecil the lion, who it turns out, was on deaths door and shot legally for $50,000 (the money given to conservation) yet no one blinks when the Rhinos are butchered for their horns and left to die because a race of ignorant men with small dicks want to crush and use the horn as a growth stimulant. Scientifically proven to be as effective as eating your own toe nails, this horrific practice is all in the name of a dated and useless tradition. I can't remember being more angry or frustrated at the billions of dollars paid to destroy an entire species when there is (according to Ian) a viable and humane solution to supply the demand by trimming the rhinos horns every 5-10 years and help the animals survive. This would also fund the struggling conservation parks and provide much needed assistance to the native African communities in Rhino areas, who are currently enticed to help the poachers to mame and kill the Rhinos instead - a risky activity that sees many die due to the Rangers authority to "shoot to kill" any suspected poachers. This solution is vetoed time and time again by the western world and we were embarrassed to learn that one of the objectors is Australia.
We also got a lesson in the Pygmys (or Bushman people) who still live in some remote parts of Africa today. Ian's passion was entrancing as he told us stories backed by cave paintings, scientists, historians and his own experiences working with Bushman people for the past 35 years. As a human race we are destroying this earth, the creatures put on it, the original inhabitants that outdate even Aboriginals in Australia, and we continue to do nothing but make it worse. The earth will go on for a long time after the cancer that consumes it is gone and days like today make me rethink what I want to do with my life and that maybe we deserve what is coming.
Before our day finished, we got to visit the gravesite of Cecil Rhodes and learn some more Zimbabwean history from a 'white mans' perspective. What a contrast!! After a lengthy day of debating indigenous cultures, apartheid, and conservation, there has never been a more appropriate time to reflect on the saying 'it's better to stay silent and have people think you're in idiot than to speak and prove them wrong.'
Once in your life, and within the next 2 years because at current poaching rates that's how long the rhinos have got, I urge people to visit this park. The majesty of the rhinos and the surreal beauty of an ancient landscape, rolling volcanic hills and powerful waterfalls is along with the 12 (9) apostles the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It will question and change your life and I cannot stress that more. I would love to paint the picture and go through all we saw but I do not have the verbatim and it would be unfair to try. This is one of the most amazing places on earth. I will never forget what I saw and felt today.
An emotional roller coaster. We were stuffed and despite the pouring rain after dinner slept like the dogs after 3 days down the beach.
Day 14 - Bulawayo to Victoria Falls
For all the nice things I said about Zimbabwe yesterday, today it was shattered by the ugly side. On no less than 5 occasions we were stopped by the road police and the guys fined every single time. Bribes were exchanged and arguments were had but each time a new crazy law was invented. It's such a shame as the country needs tourism but treats its tourists like garbage. We consider ourselves lucky to have been on the bus rather than in a car on our own or these fines would have been coming from our pockets.
Victoria Falls - the smoke that thunders - truly deserves its ranking in the 7 natural wonders of the world. It was honestly breathtaking and mesmerising as you watching billions of litres of waters crash to the ground below. If you ever do go please remember to hire a rain coat. The "she'll be right" mentality of this idiot meant a very cold, wet and uncomfortable walk home. Especially uncomfortable having to buy supplies for tonight's main event and booking our river cruise with the group tomorrow night while leaving a trail of water behind myself everywhere I went.
Our last dinner as a family - and we have become a family of sorts - started with the heartfelt thanks. Dan and Mike went first, both giving loving kind words and encouraging us to spread the word of Africa and informing us that white people don't wash their hands enough. I was then asked to speak on behalf of the group which was a bit of an unexpected honour but nailed it as usual. Kate encouraged Wiki Jr to speak and Emma spoke beautifully but no where near as well as me ;-) It was now Mambo's turn who as he had for the past 14 days had everyone hanging off his every word. He spoke with passion and real feelings as he wished everyone well on their futures travels, and presented each of us with a souvenir bird to keep us safe. Very clear instructions of not breaking the bird were given to us - within 10min 6 of us including Kate and myself had committed this crime dooming the rest of our trip!!!
With all the emotional stuff out of the way it was time to do what I do best - be a menace and get drunk. The whole crew minus John, Cecelia and Winston hit the town in the best gears our backpack had to offer and did we hit the town! Highlights of the night I remember and reminded to me are:
- Chocolate Bear (Zubair) disappearing into the toilet with a lady of questionable sexual origins (there is no real doubt but for people's sanity we will call it an "easy mistake")
- Myself and Thalia threatening to get a tattoo as revenge for her boyfriend piercing his nose with a fish hook back in Aus - what a man!
- Sanna 'coming out of the closet' while extremely pissed and attacking my wife's and a few local's necks
- Nathalie getting a bit of the fever with a local lad
- Emma's extremely quick learning abilities when being taught how to twerk (if you haven't seen a black woman twerk do yourself a favour)
- Kate and I somehow escaping a night that required her constant attention to get me home with a tab of only $23usd
- classic mighty falling into a ditch at the campsite, not being able to work out how to get out, giving up and laying there like a turtle on his back for 15min
GREAT night
Day 15 - Vic Falls (end of tour)
Today I did something I have never ever done in my life. After getting home somehow at 2am the night before Kate and I woke at 9.30am. Realising we have missed our last organised meal on the trip we thought let's have a small nap and get lunch a bit later...next thing I know Kate is yelling at me to wake up at 3.30pm as our boat cruise leaves in 30min! There is nothing in the world like being 25 again and at 4pm having your first drink of any sort of liquid and that liquid being a Rum and Coke!
While others who joined us had been awake a bit longer than us, it didn't take long for the alcohol to re-kick in, the war stories from last night to flow and our obnoxiousness on a boat full of 80yo bird watchers to kick in. At one point Pierre was asked if he was from America...this did not sit well with the big fella who unloaded about using his brain rather than a gun and a whole heap of anti-American sentiment. Once he had finished he politely asked the couple where they resided - "Washington". I can't remember a time this trip where I or the group laughed harder. The cruise was fun and we carried on like we were the only people in the world. Kate was looking to drink but sadly appears to have developed an allergy to vodka adding to her claim as world's worst drinker. I really had a fun night and it was good to just relax and be able to be yourself with people from all different backgrounds and walks of life. Chocolate Bear, Mambo and I kept the party going after dinner and I think the bar tender hearing the rot spilling from our mouths made the right call to a close. His decision justified as I again fell in the ditch which hurt all the more as I was trying so hard this time not to repeat my mistake.
Day 16 - Vic Falls
A complete rest day and one of many that at the moment feel very required. Achieved nothing other than a nap around the pool and watching monkeys ravage the bins in the camp site looking for a meal. We had always planned to do nothing on this day and after the last two nights we couldn't have managed much more. There were good intentions of going back to the falls but there was enough water in the pool to keep me satisfied.
Day 17 - Vic Falls to Cape Town
After emotional but quick goodbyes to save off any embarrassment we headed with Sanna and Emma to the airport. It was only fitting at check-in to see 'Washington' - how I wished I had roaming wifi or wouldn't get arrested for taking pictures in customs areas.
This is where I will leave this blog. It is long enough and South Africa will deserve its own fresh start. If i said it to you individually I meant it - the people that made this trip what it was I will never ever forget you and can't thank you enough for making our experience better.
Until next time, Mighty out
