Mighty's World Tour

Blog 19 - Istanbul

mighty10 — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 05:45:00 GMT

At 6.10am local time our overnight flight from Jo'Berg to Istanbul landed dropping off two very weary travellers. While there are no complaints with the service provided by Turkish Airways, there is no way in economy you can really enjoy 9 and a half hours on a plane when you know you should be sleeping but simply cannot. The only thing that kept us going was the excitement that we had arrived in a dream location. Our stay in Istanbul was not to disappoint.

You are greeted in the country by 2 things - the bustling organised chaos of a city that is home to more people than live in our entire country and the constant haze of cigarette smoke. I say neither of these things to put off future travellers or as a knock, they are just small facts that are part of the make up of this hectic and amazing city. People are everywhere, cars fight for millimetres of space and 90% of the population enjoy a packet of darts a day. We were also greeted by and not prepared for leaving a Southern Hemisphere summer and being welcomed by Eastern European winter!

Our home - and I really do mean home this time - for the past 11 nights was an apartment building in Sultanahmet in the heart of the old city. I have made a promise not to fill this blog with advertisements for local establishments however if ever in this city, make sure you jump on Airbnb and look up Cube Suites. I cannot promise you will have the experiences we had (more on this later) but if you are open to meeting the staff there the chances are you will go away with a heavy heart saying goodbye to some amazing people. Yusef and Erol run and manage the accommodation. They are there 24/7 between them fussing over your every need, pouring coffee and tea at will and never short of a recommendation on what to and not to see.

Unfortunately the tourism took a bit of a back seat for the first few days. While firstly needing to recover from the transit, I also had an issue that needed attending which had been placed on the back burner for a good two years. An already pretty damaged tooth broke into 3 pieces while finishing off the Africa leg. No longer able to put the pain to the back of my mind but unwilling to contract HIV in Africa, the American Hospital in Istanbul was paid a visit. I was very brave and a very big boy. The tooth was removed with minimal fuss and the stitches come out tomorrow. A few days of soup, icy poles and loving attention had me raring to eat a few days later.

Yusuf over a morning coffee (the Turkish breakfast of champions) randomly asked what Kate and I were doing one evening. The next thing the 3 of us plus his hilarious cousin Bayram are being treated to a night of Turkish singing, eating and drinking. We do not understand a word the band played but the skills and passion the songs were performed with was so amazing to watch. Raki - the local drink comparable to Ouzo - flowed and as standard I underestimated the power of such a strong drink not helped by my over excitement at being out. It was such a fun and funny night that lead to the drunken invite to Yusuf's beach house Saturday night to repeat the dose! Luckily there was no awkwardness the next morning and the plans were laid for what would be a fantastic night.

The local tourist sites were all hit up during our stay. The Sultanahmet and Süleymaniye mosques were breathtaking and you could feel the power of faith and belief. At the much less touristy but far more impressing Süleymaniye we were actually invited to observe prayer time which was an interesting experience. You can't help but feel a little awkward but I am glad we were invited. Upon departure an English copy of the Quran was handed to us. I'm not sure if it's something I'll read right away (as I'm still going with my Harry Potter books) but it is something I do intend to look at when the time is right. The Grand Bazaar and the Spice Market are interesting but not life changing experiences by any means. We were able to do some cheap shopping and purchase some gifts for some lucky people - which included yet another suitcase as we have purchased so much along the way - but there is nothing to write home about there.

What Turkey offers above all else is hospitality. Everyone is so very nice you are taken aback as you assume they want something from you. Once you let the guard down and start to trust you will find some of the warmest people on earth. All they want to do is share a story and a coffee or tea. Forget all misconceptions you have about this land - it is safe, it is clean and it is as welcoming as anywhere on earth. And the food.........words escape me when trying to explain the smells and the pure joy from eating the meat, dips and bread here. All my hard work losing a few kgs has gone down the drain but it is impossible to resist.

Saturday night at the beach house was one of the most enjoyable nights I can ever remember. I have already mentioned this on a social media post but Yusuf's cooking (aided or hindered by my assistance I am not sure) was to die for. Lamb legs, hearts, kidneys, livers and meatballs accompanied with salads and dips I didn't know could melt in your mouth so easily were picked at for over 4 hours as we ate and learned about each other's cultures. We touched on the big three - sex, religion and politics - but it was done with respect and honesty. Bayram has lived a life that I know a few of the boys back home would be very jealous to hear about! Again we sat up putting away shot after shot of Raki which would be regretted in the morning, but I will forever be grateful for the experience - a real tourism experience that rivals any site or monument in existence.

To Yusef, Erol and Bayram - you are three of the most sincere and generous people I have met while travelling. I cannot put into words how much Kate and I have grown to love you guys and I pray (to Allah and to God) that you make your way to Australia where you will have a second home. We also promise that at 5am every morning the last thing you will hear is 36 mosques in the surrounding area giving you the friendly but very loud Muslim wake up call :)

Tonight our Intrepid Tour starts that sees us travel this beautiful nation for 18 more days. At 6pm we head down stairs from our new hotel near the harbour area and meet the tour leader and our fellow tourists. The highlights read like a lonely planet guide of the must do things of Turkey and we are beyond excited. I again cannot promise connectivity every day of the trip, but I do promise a rather large blog / diary detailing our journey (I will most likely break it up into 2 halves this time tho). We can only hope the crew we meet are as fun and beautiful as our African family!

Until next time, Mighty out...

Blog 18 - The Garden Route

mighty10 — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 06:53:00 GMT

When I left off we were starting our 900km drive over the next 9 nights from Cape Town to Port Elizabeth making 3 stops along the way hoping to experience what the southern coastline had to offer us. What we got was the amazing contradiction that is South Africa - scenery to die for partnered with people barely living. I have avoided swearing as much as I can in these blogs and all who know me know I love to drop a bomb from time to time, but in fairness I have a good adjective that starts with F and ends in D which would accurately describe this place's current situation and future. It honestly plays with your mind and heart everywhere you go.

Our 3 stops were Mossel Bay, Plettenberg Bay and Jeffery's Bay (J-Bay). We also made two day trips to Wilderness and Storms River.

With not a great deal to report that anyone would find interesting I am just going to list a few things we found / learned along the way

HIGHLIGHTS

- I can cook meat given any obstacle, my Braai proof of that
- The surf beaches are just amazing. While everyone except for every girl I met in Europe 2009-13 knows I don't surf, watching the massive waves smash into sheer cliffs with nut cases risking their life for the perfect ride was sensational.
- Wilderness is a stunning town. If you are coming this way make sure you camp here a few nights.
- The drive is beautiful. Passing the slums is hard and deflates you but the nature side of the drive is stunning and makes it fly.
- My round of 45 (9+) was only ruined by the fact no one saw it couple with the anti "caddy" club rooms.
- A KFC at every corner made you appreciate the love the locals have for fried chicken.
- a German Shepard that was clearly taught to bark its head off at the blecks would have been hilarious if it wasn't so racist.
- Kate's hysterical question asking "what the hell did this place do before the Lion King?"
- watching live day 4 of the second Test.

LOWLIGHTS

- Our 'white water rafting' day in Storms River turned out to be more 'placid water swimming'. There was no current to speak of and the rock areas had to be walked over to gain access to the next pool. Felt a little let down there.
- J-Bay is a shit hole. There is no other way to describe it. The images beamed back during world surfing tour events do not show how crappy and disappointing the place is. As mentioned above go to Wilderness instead.
- poverty, slavery, depression and the way the blecks are spoken to and treated.
- local television.
- watching live day 4 of the second Test.

Finding ourselves with 6 hours to kill in Port Elizabeth and realising very quickly it's not a place you really want to wander the streets, we took advantage one last time of the cheap cinema prices. I have cried 3 times during films...

1) I Am Sam - impossible not to
2) Return of the Sith - the climax of the 3 Star Wars movies RUINED by George Lucas and
3) The Notebook - no explanation needed

That was until today. A Dogs Purpose. No one who reads this will watch it, and I will accept the abuse that comes with the admission. Kate was a mess from start to finish and I had to look away and think of something manly to avoid breaking down...bloody pets, I miss Bruce.

Sitting at the airport our Africa journey, much like the scenic Garden Route, winds its way to an end. What started 10 weeks ago feels like it has been a much longer expedition. I feel I have more than touched on the far ranging emotions that have struck us so powerfully in past blogs but it is worth noting again this is an experience that has changed us. I know personally I am humbler, I have a hell of a lot less to complain about, I have a new appreciation for how wasteful I have been and I most importantly have more drive to use the life I've got for something good. Never ever underestimate or undervalue how good we have it in the greatest place on earth to live. We all have a chance that is offered to so very very few on this impoverished and broken land.

We could not be more excited about the next leg of the trip! All things going to plan 6 months travelling in a huge loop through Europe. The first destination is the ancient city of Istanbul where East meets West. Turkey has been on both of our bucket-lists for a long time and it has been something we have spoken about since the day I made some guacamole-free tacos 3 years ago. The next time I check in it will be towards the end of our 12 night stay in the heart of the old city, walking distance from the Blue Mosque and a stones throw to the Grand Bazaar. I plan on living and enjoying everything the place has to offer - if that involves a morning Marlboro with my dirt coffee then I guess when in Turkey do as the Turkish do!

Thank you Africa, it's been different.

Until next time, Mighty out...

Blog 17 - On the road to Mossel Bay (Cape Town)

mighty10 — Tue, 7 Mar 2017 04:20:00 GMT

How on earth do I describe Cape Town and keep my description short enough to keep my millions of followers interested? How do I describe this place without coming across jaded and preachy? How do I do justice to a place that I really did enjoy, but left me feeling sick to my core at the same time? I will do my very best as if only for my memory this is a story that needs to be told.

Cape Town is a city of two halves. The most simplistic way to describe the two halves is to split them up - exactly like has been done here - into black and white. This blog is not about Apartheid, it is not a history lesson. It is what I saw during my trip in early March 2017. Apartheid may have ended but this city is divided into black and white, dark and light.

From the moment we arrived you are hit with these massive divides and sometimes what almost feels like ridiculous contradictions. A very organised customs has the standard 'Nothing to Declare', 'Items to Declare' and 'Firearms only' line....as you do! Picked up in an Uber from the airport, our diver nervously exceeds the speed limit on the freeway by about 25km warning us we are passing a Township (see note below) and come hell, high waters or a pedestrian we hit - we aren't stopping.

Note: Townships we have learnt are a very pretty name given to the slums in Cape Town. They are overcrowded plots of land with poorly constructed and poorly serviced corrugated iron dwellings randomly shoved together and populated with poverty, disease and crime - or the 'blecks'. The government attempts to hide the Townships behind large fences, with pretty colours or by placing them next to extremely rich (white) suburbs so the locals have a chance to find employment (maids, gardeners or security guards for the castles surrounding the slums). I'm not a sparky but I understand looking at these Townships why Cape Town has massive blackouts as it seems someone as qualified as me did the wiring.

With the fear of God put in us by old mate Uber explaining the 10 Do's and 1000 Don'ts of Cape Town we arrived in Hout Bay and our mansion for the next 8 nights, and were greeted by host Iris - a German expat living in South Africa (the perfect storm for racism). Much like Will and Carlton we were in the pool house and after the past two weeks on tour we just wanted a hot shower and a comfy bed which we smashed as soon as bags were dropped. Hout Bay is where we stayed and the only thing I can compare it to in my life is Beverly Hills. The houses oversized, extravagant and extremely well secured work their way up the rolling landscape with a township (L.A.) at the bottom. It was the perfect area to base ourselves as it gave us access to everything we wanted.

Our host was lovely and so helpful. We were set up with a hire car - an almost essential in Cape Town - and taught valuable lessons on when to fight for your right, when to back away and when to run. She was also just shockingly racist. Not on her own either. It seems that everyone in the generation 40 and above is pre-conditioned to treat the blecks like slaves. It is horribly confronting to see how they talk and react around them. Of course any restaurant, shop, salon, bar etc is staffed by the larger minority but the whites have the money so seem almost allowed to treat service employees like crap. It's so confronting because it's so open. You have no idea the smile and extra attention you get for being nice.

I feel almost guilty in saying this after my assessment so far but my goodness it was nice being back in a western country. The beauty of Cape Town is sublime. The western coast has mountains that tower to the east while the sun disappears out to South America offering 10/10 shots. The drive from the city to Hout Bay is rivalled by the Great Ocean Road for its beauty and memorable images. The Waterfront area is everything Docklands should be but isn't. People flock here in thousands with access to Robben Island (a let down of a tour for anyone interested), cheap movies (we saw both Denial and Logan and loved both), coffee and food markets that remind you of the Vic Market and restaurants and shopping found in the heart of Melbourne. We spent quite a few days being mall rats which after where we'd been was extremely enjoyable and lead to another big 'spend' as Kate treated herself to a Tanzanite ring, justifying it by the heartache suffered having her engagement ring securely locked up at home. You know the poverty and oppression is somewhere, but it is so well hidden you forget it and succumb to the creature comforts.

The hop-on-hop-off buses which operate very well in this city have a wine tour option. On the recommendation of the Big Dog and much to Kate's and a few of her friends surprise I was all for a day sampling South Africa's finest. I got drunk which I am very good at doing but for now even at the tender age of 35 I remain a staunch beer man. It was a very fun day all the same.

We spent a bit of time in Cape Town doing some forward planning and thinking. The plan after Africa was to hit South America for the next 3 months. The facts are that Africa has been way more expensive than we anticipated, there is so much more that excites us to see in Europe than South America and the budget we have set ourselves while not oppressive is restrictive. The end result is this that we have decided that when we fly out of Jo'berg on the 15th of March, it will be to take a flight direct to Istanbul and start our Europe adventure. For the hundreds excited to see Kate and my nan who can't wait to see me either, we are hoping to be home just in time for the Grand Final (cricket season).

With the trip changed and rebooked for the better, batteries recharged and a fresh outlook on the coming few months we bid farewell to Cape Town. It has been an enjoyable but conflicting few days. I want to say this is a slice of Eden in Africa and it really is, but leaving the safety of the major town you get an understanding where the majority of the 3 million residents live, and it's not pretty. The further you drive the larger and poorer the Townships become. It is so hard to get a grip of the fact there is soooooo much money in this town shared between so so few. I recommend Cape Town, but do not come here lightly and do not be fooled by the posters telling you that Apartheid ended in the early 90s - it is alive and well and it's appalling how it is what it is and no one seems to care.

The next 9 days take us along the picturesque Garden Route to some of the world's great surfing towns. If only I could surf! I am particularly looking forward to J-Bay where I will try to recreate one of the great moments in Australian history.

Until next time - Mighty Out

Blog 16 - Safari: Tanzania / Malawi / Zambia / Zimbabwe

mighty10 — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 21:18:00 GMT

On the morning of day 2 of the safari I am trying to think of the best way to articulate this part of the trip. We are in the truck for 11 hours today which will be a regular occurrence during the journey as we try to cover such a vast amount of kilometres.

This trip which started in Tanzania takes us to Malawi, Zambia and then Kate and I depart in Zimbabwe. Some days are travel days, some days will involve activities. Some days we will be contactable by wifi, some days we will be off the grid for 48-72 hours at a time.

So my plan is - on each morning after breakfast whether in the truck or relaxing with some free time to give a day by day account of what we have been up to. Before the tour we spent 2 nights in Stone Town, the old part of Zanzibar Town and out of interest the original capital city of Oman. We tracked through the cobblestone maze to our hotel which we chose as that was where the tour stared from. We then got upgraded! Had to lug our bags 20min walk down the road (and subsequently back), had a bed that broke an hour into our sleep (trust me I wish it was a better story than just my fat ass making it give way) and without fully understanding paid $50 for a small load of washing. Upgrade... On our second night while we have been very well behaved the urge to relax a bit was too great and while only a couple Kate and I enjoyed some quiet froths while watching the majestic sunset over the continent of Africa. Stone Town is a beautiful place and without doubt the safest we have felt in Africa.

Day 1 - Zanzibar to Bagamoyo

At the hotel a group of 12 travelers and a guide turned up. What we didn't realise is that we are tacking on a 48 day tour some people are doing from Nairobi to Cape Town. 3 people jumped off and Kate and I jumped on marking the next 2 weeks with the 11 tourists, our guide Mambo, our cook Mike and the driver who I'm just calling brother - not sure if that's racist but he seems cool with it. Most know I am terrible with names but we have an interesting group to say the least.

We have Winston from the Sunshine Coast who is about 74 and just adorable. Emma from Moonee Ponds and Talia from Moe-way are the youngsters of the trip. Kate and I (yes I am in Kate's age bracket) are followed by Sanna from Finland and Nathalie from Switzerland. We then have two Canadian guys Pierre in his late 40s and my Chocolate Bear Zubair in his early 20s. And then the star attractions 'Jon' and 'Cecelia' - a Korean couple who speak the funniest broken English, fuss over everything and everyone and fight like an old married couple. The group told us, and the proof is there, that they are a walking comedy act.

The group took us out to a local food joint where you had to guess what was on the menu of street food and made us feel really welcome. It's early days but it's a lovely group and it put a spring in our step. The main purpose of today was to get to our camp ground on the mainland in Bagamoyo up north along the coast. This meant a ferry across to Dar El Salaam which was extremely comfortable and much cleaner than Thai or Greek ferries which I have used in the past. After the fight to collect bags and a serious fight between bag staff we walked to our big truck which is the base of the next 14 days. While only spending 20min there, I am very glad that I have seen and know I don't want to go back ever to Dar El Salaam. Not for me that joint - crowded, messy and rough. Our two hour bus ride took us to the camp ground where I, with the help of Kate and others, set up my very first tent and then we sat down to dinner. If tonight's meal is anything to go by, Mike is the man and can cook with limited resources. Maybe it was hunger but the food was beautiful. As the new guys we were introduced to the 'family rules' and chore lists as well as how we go about things. Not that prostitutes and hardcore drugs are a huge issue for me it's always good to know where the boundaries are! Much to Kate's delight we were informed also of the 5.30am wake up to pack up camp, make lunch, eat breakfast and hit the road. Kate and I shared a less than romantic cold shower - which was refreshing due to the stifling heat - and hit our camp early for the big day tomorrow. 14 days right now feels like a long time but it's a long adventure I am excited about and I am excited about spending it with this new bunch of people from very varied facets of life.

Day 2 - Bagamoyo to Iringa

There is nothing like the sound of a 5.15am alarm. Unless you're me and already awake 25min before the alarm because you don't really need sleep, do you Michael!? I knew that putting up the tent was too easy and that the trick was coming - I wasn't to be let down either. I am very lucky I had Kate there to help me keep my cool and to honestly take charge of the situation. I showcased my talents by lifting everything onto the truck! We prepped our lunch as group, ate breakfast as a group and cleaned up as a group which was enjoyable. We then set out upon out 560km journey which in Africa comes with it a very different timeframe to the same drive back home!

There isn't much to report from this drive. The rotating seat policy in the truck had Kate and I hidden away up the front tho I don't think either of us minded. Head phones with tunes and podcasts kept us happy for a while, but 10 then 11 hours in you start to get tired and cranky.

We arrived just before dark and I was able to check the cricket scores just before they turned it off at 7. It gives me time to catch up on the world but no really reply. I was very glad to read Salami made a duck after potting my Kieran Peters memorial medal from my astronomical year in Tatyoon. Good effort by the boys in the 1s and I'm investing my money in Spazooka!

Dinner was again delicious and we then found out we had a 13 hour drive tomorrow (including what will be about 3 hours at the border which I am super excited about). Kate and I were commended for our tent abilities and I owned up that I did stuff all and Kate deserved all the credit. Off to bed for our 4.45am wake up.

Day 3 - Crossing the border into Malawi

Finding the early mornings aren't a big bother at all, in fact I sort of enjoy them. I am getting a little annoyed at the jostling for power on the bus and the freedom of sharing facts and opinions. While I know they mean well and both have a wealth of knowledge I still bear the wounds of my cross-America trip in 09. I have decided to affectionately name Pierre "Wiki" and Emma "Wiki Jr" to help me deal with their frank-like tendencies.

Just before the border about 7 hours into the drive Mambo sat us all down for a history lesson about East and South Africa. Wiki and Wiki Jr were desperate to debate and disprove every fact but it was honestly fascinating hearing this history from someone who lived it. I don't think anyone in Australia would have heard a good word about Colonel Gaddaffie and Robert Mugabe but his words has prompted me to do more research and learn the other side of the story. While admitting (especially Mugabe) they may have lost their way a bit, he was so passionate about the impact of change they brought to a proud people. Our favourite part tho was when he was talking about socialism and then communism and pointed right at the Korean couple - brilliant.

The border was typical of our African experience so far - lazy, disorganised and a lengthy process but we were much better prepared this time and accepting of the process. Pairs were given a task of learning some local words from the Malawi people so Kate and I paid a kid to teach us. We tried to coax a swear word out of him but he was too polite. After 45min my passport and visa were returned with my new name 'Talia Newton'. I tried to explain this to the customs guys who couldn't really care less so they used a pen to scratch her name out and incorrectly write mine in. I really don't think the next border will care one little bit from what I've learned so far.

The next 3 days we are camping on Lake Malawi. We received a bit of a history lesson which again told from a non-Westerner POV was fascinating to take in. Malawi is the hottest country in Africa, the poorest and has the most mozzies...but it is really really beautiful to drive through. The lake area is surrounded by sheer mountains and the water itself is an ocean blue.

Not so early a start tomorrow as we aren't leaving until 8am so bit of free time in the morning to explore the immediate area. The group is definitely more comfortable with each other now and despite some jostling at story time is for the majority fun.

Day 4 - Kande Beach

I set the alarm for 6.30am but nature's alarm clock had us wide awake before then. While not horribly hot first thing, the sun is blaring and you just know what is coming. I stuck to the promise I made to myself and went to the lake's edge for my exercises and a swim. It didn't take long for me to attract a crowd as I stood out like a log amongst a bunch of sticks :) Soon I was swimming with 'Vegemite', 'Cheap As Chips', 'Party Boy' and boring old 'Sam'. I know they were only trying to convince me to come to their shop but they were actually quite funny and really lovely to talk to. Their English was fantastic and their knowledge of Australia surprising. I was even given my own name 'Michael Jordan' despite me trying to explain that my greatest achievement was a D-grade flag with the Snowbulls. The setting for this meeting of the cultures had the back drop of the rising African sun, a location that people would pay an absolute fortune to holiday at and some of the cleanest freshest water I could have imagined.

We needed supplies and stopped at a huge supermarket next to an even bigger outdoor market that was full of people and stalls. Each person was given 2000K (roughly $3.65) and an item to purchase for upcoming dinners. Kate and I were given 3 bunches of lettuce and 20 ripe bananas. So after loading up on some western supplies like Coke, chips and chocolate at the supermarket we braved the chaos of the market. There was everything and it seemed like everyone under the sun. We avoided the 'Noke' and 'Addodas' runners and by-passed the plastic bucket of raw chicken parts that was more fly than meat roasting in the sun and found what was honestly a lovely fruit and veg hall. The people to our delight were so helpful and really friendly. We purchased 6 lettuce and 30 bananas and still took back 1400K to the guides. We were honestly quite proud of ourselves.

Mid-afternoon we arrive at Kande Beach on the shores of Lake Malawi and for the first time had 2 nights in one spot. The best way I can describe this camp site is if it were in Thailand or Bali, with the water front access and the miles of sand, water and sun you would pay $100's per night for the privilege. Kate and I decided to upgrade from our tent and paid an extra $20usd per night for a beach front chalet! It was something out of a travel catalogue and baffling that the poorest place on earth could have the richest view imaginable. With nothing planed people swam, baked and slept the day away before an early night and a comfy bed.

Day 5 - Kande Beach

Today was a day that elicited a number of really raw emotions and discussions from the group. 7 of the tour (including Kate and myself) went for a two hour guided walk through a local village. As we left the gate a very uncomfortable situation occurred where we where swamped -even stampeded - by about 20 local young men. Hands were thrown in front of you to shake and every person was separated very strategically with 3 locals to a person. Everyone received the same story - I am an artist saving to go to college - and many questions about where you are from and your family. We were each bombarded until the first part of the village where they dropped off and the guide took over showing us homes, cooking methods and water pumps. As we headed off to the second part of the village we were again joined by our new "friends." As the heat and humidity rose so did the uncomfortableness of the group as the selling of art started to invade personal space and we were warned our money was better spent on them than the local hospital or school.

As we entered the hospital our harassment stopped but our hearts would soon break. The local clinic in this village has a catchment of 18,000 people. It is staffed by one medical assistant and one midwife. They are on call 24/7, 365 days a year and have the help only of a few local volunteers. Major surgeries and emergency operations happen at the main hospital 75km away - but the ambulances don't have enough money for petrol. If you break your leg or appendix burst or need a C-section, good luck getting yourself to the hospital! The clinic handles on average:

- one birth per day as girls are sold off at 13 for marriage, most likely raped and have their first child young. 25% of babies don't make their first year.
- 100 cases of malaria per month which can be treated but not prevented because people can't afford mosquito nets
- 6 cases of AIDS and the resulting counselling (year to date)
- elderly support where the life expectancy is 50 and if you make 60 you have outstayed your welcome
- unsterile equipment including needles, bed pans and blankets which the medical assistant just shrugged with a look of defeat knowing this is all they had
- at least 50 people waiting to be seen at 10am when we were there

These numbers and facts were mind boggling, depressing and shocking all at the same time. You felt empty, helpless and wondered how you ever survived that vicious paper cut you got last week. It was simply flattening and to make matters worse the 25min walk back to base was joined again by the now even more aggressive touts. By the time we got back while not really in our nature it was a case of pushing past them all to get in the gate. They hung over the fences and peered around corners all day yelling your name telling you to come collect your painting. You do everything in spite of yourself to remain calm and pleasant and simply say no thank you.

The rest of the day was spent much the same as yesterday but much more quiet reflection as you think about how good you have it and what can you do for that poor clinic. Dinner was reserved until Mambo bought up the tour and the complaint (rightfully so) raised by John and supported by all of us. It was so conflicting wanting to feel so sorry for people who need it and feeling anger towards people who spend their life harassing people while the other villages slave over crops and illness. The conversation was healthy as I think a lot of people needed to get some feelings off their chest about their experiences and while not everyone agreed, everyone was respectful and had a stronger connection after as a result. The passion in Mambo and the realisation in the group about the struggles of Africa is why Kate and I did this trip.

Day 6 - Crossing the border into Zambia

Another day another 12 hours in the truck as we crossed the border on route to 'Croc Valley' camp for the next two nights. Fairly uneventful drive but seeing Sanna and Nathalie watch Deadpool for the first time with the full English subtitles was brilliant. It was also my first time just across the border where we used a 'walking bureau'. Zambia does not have what we know as money exchanges so basically you walk up to a guy - in our case fat-Shaft - and negotiate a rate. What he gave us was fair enough considering he could have killed me with his stare and even trusted us to bring him back change after our supermarket shop. When I asked him if he was sure he replied with "I'll be waiting here" putting the fear of God inside me and a little bit of wee inside my jocks.

On our arrival to camp we had a safety talk. Blah blah blah don't go out at night, don't swim in the river etc...incorrect. This was a genuine safety talk! We were sharing our camp with hippos, elephants, crocodiles, snakes, monkeys and while less likely but still a possibility lions. We were given instructions on how to conduct ourselves and what to do if confronted by one at night - which differed for every animal. The group very quickly realised this was serious and quite a few jumped at the opportunity of an accommodation upgrade, but not my 'Jane'. With shoulders back and grit in her teeth we were setting up the tent.

I have never been happier to be woken up at 2.30am. At 12am with headlight on I headed to the toilet and jumped at the sight of 6 sets of menacing Impala eyes staring back at me. Bravely I got back to sleep to be woken again by the sound of munching. Odd sound to be woken by but when I got my bearings Kate and I sat protected by a sheet of tarp and a fly screen 3 meters away from a grazing hippo! The pictures we took on our phones are terrible. The memories stored in our heads will stay with us forever.

Day 7 - 2 x Safari Tours at South Luangwa National Park

The camp site at the breakfast table was a buzz with animal encounters and near death experiences. We had 2 game drives today - one 6am to 10am and then another 4pm to 8pm. The second drive came with a fee but us nature experts knew that was the one to be on.

The morning drive was good without being spectacular. The excitement of the morning wore off and due to the long stretches of nothingness and some over tiredness Kate and I both knew we needed a nap. Some good pictures were taken but honestly I was happy to be home, smash down a feed and get to bed for a couple of hours. It was exactly what we both needed tho as we woke up refreshed and feeling good. I was even pointed to a gym that had a lot of the kennel qualities of my main man's Invigorate gym and I took great pleasure in getting a sweat on then joining the cool kids for a swim feeling like 'Buff the Stuff'.

Just as we got out to get showered we were informed of some of the funniest news ever. Despite all warnings and always knowing better, our Asian (Korean) friends set up a mini picnic on a table and for some reason took all their medications with them. Sure enough after turning their back for 2min, a monkey had worked its way in and was tucking into malaria tablets. We all thought the story accompanied by their reactions was hysterical. A baboon got into our truck looking for food and luckily didn't find our Africa version of Kingstons hidden away. It did however leave its mark on the windscreen on the truck, cracking it in an attempt to break out. When I asked the driver (who I've since picked up his name is Dan) they would have to do he replied TIA (This Is Africa) and that we would drive on with not a worry in the world...

From the get go we knew we were on a winner with the second game drive greeted by 3 stunning giraffes before we officially entered the park. Herds of elephants, hippos, Impala and zebra in numbers I'd never imagined seeing. We apparently were very lucky to see very rare wild dogs in the morning, but to see a lone cheater walk across an open field meters away from us finally left everyone speechless. I could not have been happier with what I was able to see and the cheesy grin on my face was a testament to this. Just as we stopped for our halfway snack, admiring the lightning in the distance was lighting up the dusk sky a thunder bolt of lightning very very frightening me crashed next to us and the rains erupted. Our canopy and company issued ponchos were as useless as a spoon in a gun fight and we were soaked in a matter of minutes. Wiki Jr had her phone ruined by the rain but it's ok cause she already knows everything. We called a stop to the tour with the information the animals would be all hiding as much as we wanted to but returned very satisfied and so so happy with what we had just seen.

Talia's 22nd birthday and accompanying cake was a lovely way to end the evening. Our tent leaking due to the constant rain was the worst way possible to be woken up. It was a slow dripping torture that seemed to make the mattress puddle creep closer and closer to my head. Just as we were about to give up the rain eased and a tent readjustment allowed us to get the standard 3-4 hours before hitting the road again.

Day 8 - Drive To Petauke

We arrived at the supermarket needing to buy supplies for today and tomorrow as our future holds a very isolated drive to the Zimbabwean border. The truck seemed to stop just in time as well thanks to the question posed by Mambo "why is Africa poor?". Were there some opinions or what!!! I kept my mouth shut until safely off the bus by expressing an opinion that Kate shares and it is in all honesty this place is just so far away no one really cares! It was nice that someone here cared enough to to give us a wolf-whistle and tell us we are a good looking couple - thanks brother we needed that :)

Arriving at our destination 5 of us decided to jump into a taxi and head to the main town about 4km away. After they tried to load us into a small car that already had two people in it four of us crammed into the back seat of an equally small car with the big man in the front keeping a close eye on the shattered windshield held together by chewing gum. The police stopped us and we all thought here we go how much is this going to cost us. Considering ourselves particularly stiff when you factor in there are probably to police cars for the whole countryside our calm and cool driver got out and with a 'handshake' we were on our way. In search of some beers we soon gave up not finding anything suitable and copping the classic Mizungu welcome to a town that doesn't see many white people. We settled for some local beers at the campsite bar and the price tag of 12K ($1.60) made the Mosi taste all the better accompanied by a funny game of Heads Up.

Day 9 - Drive to Lusaka

The next couple of days see us back in the truck for lengthy periods of time as we track our way to the Zimbabwean border and capital city of Harare. Lusaka is the capital city of Zambia for those that don't know because I sure as hell didn't!

We stopped at a local town where the border of Mozambique meets Zambia and enjoyed the sights (rubbish), sounds (local touts) and smells (horrible) of the small market strip. It's been a while since I lost the traveller hat I stole off the Big Dog in 2013 so treated myself to a new one. We used our stop in Lusaka to book some accommodation for Cape Town - it's been a while since I have used an Internet Cafe and they are as bad as I remember them. We have booked some millionaires pool house for $46 per night over 8 nights. I feel like Will and Carlton. Feeling a bit homesick and detached from friends and home life we jumped at a chance to sit at what looked like and was a really nice cafe. Milkshakes, iced coffees and cakes gave us a little boost and a reminder of Melbourne life. The guy who sparked up a dart (the cafe was indoors) reminded us we were far away from Melbourne!

An uneventful day and a quiet night with 12 hours in the truck tomorrow.

Day 10 - Crossing the border into Zimbabwe

Cleaning your teeth at sunrise with 3 zebra eating their breakfast 5 metres away from you is one of the best ways ever to cope with your 9th pre-5.30am alarm in a row. This was however about as good as the day got with very little to report. It took us 12 hours with a couple of mini stops and an uneventful border crossing to reach the camp site just on the outskirts of Harare.

We drove about 400km thought the Zimbabwean countryside and right through the city throughout the day. I have mentioned early Mambo giving us his "3 sides of the coin" version of African history and early in the trip his discussion regarding his beloved Robert Mugabe aka Uncle Bob. Much more detail was given today and it was honestly a truly fascinating story. In the western world we know the horrible way he went about things in the late 90s and through the 2000s. What we don't know is of a people who called him King for the advances in technology, infrastructure and the standard of living he brought to a nation before greed and power infected him like a cancer as it does so many of histories polarising brilliant leaders. The country of Zimbabwe is this exact contrast.

Crops are organised and rich with modern farming techniques. Houses seem to be built with a purpose and town planning in mind. The city is a buzz with neon billboards, properly wired power lines, traffic lights, museums and restaurants. BMW's roam the streets safely in an organised structure with the other cars. You find yourself asking where is the poverty and crime and sex slavery you read about. The reason you don't see it is because like all clever cities around the world this part is hidden from public view. The 'benefits' of being on a budget tour is you aren't staying in the middle of the city each night. We drove through a slum on the south eastern side of the city. The difference 5km made was mind blowing. I thought about it all night and cannot put in words the horrible conditions the other half live in here - the even more alarming problem is that it isn't 'half' but closer to 85-90% living below the poverty line. It was one of the saddest things Kate and I have ever seen - what seems like hundreds of thousands of people dumped in a ghetto smaller than a suburb left to fend in a place where a prostitute is cheaper than half a loaf of bread. Then 5km down the road again, the ghetto is a million miles away as the country again sprawls open into vibrant western-like nation. We have the next 6 days here and will be seeing world heritage sites and natural wonders of the world...the image of that ghetto will live with me forever.

Day 11 - Harare to Masvingo

This mornings breakfast partners were chickens. There is something very unsettling about watching people feed chickens scrambled eggs and the chickens in turn lapping it up like I would a pork belly and crackling.

Our drives are now becoming shorter and less frequent as amazingly to us we enter the last few days of our trip. A five hour drive highlighted by the obsession of some of the truck members to smash some dirty bird and the brilliant find by Kate of a $10usd bottle of Smirdoff! Kate and I also purchased 2 pillows for $6usd each which would prove to be one of the best investments we have ever made. After a relatively short 5 hour drive we arrived at camp. Once set up and fed we prepared for our day's activity.

Great Zimbabwe is a world heritage site and with good reason. It is acknowledged as the 2nd oldest man made structure in Africa behind the pyramids, and the 4th oldest in the world. It is truly humbling when you visit a site like this. The granite built maze of rooms with towering walls, some built on the top of an impossible tall hill makes your brain hurt as you try to come to grips with the fact this is over 1400 years old. It is a true testament to ancient techniques and skills. The structure on the top of the hill was where the 8 ancient kings of Great Zimbabwe ruled from. Each king was adored by 200 wives and one queen. The queen lived in the monstrous structure below. If the king wanted to see her he had to make his way down to her. History reports tho the King didn't do that very often, as from his palace above the village he would every day have his oriole echo out to the people below. A new wife would make the quite difficult trek up and spend the night. After boredom set in for the King he would send her packing and get the next wife sent on up! It is reported that kings man have upwards of 1000 children. This may put some validity to the claim that Uncle Bob is of Royal decent and therefore justified in his maniacal grip on this perplexing nation. It was so nice to stretch and use the muscles as we walked in some difficult terrain for around 3 hours. Of course the Koreans hated every second of it and bless him old Winston straggled behind but the rest of us had a lot of fun and evened out the seriousness of what we were doing with a few laughs.

Back at camp Mike the cook prepared pork for dinner. He failed to tell Mambo, Dan and fellow traveller Zubair that he had made pork - all three are Muslims! The discarding of their meals tho meant I was able with Kate to feed this poor stray dog who we named Africa Bruce. The poor thing was terrified of males no doubt due to beatings and reaffirmed my philosophy of giving homeless dogs a second chance. We had quite unbelievable our first fire of this trip considering who I am married to and most of us sat around having a few drinks, many laughs and some great stories shared by Mambo of 'when westerners stuff up on tour'.

Day 12 - Masvingo to Bulawayo

"Would you like to stop at the souvenir shop?" is like fingers on the chalkboard to me. Unfortunately I am a lone-ranger when it comes to this view normally but Pierre shares my disdain for useless crap. So while Kate and the others browsed Pierre and I read the local rag. The best way to describe the articles we read was like reading the screenplay for an episode of Housos. Of the hundreds to chose from, the below quote sums up what we were reading...

"If she doesn't back off, my okapi will dance a gwara-gwara inside her privates" #brilliant

We arrived at camp before lunch and were able to set up knowing we had the next 2 nights here. Kate and I desperately handed over some washing to the local shop and got ready for a trip into town. Bulawayo is the second biggest city in Zimbabwe and much like Harare dresses as a successful, well managed and relatively wealthy city. Again craving some 'home life' we found a local cafe where I was greeted by "I nearly had a heart attack you look like my boss!". Now it's just racist to say all white people look the same but when a 6'2" big man with arms and guts pumped out, and mangy unkept beard and hair in a bun I sort of saw the resemblance. His name was Kimba and he was an ex-pat from Dandenong! We had a great chat over coffee and cake and were invited to dinner but it is hard with our current arrangements to take him up on his offer.

That night after dinner the group staying onto Cape Town got some sad news as the whole crew - Mambo, Dan and Mike - will be leaving them the same time we do at Vic Falls. Obviously a huge blow for the guys, who also learned about the introduction of 13 new campers, must be annoying. So Kate and I cheered up those who wanted to be the only way we know how - we got everyone super drunk, watched vulgar YouTube clips and told even more tasteless jokes. We weren't up until 7am the next day so we drank and talked until the ridiculous time of 11pm.

Day 13 - Matobo National Park

The night before we met Ian. Ian is Zimbabwe's answer to Steve Irwin. He wears the tan shorts and shirt, is 6'4" and his skin is as aged and brown as the old lady from "There's something about Mary". The man can't go 10min without a dart and talked to us with a beer in hand. Ian was at the camp to sell us his safari trip tomorrow to see the Matobo National Park and meet the resident endangered white rhinos. Kate and I had been for the idea but against the heavy price tag. But a phenomenal and passionate sales pitch and a generous donation from a very great person meant we were on our way the next morning. It was a move we would not and will never regret.

Today was my favourite day of our trip so far, the most relaxed I have ever felt in 20 years (apart from when I finished my speech at my wedding) and a day that emotionally drained and enthralled me more than any I remember.

Within an hour into the trip, we were standing less than 3 metres away from a family of 5 white rhinos. No pictures could capture the adrenaline, amazement and awe we experienced and Ian was particular chuffed with himself having shown us his 'babies'. Our high was short lived however as we were about to get some hard facts about why rhinos are an extremely endangered species.

The plight of the rhino is horrific and it's so sad that we Westerners got so upset about Cecil the lion, who it turns out, was on deaths door and shot legally for $50,000 (the money given to conservation) yet no one blinks when the Rhinos are butchered for their horns and left to die because a race of ignorant men with small dicks want to crush and use the horn as a growth stimulant. Scientifically proven to be as effective as eating your own toe nails, this horrific practice is all in the name of a dated and useless tradition. I can't remember being more angry or frustrated at the billions of dollars paid to destroy an entire species when there is (according to Ian) a viable and humane solution to supply the demand by trimming the rhinos horns every 5-10 years and help the animals survive. This would also fund the struggling conservation parks and provide much needed assistance to the native African communities in Rhino areas, who are currently enticed to help the poachers to mame and kill the Rhinos instead - a risky activity that sees many die due to the Rangers authority to "shoot to kill" any suspected poachers. This solution is vetoed time and time again by the western world and we were embarrassed to learn that one of the objectors is Australia.

We also got a lesson in the Pygmys (or Bushman people) who still live in some remote parts of Africa today. Ian's passion was entrancing as he told us stories backed by cave paintings, scientists, historians and his own experiences working with Bushman people for the past 35 years. As a human race we are destroying this earth, the creatures put on it, the original inhabitants that outdate even Aboriginals in Australia, and we continue to do nothing but make it worse. The earth will go on for a long time after the cancer that consumes it is gone and days like today make me rethink what I want to do with my life and that maybe we deserve what is coming.

Before our day finished, we got to visit the gravesite of Cecil Rhodes and learn some more Zimbabwean history from a 'white mans' perspective. What a contrast!! After a lengthy day of debating indigenous cultures, apartheid, and conservation, there has never been a more appropriate time to reflect on the saying 'it's better to stay silent and have people think you're in idiot than to speak and prove them wrong.'

Once in your life, and within the next 2 years because at current poaching rates that's how long the rhinos have got, I urge people to visit this park. The majesty of the rhinos and the surreal beauty of an ancient landscape, rolling volcanic hills and powerful waterfalls is along with the 12 (9) apostles the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It will question and change your life and I cannot stress that more. I would love to paint the picture and go through all we saw but I do not have the verbatim and it would be unfair to try. This is one of the most amazing places on earth. I will never forget what I saw and felt today.

An emotional roller coaster. We were stuffed and despite the pouring rain after dinner slept like the dogs after 3 days down the beach.

Day 14 - Bulawayo to Victoria Falls

For all the nice things I said about Zimbabwe yesterday, today it was shattered by the ugly side. On no less than 5 occasions we were stopped by the road police and the guys fined every single time. Bribes were exchanged and arguments were had but each time a new crazy law was invented. It's such a shame as the country needs tourism but treats its tourists like garbage. We consider ourselves lucky to have been on the bus rather than in a car on our own or these fines would have been coming from our pockets.

Victoria Falls - the smoke that thunders - truly deserves its ranking in the 7 natural wonders of the world. It was honestly breathtaking and mesmerising as you watching billions of litres of waters crash to the ground below. If you ever do go please remember to hire a rain coat. The "she'll be right" mentality of this idiot meant a very cold, wet and uncomfortable walk home. Especially uncomfortable having to buy supplies for tonight's main event and booking our river cruise with the group tomorrow night while leaving a trail of water behind myself everywhere I went.

Our last dinner as a family - and we have become a family of sorts - started with the heartfelt thanks. Dan and Mike went first, both giving loving kind words and encouraging us to spread the word of Africa and informing us that white people don't wash their hands enough. I was then asked to speak on behalf of the group which was a bit of an unexpected honour but nailed it as usual. Kate encouraged Wiki Jr to speak and Emma spoke beautifully but no where near as well as me ;-) It was now Mambo's turn who as he had for the past 14 days had everyone hanging off his every word. He spoke with passion and real feelings as he wished everyone well on their futures travels, and presented each of us with a souvenir bird to keep us safe. Very clear instructions of not breaking the bird were given to us - within 10min 6 of us including Kate and myself had committed this crime dooming the rest of our trip!!!

With all the emotional stuff out of the way it was time to do what I do best - be a menace and get drunk. The whole crew minus John, Cecelia and Winston hit the town in the best gears our backpack had to offer and did we hit the town! Highlights of the night I remember and reminded to me are:

- Chocolate Bear (Zubair) disappearing into the toilet with a lady of questionable sexual origins (there is no real doubt but for people's sanity we will call it an "easy mistake")
- Myself and Thalia threatening to get a tattoo as revenge for her boyfriend piercing his nose with a fish hook back in Aus - what a man!
- Sanna 'coming out of the closet' while extremely pissed and attacking my wife's and a few local's necks
- Nathalie getting a bit of the fever with a local lad
- Emma's extremely quick learning abilities when being taught how to twerk (if you haven't seen a black woman twerk do yourself a favour)
- Kate and I somehow escaping a night that required her constant attention to get me home with a tab of only $23usd
- classic mighty falling into a ditch at the campsite, not being able to work out how to get out, giving up and laying there like a turtle on his back for 15min

GREAT night

Day 15 - Vic Falls (end of tour)

Today I did something I have never ever done in my life. After getting home somehow at 2am the night before Kate and I woke at 9.30am. Realising we have missed our last organised meal on the trip we thought let's have a small nap and get lunch a bit later...next thing I know Kate is yelling at me to wake up at 3.30pm as our boat cruise leaves in 30min! There is nothing in the world like being 25 again and at 4pm having your first drink of any sort of liquid and that liquid being a Rum and Coke!

While others who joined us had been awake a bit longer than us, it didn't take long for the alcohol to re-kick in, the war stories from last night to flow and our obnoxiousness on a boat full of 80yo bird watchers to kick in. At one point Pierre was asked if he was from America...this did not sit well with the big fella who unloaded about using his brain rather than a gun and a whole heap of anti-American sentiment. Once he had finished he politely asked the couple where they resided - "Washington". I can't remember a time this trip where I or the group laughed harder. The cruise was fun and we carried on like we were the only people in the world. Kate was looking to drink but sadly appears to have developed an allergy to vodka adding to her claim as world's worst drinker. I really had a fun night and it was good to just relax and be able to be yourself with people from all different backgrounds and walks of life. Chocolate Bear, Mambo and I kept the party going after dinner and I think the bar tender hearing the rot spilling from our mouths made the right call to a close. His decision justified as I again fell in the ditch which hurt all the more as I was trying so hard this time not to repeat my mistake.

Day 16 - Vic Falls

A complete rest day and one of many that at the moment feel very required. Achieved nothing other than a nap around the pool and watching monkeys ravage the bins in the camp site looking for a meal. We had always planned to do nothing on this day and after the last two nights we couldn't have managed much more. There were good intentions of going back to the falls but there was enough water in the pool to keep me satisfied.

Day 17 - Vic Falls to Cape Town

After emotional but quick goodbyes to save off any embarrassment we headed with Sanna and Emma to the airport. It was only fitting at check-in to see 'Washington' - how I wished I had roaming wifi or wouldn't get arrested for taking pictures in customs areas.

This is where I will leave this blog. It is long enough and South Africa will deserve its own fresh start. If i said it to you individually I meant it - the people that made this trip what it was I will never ever forget you and can't thank you enough for making our experience better.

Until next time, Mighty out

Blog 15 - Paje (Tanzania)

mighty10 — Tue, 7 Feb 2017 23:39:00 GMT

When I last left off I placed in here a pretty honest and blunt blog about how things have been going so far. The facts are it was how I felt and I wanted to make this blog as true to my experience as I could. I did however scare and convince some people close to us that we weren't safe and I want to assure people that while I would not recommend running down the street openly counting US dollars, if you are smart and follow the rules like we have been we are as safe as humanly possible. I have even taken to going for walks along the streets with the comfort of an iPod so I only have to see the suspicious stares, not listen to them trying to sell me a taxi or a safari!

I would like to thank a special friend Bradford who wrote me some very kind emails after my last blog. I have always had an open ear for his words of wisdom and this time was no different. My very good friend DJ also gave me a bit of a perk up, which is amazing considering what we as friends are going through with the closing down of Sarah Sans...if that joint's walls could talk.... And last of all Nan I know you were worried the most but I promise your mate upstairs is listening.

Sooooooo...having dealt with the pain of handing over a months salary for a 2 day 1 night tour we were greeted by our lovely guide Emmanual and piled on to our monstrous Land Cruiser which we had all to ourselves. Our first day was at Tarangeire National Park. Upon entry to the park old mate who worked their sprayed the car with a pesticide. I asked him what it was for and he replied with a "tsss tsss" sound. What I didn't realise was what he actually said was "tsetse" fly who pack a way worse bite than our March-flies. They are also attracted to black clothing. Kate and I didn't read that memo and paid a handsome price for that stuff up. The park was amazing as a first timer but not the spectacular animal feast I have been hoping for. The park has a lack of predators so the ground animals are quite fat and lazy. Giraffes are stunning up close, monkeys and baboons much like in the zoo have full blown orgies without a care given and zebras are such a graceful creature. We spotted a lion who couldn't give a stuff we were there during her nap time but of the big 5 that was it. On our way to that night's accommodation in Karatu - Sinners you'd be very impressed - we'd sprung a flat which was of course changed by the driver but I helped!!! Our bed and dinner was underwhelming at best for what we had paid but the constant bouncing in the vehicle and the up-down excitement of seeing things you'd never imagined to be that impressive gets you ready to crash anywhere.

Crack of dawn the next day for what has been called the 8th wonder of the world (one before Chyna) Ngorongoro Crater. I had a feeling this was going to be a highlight of the trip and it didn't disappoint. There is no way that pictures or my lack of a thesaurus could ever in here do justice to the pure beauty we saw. I mentioned last blog that God may have left Africa a while ago but what He left here is mind blowing. 4 of the big 5 were within touching distance during the day. A lion had a nap under our car. An elephant video was ruined by my David Attenborough-like commentary on the size of its penis - in my defence though the thing was HUGE. Hippos lounged about in their poo filled swamps and looked anything but the human killers that Nat Geo reports on. Buffalo stare you down with horns that could tear you in half. You are then reminded you are not in a zoo. Bones of wilderbeast and Impala cover the grasslands evidence of last nights kill. A pair of jackals are counter attacked by 2 large bulls as they try to snatch a calf from the mother during labour. The calfs lucky enough to not have this torment are given an hour to get up and get moving because if they don't their first night will be their last. And of course the shocking reality of Asians on tour taking a selfie while a once in a lifetime opportunity walks past you - bless them and their tourist ways...

I again cannot express in words how amazing these two days were. I wish we could have tipped and thanked our driver more for an experience that will live with me until I die.

Back to the harsh reality of Arusha for a night and our first walk to the bank. It took the locals 20sec to sniff out the 'fish' and we did our best to look confident while withdrawing and carrying around about $600. Like most things though your fears are worse than reality and no one has been mugged yet! A classic ride to the small Arusha airport in the taxi saw the driver try to rip us off about $30usd ended with us short changing him about $2usd - a small victory but a victory none the less. If we thought the airport was small Kate was even more delighted to see the size of our 14 seater plane that was to take us the 2 hours to Zanzibar. It was almost just as I commented how much easier it was flying domestically this way that on our first attempt to take off no more than 5 meters into the air the plane crashed back down to earth as something was wrong. I actually found it quite funny but I know I was alone there. An hour or so while the mechanics did their work and we took off on take two with no dramas. A bumpy ride was had by all allegedly but I wouldn't know as I slept the whole time. Kate was very happy to be on solid ground.

Our driver to the final destination was hysterical. Pulled over at police checks for clearly speeding he shook hands with the police, gave one a ride to the next check point and clearly was a man who knew who he needed to know. He asked us if there were any aboriginals left in Australia after learning about them in school! We were almost shocked at the randomness of the question but explained that the government is at least trying these days to look after the natives a bit better. I still am shocked that at a Tanzanian primary school the plight of aboriginals in the 50s and 60s was discussed.

That brings us to now - Paje which is on the east coast of the island town of Zanzibar, Tanzania. It is stunning here it really is. The sand is pure white and stretches in both directions as far as the eye can see. It is a Mecca for kite surfing and the enthusiasts light up the sky with an array of fluorescent colours. We started here with the intention of 2 nights in some affordable accommodation, we have extended our stay an extra 3 nights (tonight being the last of those three) and upgraded to an ocean view villa with all the mod-cons available in the 3rd world. We have decided that this is our break before heading to Stone Town (also in Zanzibar but on the west coast) for a couple of nights to be ready for our 14 day guided tour which we are both super excited about.

We might be a bit hard to catch for the next two and a bit weeks. My intention is to take as many notes as possible and blog once the tour is done. While we may not be online every day we will from time to time and check in with the people who still care we are gone. For now I have 3 more hours to work on this bronzed piece of art I call a body so better get back into the pool while gazing out into the endless Indian Ocean.

Until next time, Mighty out...

Blog 14 - Kenya / Tanzania

mighty10 — Wed, 1 Feb 2017 14:48:00 GMT

Africa....

Africa...

I have been meaning to write this blog for the past few days but honestly have been trying to come to terms with what I want to write and how I want to write it. I have been avoiding it because honestly it is simply to hard to put down on the iPad my thoughts feelings and emotions so far and that's when the simplicity of the word I was looking for hit me - hard. Very very hard.

I want to be fair. Kate and I have only had a very small sample to work with as this is only our 6th day. While we brought apparently the first rains to Kenya since June 2016, to date there hasn't been much else joy we have been a party too.

First off hard is the realisation that despite what you may think, Kenya and Tanzania are not cheap. In fact they are quite expensive. You will read about the mutatus and the tuk tuks in traveler books, but you need a taxi to get to them, you need a taxi from where they will indiscriminately drop you off and they are not for people with backpacks or who want to live. You are white (well, 98% of people I know are white sorry Dirty) so you are assumed to be American - with American dollars - and you are gouged for every cent you have. Food is just but received with an American bill. Beer is cheap but we have sworn it off for the 10 weeks we are here. And then there are the tour costs which I will get too.

Hard is making the macho mistake of day 1 assuming that "we'll be fine to wash our teeth using the tap water" and getting that oh so very wrong. After night 1 in Nairobi we were off to Lake Naivasha to explore the hippo reserve and Hell's Gate national park. Justice for my bravery was swift with myself bed-ridden for 24 hours and Kate copping it much worse and not keeping a thing down for 48. On the lighter side the ride from Nairobi to Naivasha - which we got an Uber to, people use Uber in Kenya! - was when we both started getting sick. I needed a plug at both ends for the 2 hour drive which became a 2hr and 30min drive due to a road being closed just because, and Kate needed to vomit - it was truly a race to see who would break first. Luckily for me it was Kate who grabbed a left over plastic bag from her backpack and to her brief relief omitted the contents of breakfast. Unfortunately said bag had a number of holes. If I wasn't about to die I'd have found it hilarious. I was repaid for being mean by needing to use the bathroom at checkin next to a full contingent of staff. Welcome.

Hard is booking the tours. You have the dream of seeing the wide open landscapes and the big 5 animals. So you hit up the tour desk with full of ideas and enthusiasm. You leave as flat as a shit-caters hat when you see the prices and receive advice worse than the advice than xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. You are left with no idea when your bus leaves or what you will even get for your obscene amount of money. There is hidden fee after hidden fee and you can't argue or barter because you have no other option. It's amazing how isolated you feel without proper access to wifi and a very clever system that makes you book direct from tour desks. Hard is also doing a tour to Hell's Gate which we got some amazing pictures from, but was just a less than fun experience because poor Kate was still so unwell. I couldn't have been prouder than how much she fought on that day as we did a one hour trek through the gorge which would have been hard if we both felt well. As I write this we are in our hotel room in Arusha feeling pretty down as we have booked a two day tour starting tomorrow which takes us to (we hope) what is an amazing place but cost more for one night than an all expenses paid 2 weeks in Bali would cost. You so desperately want to do these things but when you are travelling for 12 months, not visiting for 4 weeks it's so hard to watch your money disappear.

Hard is catching a bus across borders. I have only ever flown across borders and driven twice (England - Scotland and America - Canada) which doesn't really count. Your bus leaves at 7.30 or 8 - you don't actually know. A 90min taxi travels 15kms because traffic conditions are the worst - never complain about what we have back home! You arrive and the bus is over sold. You are chased from Kenyan soil to Tanzanian soil because the exchange officer got her calculations wrong and wants you to come back, even tho it is legally impossible. You think you have paid for your visa in Kenya but oh no here's another $100USD that no one thought to tell you about despite your asking. You watch as the driver pays off one police officer with a laugh, get fined for speeding (there isn't even traffic lights let alone speed cameras) at the next police stop and the hand over a very suspect package for cash 10min down the road.

Hard is reading the Lonely Planet guide and as a result feeling a prisoner in your own cell. Every country guide starts with "a vibrant progressive nation" yet the next page warns you to not go outside and don't talk to anyone. You are as a result so conscious of your surroundings that your brain plays tricks on you. You don't understand the taxi fees as they are desperate to rip you off so you stay at your accommodation. Not every day can be a travel day as discussed so sometimes you just need a quiet one. But being scared to and for good reason not being able to go for something as simple as a walk is a rude culture shock.

Hard is sounding like and feeling like a privileged westerner who feels nothing is good enough for him. You feel so terrible feeling sorry for yourself when you look around you and see the appalling poverty and conditions people live in. Driving through the Tanzanian countryside you can't help being amazed at the opportunity you have, then stopping at the car check point 5min later and being viciously verbally attacked by a 6yo girl on her way home from primary school. Kenya is so deep in their belief in Jesus when it is obvious God left that place a long time ago. Its is so sad the tonnes of pollution and and rubbish dumped by a people who no longer care and left by a government who seems to care less. You are treated like you are the bad guy - even if we probably are its still hard to know that's what people think of you. The emotions and feelings you get from these places hopefully build character without breaking it, but also make you miss home. I feel weak that I am not strong enough for a place like this, and questioning am I really that soft. You feel bad for yourself for having a better life. Hard is your heart breaking for the plight of nations that just survive.

While I admit there is a negative tone to this blog the facts are that our early experience has been one of such emotion that it's hard to write this any other way. Using my poor English the other day I told Kate "whatever may come will be" and this is the motto we are taking forward for the next two week. The payment for the Ngorongoro Crater is now in the past, and I am so excited to wrestle a buffalo and pat a lion. We are camping somewhere that has been called the 8th wonder of the world which is one better than Chyna! We are then down to Zanzibar which is very exciting to me (beaches) and following that our two week safari begins. I am excited and we are going to try. There is no denying the past few days have been hard, but this is why we came - we wanted to learn about the world. We are learning, I'm just have many learning disabilities :) might be a few days before we hit some wifi again.

Until next time, Mighty out.

Blog 13 - Leaving the 1st world

mighty10 — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 05:41:00 GMT

Sitting at everyone's favourite sandwich shop Pret in the beautiful and multi-cultural Terminal 4 at Heathrow with about 2.5 hours until we board our plane to Nairobi. Along with many many things we are unsure about leading into this next leg of the journey is the access to wifi in the mother-Africa so I figured best I post something for the fans and those forced to read this dribble.

Since I left you all we were in Portsmouth, which to both of our interest we found out was the launch spot for the D-Day attack on occupied France. I did promise myself and others that I too would launch myself into the English Channel for a winters swim but my bravery unsurprisingly deserted me at the 11th hour. For those that have seen on social media a day trip from Portsmouth also led me to an most embarrassing moment. Despite a lack of enthusiasm but with full encouragement Kate indulged me with a day trip to Stonehenge. An hours drive and £40 quid for tickets couldn't prepare me for one of the most disappointing things I have ever seem. Expecting to see the Maoi, I saw some rocks on a hill from a distance where it would have just been as spectacular if we drove up and looked at it from the road. It was only when I asked Kate where 'Stonehenge' was did I realise that I was about 8,392 miles away from where I thought I was going. Tail between my legs we headed home but to lift my spirits my wife knew Italian food would be required to heal this wound. Maddie now has some extra tour planning to do for our South America trip.

For the last part of the U.K. stop we headed up to Heathrow to drop the car off (full map of road trip in the link below) and picked a tired and little bit sick Amy up from the airport. Our last residence would be a perfect (if not a tiny bit under stocked) Airbnb in 'Elephant and Castle' which for tourism purposes is about as good as London gets. A pretty quiet night of Netflix and tacos ensured, all 3 of us having a well earned rest. This would be the last night of rest as the next 5 days were actioned packed. I would be able to go on forever but I figure the best way to remember this was as follows:

- Friday: the girls and I met up with Jack and did what we do best. We could have just as easily been back at Rimcross drive with a fire and heads-up in the back yard. We worked our way down the totem pole of bars until we hit the Sans of London (better known as rock bottom) and because we couldn't possibly have been full, hit up a 24 hour off-licence before a toilet accident had me standing on my phone cracking the screen and being put to bed. I may or may not have missed the bowl with my toilet paper, but the girls and Jack were easily convinced that it must of been him.
- Saturday: as can be imagined nothing was achieved here.
- Sunday: again a fairly relaxed day. Sun was out so I set off on a 2 hour round trip walk to Jubilee Gardens and for the first time enjoyed a beautiful spot in London on a stunning albeit cold day. That night we caught Jenn and Tom again for dinner and drinks. They are planning a trip to Australia soon so of course we lied to Tom (a big burly red-headed Pom) about drop-bears, snakes, spiders, the locals and how to order a pot. Great people those two and I hope life has us coming across them again.
- Monday: took me to food heaven at the Borough Market. I'm angry at everyone I know that this is the first I'd heard of it. It's like the Queen Vic Market with out the shitty merchandise and double the food stands. I would be extremely broke however if I knew about it earlier or lived near by. Cannot not tell people with any more conviction you need to eat here. Gastronomic orgasm. That night Kate and I saw our first ever West End play and what a ripper. I know not everyone has seen Book Of Mormon, and friends seeing it soon. Most of you will know my and Kate's rude, crude sometimes foul sense of humour - this play, especially act two was us.
- Tuesday: I couldn't resist another walk up to the market before a night of goodbyes. We have been so lucky to have friends meet us along the way and Amy is no different. I hope she has a ball the rest of her trip and we will see you soon in AB my dear. We cannot thank and have been made to feel more welcome than by the Sterland's. Lee and Jane are our new England mum and dad. Georgia is kind, smart and beautiful. Jack - for a bloke I was never going to speak to, you are my brother and I can't wait for the summer to do it all again. A flat and drunk train ride hit home how much I will miss these people.
- Wednesday: with our travel smarts growing, our back packs much lighter and Kate wearing her sneans and traveller shoes at the ready we left the comfort of our place for the great unknown in Kenya. We paid a visit to Churchill's bunker which was truly amazing and very enlightening about what seems to be a great English patriot. A tube down to Heathrow puts us back at the start of the blog.

We are nervous, we are excited. We are heading somewhere that is so out of this world for us. I know we are not the first two white people to travel to Africa, but this was the point of the trip. I hate cliches but I feel honestly this will change our lives. We will write and be in touch when we can, but we will also have our phones down and our eyes open as this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

So to the land of teenage pregnancy, the land of vaping, the land of under priced beer and over priced food, the land of grey, the land of some of the best people I have ever met and am lucky enough to call friends, the land of unexplained traffic jams, the land of the world's best public transport, the land of early winter nights and cosy sleep ins, the land of bible bashing hostels, the land of the bap, the land of beauty, the home to one of the best capital cities in the world, the land of Harry Potter and the land of Brexit - Kate and I salute and love you and will see you again real soon if a Hippo doesn't eat us. Kate and I are going to use the next 10 weeks to lose all the fat you made us put on.

Until next time - Mighty out (hooroo)

https://TrackMyTour.com/L4vXN

Blog 12 - Portsmouth

mighty10 — Wed, 18 Jan 2017 09:49:00 GMT

Sat in our first ever 'Private Room' Airbnb in lovely Portsmouth waking up from my first afternoon nap in over a week. How I have missed them. While Kate wakes up and the best tv option is the Big Bang theory it's a great chance to catch up on where we have been. The fat little pug Kenco laying on me is making it a little hard to type but I'll do my best. Not normally a fan of these dogs buts he's so God damn cute. And we know a lot more about God now as you'll read below.

Side note - my new favourite show Rick Stein is now on so I'm even more distracted.

Side note - did you know (for those outside England) that you have to pay a licence to own a TV here? I told you they can fleece you for just about everything!

Fair to say a week of contrast.

To start with York. What a lovely town. History, culture, persecution of the Jews, lovely food and drink - all the stuff we already know about a country village in England yeah? What highlighted the 2 night stay in York was a booking mistake made by yours truly that was about as rookie as it gets. YHA Hostels have a place and serve a purpose, but housing a pretty normal travelling couple (married couple) is not one of them. This genius booked us in to an 8 bed dorm to save a bit of money. What I didn't realise was the discount also got us separate male / female only rooms and everything bar an actual sign told us that outside hand holding I better not touch my wife inappropriately. Men as old as my dear grandad snored, coughed and snorted their way through the night as well as he used to bless him. Wifi connection banned any type of interesting video alone in bed. Old mate 'Song' from China ate rice for breakfast and cereal for dinner of the sink like it was a troff. The arrival of an American Christian College tour group to the hostel with their turtle neck sporting professor and copy of the good book for all explained where we were at. The way he kept touching them gave me the chills and memories of 19 Kids and Counting. I've always said the only thing worse than an American is an educated American - but one with Jesus on their side is capable of taking over the world and all your oil. We found ourselves saying goodnight and heading to bed at 8pm because it was just easier than being in this really weird and almost scary common room environment. We tried an old English version of trivial persuit and Rule / DJ you'll be happy to know I sucked. York is lovely - just never stay in a YHA if you want to do anything other than read. It did give us a chance to do some Kenya and Tanzania planning which was a "blessing" in disguise :)

We needed a cleanse so we headed to Harrogate for a day. There we had our first experience in a Roman Bath House which was just lovely to feel some warmth and then we went to see La La Land. I did not think I would enjoy it but honestly it was a great movie and I recommend it highly.

As much as it was a pain not sleeping together and feeling a little uncomfortable, we knew this was only temporary and the main event of this road trip was upon us. For those I know who have had the pleasure of meeting Townmouse, Vanessa, Tony and Bekka none of this will come as a surprise to you. For those who haven't, this is four of the most genuine and beautiful people I have ever had the chance to meet. It's so funny that almost 10 years ago Tristan got his winter playing cricket abroad changed at the last minute, and we got to have this English connection in our lives. They are the most down to earth, hilarious, nationalistic, generous and lively people to be around. You will never laugh more in your life. I wish I could but in this forum cannot repeat 95% of what we talked about but Kate and I spent most of our time crying and gasping for air uncontrollably. Boys when we get a chance to talk I'll let you know the new gems I've picked up from the lads but need to keep this blog at least PG.

We spent the 4 nights based at Townmouse and Nessy's. Night one was just an amazing catch up and a beautiful home cooked meal and way too much booze. Tony dropped in for one and a few gags but left just before Chewie and I cracked open the scotch. Feeling dusty the next day Nessy cooked up a heart-starting breakfast before we set off for a stunning walk to the top of Malham Cove to look out across the Yorkshire Dales. It had taken 3 weeks but it snowed! And I mean snowed!!! The hills, roads, houses and landscape was covered in fluffy white snow. That's what we thought, but were told by our tour guides it was just a light sprinkling...rubbish. I have never seen anything like it and Kate and I were so happy. A few snowball fights and a very un-elegant snow angels were on the cards while we were looked at like we were proper dickheads. At the top of the Cove we could see forever. Truly remarkable. England's answer to a question never asked also happened to be there and would you believe it...our world Harry Potter tour continued as Malham Cove was home to some scenes from the Deathly Hallows - right where we were standing. Fair to say another nerd-gasm was had. After sliding our way back to the car on the now icy roads and steak pie and an Ale got us warmed up again for a few more brews so the Old White Bear was home for the evening.

After some of Nessy's cooking again we met up with Tony and finally Bekka and headed to sunny (rainy), colourful (grey), happy (very very sad) Manchester for the premier of her brother's movie Manchester Keeps On Dancing. The movie was very interesting about the dance culture in the city and its lengthy history, but drinking beers during a movie is not a great idea. Not sure we missed much, but our group of 6 took about 12 trips to the loo. What followed was one of the great sips of all time. Facebook comments were made and deleted. Pretty much everyone in the world copped a verbal barrage, we were the kings of our world and we drank way too much. Again I cannot repeat any of the conversation here but my goodness it was funny. The next morning we headed back to Crosshills after a feed. A nice walk to sober up around Bolton Abbey, a lovely brew at the beautiful Barbara and Rowdy Boy's house and a big dinner was followed up by several nightcaps - and then our fantastic 4 nights in Crosshills was over. We will be back in the summer, and we can't wait to see these guys again.

The next morning we made the uneventful drive to Portsmouth and were in bed by 7.30pm promising each other a very healthy 3 days before Kamy arrives and Jack and I booze it up again. A bit of sightseeing in the local area and we fund ourselves at the D-Day museum. It is amazing to me no matter how many times I go to a museum for WW2 I learn and am moved so much.

We are off to Stonehenge tomorrow and then Thursday the car gets dropped off, pick Amy up from Heathrow and then 6 nights in East London.

It has been an interesting and enlightening week. So much fun and so much love from beautiful people.

Until next time, Mighty out...

Blog 11 - On The Road to York

mighty10 — Wed, 11 Jan 2017 02:45:00 GMT

I want to get off the bat early that driving around Scotland is stunning. Even in the depths of winter words and pictures do not do justice to the pure beauty you will see. We couldn't even imagine what it would look like come Autumn. I'm very lucky that this is the second time in my life I have had this opportunity and I implore anyone to at least once in their lives hire a car and do it. Petrol isn't cheap, but you can't buy memories. You can though pay 30p to go to the toilet - one of my favourites that is.

We arrived in Glasgow after our night stop over still very low on energy and for some reason a bit cranky - well mainly me! After my life coach slowed me down and had a good chat with me we had another of those moments where we work out what we really want from this trip. I know I keep saying it but the more we travel together the more we are getting this right. We don't want big cities...some are must dos yes - but we have done the major ports. We want towns, villages, communities - places that we haven't been and experiences we will only get once. So like all our great decisions in 10min we cut short our Glasgow and Edinburgh stays to throw in a drive to find Nessy and see the highlands.

I recommend the Bus Sightseeing Tour in Glasgow. I have avoided these my whole travelling life as I thought them very touristy. How wrong I have been. What a perfect way to see the city and to learn. I loved the culture and the city's sometimes dark and sometimes colourful history. Kate loved listening to Neill Oliver and was extremely affectionate afterwards??? Something about Scottish accents??? We jumped off the bus at one of the stops to see the Necropolis - an ancient Victorian cemetery on the top of a large hill above the cathedral. It would have been something Kate and I could have spent hours exploring, however it was the coldest day I have ever experienced. Despite layers and layers nothing prepares you for -2 degrees. Puddles were frozen over in the middle of the afternoon. We jumped right back on the next bus after a quick walk and a couple of pictures. Kate was still so smitten (by me of course) I even convinced her to try her first Hagis ball. It was deep fried so cheating a little bit but she was very brave. I actually really liked it and want to try it myself when I get River Cottage Bonnie Doon up and running. A warm cuddle in bed to warm up was cut short by an episode of SVU. Despite even me seeing this episode twice I knew I had lost Kate and rolled over to enjoy an early night.

A couple of nights and we were off to our Airbnb in Stathpeffer, north of Inverness. I won't bang on about the drive again but just wow - do yourself a favour. Living in Melbourne, even Victoria, you just get no appreciation for how old things can be. Castles still stand proud and erect that predate the dark ages. Pubs still serve beer (or in our case Devonshire tea) built 200 years before my relatives stole bread and were thrown on a boat. The lakes - or Lochs I should say - are majestic and reflect the horizon like pure glass. A couple of little tourist stops and we arrived. Our trip to a local water fall was right in my wheelhouse and to make it better if I wasn't smarter I could have sworn the river flowed with black gold Guinness. The flip of this is the worst most expensive crappy two course meal ever. I'd of fathered one of Berg's 'pull aparts' and at least that wouldn't of cost $50! It was just junk but it got us thinking...this was a fine dining place in Inverness - are we just that lucky back home that nothing can possible compare? I've travelled a lot, not everywhere but a lot, and there is almost little doubt left in my mind that Melbourne - from fine dining to cheap take away - does the most consistent high level of food anywhere.

Travelling highlight...with a kitchen for the first time (that was suitable) Kate made me a chicken pesto pasta. My goodness I forgot how much I love home cooking. We bought supplies so I could even make bacon and eggs for breakfast! Travelling lowlight...on the second night in the house above our little residence was an 11 year old girl's bedroom - who was having a sleep over with 5 or 6 of her friends. Not an ideal set up. I at least know which Jonas brother is hotter and what the boys from 1D are doing now. I did get to wake up early though and watch a live Big Bash game so take the good with the bad.

Just a quick note for people planning a big road trip anywhere - if you want to keep a track of it I found an awesome app called TrackMyTour. Below is a link of where we are up to. It's great and will provide a great memory for us alongside this blog.

https://TrackMyTour.com/L4vXN

We made our was down to Edinburgh with a stop at Stirling Castle. It cost £14.50 per person to enter so we took a picture of my awesome dog's namesake Robert the Bruce and just decided to tell everyone we went. As we are driving parking in major cities is an issue. Our last 10min in the car in Glasgow weren't fun so we have decided to be more prepared and ask in advance. Edinburgh has this really cool Park and Ride set up. You park at a station the surrounds the CBD for 50p and catch a cheap train in - the one we chose an 11min train to the centre of town. I'd forgotten how confusing old town Edinburgh streets were but we found the hostel without Kate getting too disappointed in me!

I sound like a bit of a shill but I know a lot of my boys at cricket are getting to an age where they will start to do the world trips like me and the older guns have done. If you come to Edinburgh stay at Budget Backpackers. It has everything for a travelling couple like us, and a young dumb full of *** lads ready to explore. Top 3 hostels I've been in.

For the second time in my life I did the Edinburgh free walking tour with Kate. As we set off my memory flooded back and despite all my instincts at one point I became 'that guy' that answers the questions. Kate thought it was very sexy that I knew. I didn't tell her that I'd remembered the answer from last time. Tristan if you're reading this it was the part about "walking home pissed". As the tour went on hanging this, castle that, I learned a couple of mildly interesting things - there was only one main event we wanted! At the conclusion of the tour your are taken to the cemetery when JKR wrote large parts of her books and used the head stones for character names. As soon as Paula took her tip off us we rushed (very slowly and carefully as a million people before us have eroded all the grass and turned the area to mud) to the tombstone of the Dark Lord - the true hero of the story. I felt a chill being in the great man's presence. A couple of doors down a blank tombstone had been graffitied over with the name Sirius Black which Kate and I both found so funny we had a nerd-gasm.

Our leaning continued in the afternoon as we found the Devonshire tea might not be as popular as we think it is, never walk past a pulled pork bap joint as they close before dinner time and cafe does not mean what we think a cafe is.

As I'm finishing up we have just crossed the border back into England on our way to York. We were driving along the picturesque eastern coast which I ignored to write this and now are inland to see some more sheep (see what I did there Chiz?). A couple of nights in York and then 4 with Dean, Becka, Town Mouse and Nessie in Crosshills. Have had two beers since Boxing Day so I am in a bit of trouble when I come across those four unfortunately! I'll write a blog of our adventures as we head down south Monday.

Until next time, Mighty out!

Blog 10 - On the Road to Glasgow

mighty10 — Wed, 4 Jan 2017 20:45:00 GMT

A tale of sickness and minimal excitement. I'm sat at a Travelodge in Stafford which is our roadside home for the night eating my carrots and humous while my poor very sick wife has a bath. We are on our way to Glasgow to start our mini road trip test run for the next 17 days before Amy (or Kamy as they have referred to themselves) arrives but Kate didn't have the drive in her so we have stopped half way.

We have both been sick, really sick. At first it was the thought of a hectic week or so catching up with us and some rest would do us good. But that has turned into a week long snot and cough fest that would see even the most trusting Asian run for the SARS mask.

Our two nights in the toon we barely made it outside. We cannot thank our hosts Tim and Jen enough. They were so accommodating and were just as happy to do nothing with us! We discussed plot holes in Harry Potter and Star Wars and counted down the 10 most controversial moments of Friends (some how the next few days get more boring!!!). It was however so good to see Tim. It has been far too long and Newcastle has been great for the great man. Can't wait to hear about their special day early this year and hopefully can catch up with him in the summer.

Doull left us to chase some tail (successfully as he reminded us several thousand times) as we drove back into London. That day was probably my worst and Kate powered through 6 hours of driving. Jack ignored his phone so we made our way into Stoke Newington for the next four nights. Stoke Newington is an interesting part of London. It's this amazing mix of the haves and have-nots. The most well dressed man will leave his £1M apartment and step over the 'special' gift left by the homeless man the night before. I first hand made my way through one of these special gifts!!! Whole Foods and organic groceries are flagged by Dixie Chicken and £1.49 large pizzas. It's the St Kilda of London on a Saturday with a not so friendly Jew everywhere and a very present Jehovahs Witness thrown in. We never felt unsafe, but we also never felt confident walking down the street at night.

Luckily due to how sick we were at this point, walking down the street at night wasn't a real issue. The 30th, 31st and the 1st we spent on average 18 hours a day in bed. As posted a couple of nights we did make it out for dinner, but the effort was insane and being in bed at 9pm was a late one. Fireworks and the cool kids did wake us up at New Years for a quick kiss but even that was tiring. The place we stayed was a share house so while we had a good room and ensuite, it was a bit uncomfortable using the shared kitchen and we were happy to move on this morning.

As mentioned a couple of times we have decided to get a car as a test run for Europe. We will drive around Scotland and Northern England hitting a few major cities but also trying to hit the smaller untraveled parts of the U.K. We are excited about this and really think that if this works which we know it will, we will try it for 3 months in Europe. The car hire is cheap, but the juice is not!

I will end this blog on a high tho...on the 2nd Jack Doull and I went to a game of football. For Christmas Jack got the boys tickets to Fulham v Brighton. We sat at the Fulham home end (which also in pure amazement to us, determined which pub we could have a beer at before the game!) It was a complete culture shock to us but I guess gave us a warning / understanding of how volatile English football can be. Craven Cottege is amazing I was so thrilled to be there. We picked early the players we liked and the ones who were duds and were proven correct. Humphries being called a "fkn fat twat" was exactly what we were thinking. The sound was unreal and non stop. The fans live on every single kick. The game where 'we' lost 1-2 had more excitement than 85% of AFL games. Words and pictures will never do it justice. This was a huge bucket list item for me and I can't have been happier to share it with these great men.

Kate dragged herself out of bed for a debrief and meal at the pub as well as the first few sets of MvG dominating the darts final. We said goodbye to the Doull who is again off chasing the ladies but when he gets home - boys ask him about this new girlfriend from Melbourne! He will lie but his eyes and smile will tell you the truth. We will catch up with Jack when we are back in London on the 19th but it was a touch sad (can't believe I am writing this) to see the Doull off. He was a more than welcome addition to our trip.

I am getting better, and we have started Kate on some antibiotics so she'll be back up soon. Glasgow tomorrow for now only two nights then Edinburgh for 4 nights. And hey...I just found a reply of a Big Bash game on free TV so I'm pretty happy.

Happy New Years everyone. Love and miss you all (well most of you).

Until next time, Mighty out.

Blog 9 - On the Road to Newcastle

mighty10 — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 22:09:00 GMT

NOTE - this is being posted 2 days after I wrote it. Happy New Years everyone

After a quick pit stop at the Peterborough service centre on the way up to see Raff in Newcastle I have been relegated to the back seat and decided to whip the iPad out for a bit of writing. And there is a bit to catch up on. The last 10 days since we landed have been a whirlwind of laughs, celebrations, catch ups, booze, presents and a distinct lack of sleep! There hasn't been a great deal of tourism but we have seen the bars and people we want to see!

The Doull (who I've had to hide the whole time was coming over to meet up with us) finally arrived without event early in the morning. Upon our arrival in Shepherds Bush where we would be based for the next 7 nights we made the Aussie pilgrimage to Belushi's to plan our surprise for Jack when he got in to town. I'm confident that everyone who is reading this has seen the resulting video knows what happened next (check out my Facebook if you haven't). It was awesome to be a part of and we were so happy to see each other. We dumped our bags and checked into the Airbnb (more on that in a second) and headed straight back to the pub. Was an awesome day and a ripping start. It was like it had been a week not 9 months since Jack was living with Kate and I.

I need to explain the Airbnb and how crap it was because it facilitates following events. You pay extra for a house so you can have privacy, a homely bed and a place to live. The sofa the Doull had was as comfy as bumping into your ex, the shower was as cold as your ex and the utensils to cook with were as crappy as your ex. The joint was no good and my review told them so. We did everything we could to bring Christmas into the house but it was impossible in this dark dungeon. The fact we couldn't cook a Christmas lunch made the man in white and the Christmas spirit seem further out of reach. I'm very happy to say this changed.

We spent the next couple of days Christmas shopping and nights exploring Covent Gardens and Camden. James got me a lovely Christmas tattoo which we will both for the rest of our lives be very proud to show off and will never regret #beibs. There wasn't many people out at night and not the same vibe I have always experienced in these places over Summer, but the cold and gloomy conditions don't help. It was never going to snow this week, but it's cold and nothing prepares you for the sun going down at 4pm in the afternoon. You don't know when to eat and you always think it's bed time. It's not a complaint I just don't know how they do it.

Thursday Jack asked us to keep free. He had a great day of tourism planned for us. Kate went to have lunch with an old friend Jen from her Noosa days and the three boys headed off to pub - well we went to head to the pub but jack decided to take us on the "most boring streets of London" tour until the Aussies took over and found a joint. And it started...after a failed attempt to get a free pint due to our lunch stuff up, the girls joined us and I got to meet Jen who is out of this world lovely and funny. It wasn't even that noticeable she was a slow Queenslander! Jack revealed the big plan for the day was to hit up Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park and we were all for that with his sister Georgia and Doull's friend Steph meeting us after work. Then Jack got a call. Then Jack got offered a new job. Then Doull bought "one shot" to celebrate. Then it was 11pm, we had not moved from our table and we were the only people in the world. I don't know how I got home which is funny cause neither does Kate. Some people didn't even make it home or went a very long way. People were shocked that Australian's have heard of Jenga. Jack gave us all the very good reasons why he needs a new job (story for the lads). 8 hours later we didn't get that free pint and I don't think we needed it. We had been invited to Jen's house for Christmas lunch and we had the best day with some of the best people you could ever ask for.

The next day we achieved NOTHING. Cannot believe Jack went to work. Glad Georgia was breathing. Needed McDonlads and sleep. I did get myself off the couch long enough to go to the movies on my own which was weird but well worth it to see Star Wars. WOW, just WOW.

Christmas Eve Kate had to finish some shopping off so Doull and I went to Lords and Abbey Rd to do some tourism before we all went to meet Jen and her man Tom for a drink and meet-and-greet. After the pub we were in closed at 3pm (and I had just nestled in too) we headed finally and unexpectedly to Winter Wonderland. Warning for future Aussies to London - shorts over skins gets you very odd looks and does not keep you warm. Beers do tho so just make sure you have them. The clear highlight of the night was Doull and I trying to knock the cups over to win a prize by throwing the balls as hard as we could and getting nowhere, with the 3 50kg Muslim girls next to us softly throwing them down in 3 goes, and giving us their left over balls and advice on how to do it properly. You don't reckon we heard about that?!?!

Christmas Day I was up early for a call back home before having another rest then present time. Santa found us and was very generous on a strict budget! It was great to see the family happy and together. We then took the most indirect route in the world to Jen and Tom's not sure what to expect and were greeted with a feast of all feasts. The generosity that the guys showed was ridiculous and above and beyond anything we could of expected. We ate until we burst and then played Jack's Christmas present Articulate as Santa hadn't quite wrapped that one yet. The night got later and the banter got funnier and the great game produced its normal relationship testing moments. We cannot thank the guys enough for having us.

Boxing Day morning a hungover Mighty had a chat to a very drunk Tristan and Nick before it was time to head to Chelmsford. Meeting us at the station was Jack and the old man Lethal Lee. Bags were dropped at the next hotel and it was off to the Sterland's to meet the whole family and spend any down drinking and eating. Mum Jane, Lee, Georgia, nan, nan, pop, the cousins, the family friends and Blazzer are just the best people you could meet. They gave us anything and everything and were simply amazing. They just adored hearing stories about Jack's wifi use, his late night sleep overs and his failed relationship with Penny from our point of view. The conversation never struggled and at one point pretty sure I heard Kate comparing hole in the ground toilet stories with pop. We laughed all day and mugged off Jack. We played the longest game of Articulate ever but God we laughed and laughed. Once again go too late Kate and I grabbed a taxi home while the Doull and Jack tried their luck at a local nightspot but ended up in bed together.

A pretty lazy rest day was required yesterday and it's exactly what happened. We took Blazzer for a walk, Jack ate a olive subway and we had a burger for dinner. Night was topped off with a spot of Harry Potter.

This morning Doull and I picked up the car on a morning so cold my beard started to get icicles and we are counting that as snow. Checked out of the hotel and went to Jack's for a fry up. And what a fry up. Wish we'd known about this when he was living with us. We said our goodbyes but not fair wells and started the drive up north the the toon.

I'm tired, it's been a massive few days but it's been so much fun with many more exciting things coming up.

Until next time, Mighty out

Blog 8 - London

mighty10 — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 03:49:00 GMT

Disclaimer - in the past 40 hours due to transit I have slept a grand total of 5 hours and 3 of those were a nap this morning. This blog will be honest but most likely gibberish :)

We have arrived in the land of teenage parenthood - England! It have been quite the 5 or so weeks so far and while being about 25 degrees colder than our bodies have become accustomed too we couldn't be happier / tireder.

Since I last wrote, we made the decision to spend an extra 8 nights in Phi Phi to just relax, enjoy the sun, work on the tan and rest up for what promises to be a very exciting and different Christmas period. And that is exactly what we did!!! We spent our days relaxing by the pool, napping, taking long walks to beaches and napping, relaxing...it really was a quiet period for us. There was a bit of tourism chucked in with a trip to the view point and a taxi boat ride, but fairly uneventful. As lovely as this sounds it's not overly exciting, and we spent a fair bit of time discussing what we had done wrong, what we have done right and what we want to do differently. We discussed a lot about freedom and more of what we want to see from this trip. The more we talked the more and more we are leaning towards hiring a car to get across the UK in January as a test run for hiring one for 3-4 months in Europe next summer. While we are happy to use the local knowledge in Africa and South America, I am reminded of the fun I've had in the UK, in Croatia, America and more recently in this trip in Penang where a vehicle can take you where you want, when you want. I also remember that the most fun I've had on trips is going to the places that no one else has been, that no one expects you to come. These memories last forever.

For those that haven't seen I have made myself another 20% tougher, making me in total 80% tough, with a new addition to my left arm. I said to myself I wanted to try a bamboo tattoo. After talking to the only tattoo parlour that had a dog (the other 70 had cats) and deciding to get something small to test it out, I ended up getting my whole upper arm tattooed in a marathon 9 hour session over two sittings. At first honestly it hurt a lot less than a normal tattoo, however as the artist chipped and chipped away my pain threshold became thinner and thinner. Five hours the first night was ok...but the four hours the next night was agony. Kate was an absolute angel, bringing me snacks, Coke, waters, beers - whatever I needed to get me through! Foot rubs and leg rubs were also a welcome distraction. I actually couldn't have got through it with out her so I must say thank you. When all was said and done though I had the desired results - the wife thinks it's hot, I think it's cool and the in-laws think it's shocking, what more could you ask for?

I was invited to my first wine night with the girls. Kate and her friends catch up once a week for a booze-filled-men-hating night but as I stole the 3rd member of the self proclaimed "wolf-pack" away it was organised to be done via Skype. We went to the local "Irish" bar - which was about as actually Irish as JB - and got ourselves nice and day drunk. One of those day drunk days that when you remember the next morning you went to be before dark it must have been good.

Had a nice Thai massage on our last day with Kate - no not one of 'those' Thai massages but there were a few moments where either I was being a bit prudish, or my body artist just didn't care and got right in there. A well spent $12 regardless and as always an interesting memory.

As I've said throughout the blogs,it's not that South East Asia wasn't fun or didn't have enjoyable moments, it didn't have those life changing memories we are looking for as a part of this trip. I know you can't have one of those every day, but I am just not a massive fan. It has its beauty and I'd never discourage anyone from going, I just know Kate and I want to see different things. Spirits were high and never dampened - while tested - as we took a 2 hour ferry, 14 hours in flights, 11 hours in waiting rooms and the always fun experience of UK customs got us to London! Unfortunately as part of the flight change we didn't realise that we actually got into London a day early! So a hotel tonight down in Hounslow which is actually quite a nice area (or maybe just seems nice cause I am so happy to be here) before heading up to Shepherds Bush and our Airbnb for a week. Christmas is coming and tomorrow we catch up with Jack - watch this space for a few surprises :) As for tonight, well it's 4.15pm and the sun has completely set and it is pitch black outside. We are both completely stuffed but a pint and a feed and early night will have us ready to go for tomorrow. And not before we both had lunch at our happy places - McDonalds and Greggs...ill let you guess which place was for who :)

Hopefully post a blog Christmas Eve, wishing everyone back home a merry Christmas when they wake up.

Until next time, Mighty Out

Blog 7 - Phi Phi

mighty10 — Sat, 10 Dec 2016 17:26:00 GMT

Sitting around the pool over looking stunning blue waters and the majestic rolling cliffs that surround them nothing could ruin this scene. Then two Americans who introduce themselves as from Wisconsin like that is supposed to mean something suck all of the love and beauty out of the day requiring the oxygen to talk absolute bullshit about things they know nothing about. God bless their souls, maybe time to put your backwards flat peaks back on and protect those burning onions.

With the boys slugging it out back home I like to spend the Saturday's close to the wifi so I can keep up to date with the scores. I also can't listen to this garbage anymore so perfect time to write a blog. Everything that comes out of their mouths is a lie!

So for the second time in this trip we were greeted at the accommodation by the always charming Alexia and Ash. The customary drop of bags was followed by a walk to the beach to get some vitamin beer into us. We haven't had a great deal of sun so far but this was going to change in the coming days.

A quiet night was followed by a day on the beach and full sunshine that hasn't left us. Thanks to free wifi and modern technology we were able to listen on the beach to Warner and Smith carve up the Blackcaps all over Canberra. While the four of us loved it (not so much Kate) the other tourists from Europe and Russia were HATING IT and we quickly found ourselves with a section of beach all to ourselves.

There are cats everywhere here, and I mean everywhere. They each seem to have their own small patch of territory and coexist. They seem too, like all cats, spend a great deal of time sleeping but are for some reason very friendly and open to a pay. Some appear much healthier than others, some even look like pets. We worked out they are on the island to catch the rats and mice. The more mice you catch, the more your owner feeds you on top. We of course all went straight to the most pathetic and mangled looking ones and have been making sure they can live to fight another day.

It was also one of the days Kate and I made one of our 'life decisions'. Those that know us know these are generally a walk that leads to us buying a house or a coffee that turns into an overseas trip. While not as extreme this time we revisited what we really wanted from the next phase of the trip. Chiangmai and Bangkok were on the agenda, but as discussed neither of us are massive fans of the region. Phi Phi Don (town/island) is stunning, it's cheap and the sun never goes away. While we agreed we'd need to upgrade our prison cell to something a touch nicer meaning no booze, we decided this is what we wanted. Hostels were canceled, extra nights booked, train rides refunded and planes missed. We are now staying put until the 17th December, and then catching a flight from Krabi to London to hug Jack and then punch him because we are off him. I'll no doubt hug him again tho can't wait to see him.

There isn't much I can write about here that you can't see on google images. The beaches are stunning and the sheer cliffs that surround the island are hard to take your eyes off. Off the shore it reminds me of Ios - small streets that wind and intercept each other in a gridded maze all have bars and pubs and alcohol you can buy when ever you want. At every bend there is a poor tourist trying to earn a nights sleep offering you this party cruise or that drink special because "you look like you can party" - please champ I look like a grandad these days. Speaking of grandad, there was a gentleman pushing well past retirement age selling passes to the booze cruise. He had a yarn or two and was just living the dream. It was quite extraordinary.

In our two nights out we discovered the joy of the bucket. Imagine a sand bucket on the course, double it, fill it with enough alcohol that you have to be careful lighting a dart around it and drink it. Night one we learned the kamikaze wasn't the way to go and moved to strawberry daiquiris the next night. I continued my dominance over the pool table destroying all comers who wanted a crack at the title and on the second night with a record of 10-1 (the 1 being me fouling on the black) we went to a pub - again called Reggae Bar - where people, generally mates, who would jump in the ring and go 3 x 1min rounds of Muay Thai with each other received a medal and a free aforementioned bucket. While it got a bit long in the tooth after 7-8 fights, at the start we were into this. You pay more for your beer but God it was entertaining. My favs as I mentioned on the gram were these two chavs who thought they were as fit as all get up, throwing punches that would wound a bath bubble, getting upset and cracking the shits at each other and throwing gloves at each other. Hilarious and pathetic at the same time. Now you may ask was I man enough to get in the ring? Well of course I have 13 years defence training from rugby, 17 years 'putting Nick Frayne in his box' training and 20 years watching WCW/WWF/ECW experience so it was a no brainer. But Kate said she didn't want me to ruin some other guys trip which I thought was noble of her and I left amateur to the amateurs.

Lex and Ash left to a few tears from the lovely but those wounds were healed by the room upgrade. Lex and Ash you are bloody amazing people and I can't wait for the future planned adventures to NZ and Torquay! Since then Kate has been quite ill. Luckily we found some antibiotics and while a few days later no longer 'sick', her body is removing all the crap and she has no energy. It's fine. There really isn't much to do here apart from sunbake and swim and get our energy back for London and Christmas time!!! I won't be in touch via blog until after we land in London. We honestly especially when Kate is better are just beaching and walking and enjoying some rest. So in other words being boring and no one wants to know if they are hotdogs or legs - the are fkn legs!!! We have an Airbnb for our first 7 nights in London. We are catching up with Jack and the great man Raff and I'll write when I have some stories and 'plenty of surprises' to share.

Until next time, Mighty out.

Blog 6 - Phuket

mighty10 — Mon, 5 Dec 2016 20:15:00 GMT

It's been a while since the last blog, so apologies as this will be a big one helped by the fact I have 2.5 hours on a ferry to kill. We are waiting to depart Phuket Harbour on an overcrowded but surprisingly comfortable boat to Phi Phi where Alexia and Ash await us for the next 3 nights.

Quick warning to people travelling to KL - they either won't accept credit cards anywhere or refuse to take tourists credit cards. We were lucky it wasn't a huge issue for us it just meant an earlier night but get cash.

On Tuesday afternoon awaiting us at Phuket airport were the smiling but tired faces of Lexi and Ash and our shuttle bus driver to take us to the resort. I'll get the thank you done now as their names will appear later so to resort manager Leah and to the Googly Eyed Warrior thank you for sorting our perfect rooms out for us.

We checked in, dropped bags, lied about having a shower and a rest and went straight to the beach for an ice cold beer. Those that know me well know that sometimes I can get in an overexcited mood - the sun, waves, great company and table service are all key triggers of this. While we had an awesome afternoon and it was so cool to meet any man who can calm Lexi down it ended rather early with the last thing I remember seeing was 7.58pm on the room clock. We did manage to eat which meant the next day wouldn't start too badly but I also learned a valuable lesson in checking the plumbing when using a urinal in the future. I can confirm that the weird sensation I was having when using the public toilet was in fact me pissing on my own foot.

We had 6 nights in total at the Outrigger in Laguna Beach, and each of those mornings took full advantage of the buffet breakfast, clean towels, free soaps and shampoos and first class service.

Day 2 was standard tourism around the pool reading and sleeping. The plan was that night to make the trip in to Patong and Bangla Rd. Now I am not a massive fan of Patong having been worn down by a week on the strip 7 years ago but in fairness the company back then was shit and it is something you have to see at least once. Kate and the guys were in for a treat on their first experience. My Nan reads these so I will keep it clean, but in Patong you can see, touch, feel or taste what ever the heart desires and there are many westerners there to take advantage of that. We had the honour and privilege of watching an Asian dressed as Elvis sing Biebs to us over dinner - fair to say I got a tad into that. Lexi and Ash went to a ping pong show and learned a new way to prepare your morning eggs and old bleeding heart mighty saved a poor crying English girl until he realised she'd lost her darts and money shockingly and was being played. When will I learn. After the craziness we regrouped at Australia Bar and I found myself in a shot drinking contest with the lovely ladyboy waiter Billy which she won. After what was an ordinary taxi ride in, our tuk tuk home was amazing. Music pumping, speeding and traffic laws being ignored, laughs and great times - the only way to travel in Thialand.

I have very little to report about the next day. I went to breakfast still drunk. We ate a burger at the place that won 'second best burger' two years running. I should have eaten at the joint that won as I spent the afternoon hugging a toilet bowl. Kate tried to look after me but I was unresponsive. I spent the night alone in bed.

Lexi and Ash's last day and I put yesterday down to a bug and was firing again. We knocked off Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and a quick surf before making our way to a bit further down the beach to a bit more of an interesting area for dinner and drinks with the locals. The meal and drinks flowed at Emmy's bar as did the conversation in broken English with our new friends. We met a lovely waiter who works his ass off to send money back home to his family in Cambodia and a bartender who was convinced Kate's drinks didn't have enough alcohol in them and added a little bit more each time. We then headed over to Orange Corner bar. Kate and I destroyed the competition on the pool table - it was an awesome display. We then sat down to drinks with a gay married Russian couple who were living in Thailand after being married in Denmark as gays are still heavily persecuted in Russia. The conversation was great and fun until one of them played God Save the Queen. It all went very pear shaped as he got angry at us for not knowing our anthem and being disrespectful while telling me how dumb I was for not recognising Queen Victoria was our first PM in 1836. See ya mate time to leave. Grabbed a traveler and hopped in a tuk tuk with Gimley. Offered old mate Gimmers a sip of my beer and in one foul swoop I was left with an empty can and a real appreciation for a great man.

See you in a few days Lexi and Ash, enter Googs and the lovely Tanya. Very happy for Googs as he deserves a good lady and a good lady Tanya is. We accompanied them to the Black Tie Muay Thai III gala event in the hotel ball room and were shocking underdressed but owned it as Kate and I played secret billionaires. We had seats A1 and A2 to a night of fighting, free flow, great food and rich people feeling good about themselves giving to charity. It was this sense of charity that made Kate's move to drop 1000B on raffle tickets seem odd as we are the poor ones, however it paid dividends with us winning! A vip experience at a night club in Bangla Rd for us and 4 others and a coffee machine and tea / coffee products. The second prize completely useless to us but who cares we won. UFC experts and now Muay Thai experts Googs and myself called all the fights the way the judges saw them. Very pleased with my girl knocking out the little Pom chick. Flattened when Googs gave me a clothesline from hell in the middle of the ring. To end the night perfectly we met the lovely Barton (CFO of a chain of restaurants in Phuket) and were informed by "Chef" that we were invited to a bottomless brunch tomorrow on him - no need for arm twisting there.

We roll in the next day for bottomless brunch at 11.30am welcomed with beers and cocktails. The food was stunning and we can't thank Chef and Leah enough for this experience. It was lifestyles of the rich and famous. We sat, we drank, we ate...we had a ball topped off by a video call back home to the Freight Train. We also learned the secrets of the hotel trade. The juice cups are so small to stop Chinese from wasting so much. The secret of the towels is industrial driers. Room service is so expensive to deter people from using is. Buffets run at about 30% wastage! This is again due mainly to the Chinese and their need to fill the table with food even if they don't plan to eat it. While Kate and I took a nap Googs 3rd-wheeled it with Leah and Tanya who kept drinking somehow all late afternoon before the gang added Barton and headed back to Bangla to use our prize. Low expectations were blown out of the water. Vodka and Jäger flowed as the rnb pumped all free of charge. We really had a fun night made better by having an old friend there and meeting some new amazing people. The lovely Barton drove us home in his car and if you are any good at math you know 6 doesn't go into 5. Sure enough we are pulled over by the traffic police. Fair to say we started to feel sick and quite concerned. Googs was calculating how much money he had in the bank, Kate was grateful she didn't bring her real rings and I was hoping my tattoos were a map of the prison plumbing system. Barton - calmer than any man - said a few words and we were on our way. Did we over react? We spent the rest of the car ride home convincing each other our fears were real...

I will not remember Phuket for the resort but for the people we shared the resort with. Amazing people.

Googs - I am wearing my footy jumper as I write this - even received a compliment!!!

While we love the luxury, to be honest we are both looking forward to getting back to hostel life. It's hard to explain but it feels a bit more 'us' and of course can't wait to explore somewhere new in Phi Phi with Lexi and my boy Ash. 3 nights there if this boat doesn't sink and then off to Chiangmai.

Blog 5 - Penang

mighty10 — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 18:15:00 GMT

Sitting at the airport McDonlads after putting away a double cheeseburger meal - a mere snack compared to the 2 double cheeseburgers consumed by my travel partner the other day - we have about 4 hours to kill before our flight. What better way to make the clock go forward 30min than to share with the world what we have been up too.

First of all...Harry Potter! I discussed in my last blog Kate and I seeing Fantastic Beasts. Well since that night, every night at bed time we have started the full discography of Harry Potter movies. Last night saw us finish the Goblet of Fire and when we pass through the gates today we will get a start on the Order of the Phoenix. While I still have many questions about glaring plot holes and what appear to be rational inconsistencies I have been introduced to Pottermore. This does help relieve a few worries off the brain, however I still find myself a bit confused. I must admit tho I do enjoy the movies and enjoy more when I stump Kate with a scenario that makes no logical sense. Swords don't just appear in hats. We even spent 3 hours yesterday navigating malls and cross-bridges and google maps in order to find a paper copy of the Philosopher's Stone. Kate is currently reading her book as fast as she can so she can dump that and get into the world at 4 Pivot Drive.

We have definitely had a heap more fun in Penang than KL. I think it is the freedom offered of a smaller coastal town that takes the pressure off and forces you to relax. The carefree attitude of the locals is infectious. We hired a scooter to 'ride or die' our way around the island. Once our transaction with the man in the oversized shirt range was done we had paid 33RM (less than $11), left a 70RM deposit and departed without leaving a passport, a licence - even our names! Add to this to fill the tank cost 3.30RM - $1...how can you not be relaxed when no one cares about anything??? Kate and I spent our evenings after dinner having a few porchies and discussing with each other that 2 weeks in we weren't sick of each other yet, in fact we still liked each other so that was a good thing :)

We stayed in the 80s Guesthouse. We had a huge double room to ourselves and the breakfast at this hostel was really nice. Toast, fruit and proper jams. The place was old, at a guess 80-100 years. You were asked to remove shoes and tread lightly to the bedrooms upstairs. You find out why pretty quickly. Not sure the single layer of thin floorboards would pass many building inspections back home.

The scooter came about because the day before we were hanging to get out and swim. We had hired pushies but drastically under estimated how far we were away from a swimable beach. While we got to see some sights, learn a bit about how the traffic works to prepare us for the main event and Kate was able to get some pampering done, the beach would have to wait a day.

We set off on the scooters with limited experience or knowledge of what we were doing but it's fair to say I don't just look like Opie but that his character was based on me and my Casey Stoner like attitude to the roads. After the above mentioned eating feat we found one of the most amazing places. An unrestricted, undisturbed waterfall in the middle of the mountains. Never been prouder of Kate - walking bridges that we both fell off, standing and riding in the pouring rain with a singlet for protection, swimming in a lake under a waterfall without any encouragement and most astonishingly, relinquishing all control as I did the driving. Kate did have a brief stint behind the wheel for a brief period of time and continued to impress on her first crack. The wild streets of Penang tho called for a man of courage and skill to be guiding us home. We couldn't find one so I hid in the left lane and let all the big boys pass.

We had our first go at a free walking tour. We lasted 3min into this one before we ducked out the back and hit the bar! Again no offence to anyone who enjoys seeing the same temple 300 times but we just don't care. The Asian history told to you is of shipping and trade - we want to hear about the torture, the which hunts, the plague, the Renaissance. It is a huge part of us spending more time in Europe.

Kate has only been told off 3 times in the last 4 days which is good. The TV was too loud, she didn't accept a flyer for a beauty product and refused to pay 50x the cost to get a taxi to the airport. Apart from that she has been well behaved.

We continue to do very well with money which is good as tomorrow afternoon we see Alexia and her man Ash for 4 nights in Phuket. I have no doubt at all what these days will bring to my body and wallet but we have been a very good and we both can't wait to see them. Today it's back to KL for the night, then back to the airport to hop on the plane to Phuket. Someone should really have a look at a map before they book flights!!!

Until next time, Mighty out.

Blog 4 - Penang

mighty10 — Fri, 25 Nov 2016 13:51:00 GMT

Sitting in our very luxurious private dorm room at the 80s Guesthouse in Penang while Kate has a shower seems the perfect time to put the index fingers to the iPad. Not much to report on Penang yet, we only arrived yesterday but the place has lifted our spirits. The sun seems to be able to fight to pollution here with more force, the people are much nicer and there is a fun party vibe about the place. Plan on over the next 3 days really exploring that starting with a ride to the beach today.

After my last blog where I had a bit of a whinge about KL and south east Asia in general Kate and I decided to take matters into our own hands. We had date day. We went to the movies and saw the new Harry Potter prequel - accompanied with movie snacks - for $12aud! There should be an enquiry as to why we get changed so much back home. It's a joke and not surprisingly the cinema was much cleaner and more spacious / comfortable. We then hit up Maccas for a cheeseburger meal and shockingly for the next 5 hours...no one had to use the bathroom! I am glad for this as I am still not ready to squat over a hole or pay for the privilege. I know it's coming but not yet. We then (after our traditional afternoon nap) hit up the Heli Bar and enjoyed a beverage with a 37th floor panoramic view of the city. This is a must do if in town, appreciate the people who got us onto this with their recommendations. We finished off the night with a dodgy plate of food from Chinatown, Kate purchasing a dodgy handbag I'm led to believe is worth $1,000 back home, and as is custom a dodgy trip to the loo :) it was the perfect date day and it got us up and about.

Spent last night trying to sort accommodation in London. Not as easy as we hoped. We think we have booked an Airbnb in Clapham. Kate has more confidence than I do but she told me to back her in so I will. She hasn't been wrong about much yet so until she starts failing she is the boss. Carrying a bit less weight in the back back as we have left some winter clothes in KL at the hostel we have to return too. I will be looking forward to dumping most of that gear after leave leave the UK for Kenya.

Just a small one today. Looking forward to exploring Penang. Very excited about Phuket in a few days and having our first resort accommodation. Looking forward to smashing the breakfast buffet and stealing food for lunch.

Until next time, Mighty out.

Blog 3 - KL and Revelations

mighty10 — Tue, 22 Nov 2016 14:44:00 GMT

We finished up our pleasant but pretty uneventful week in Singapore on Monday with a Starbucks and an abandoned bag which sent the rattled Singapore airport security into a hilarious frenzy. However in fairness when it comes to getting though customs and bag drop, Singapore is the best I've seen so far!

Singapore was nice. It was clean and friendly and easy. Doubt I'd return even if we had the money to do it in style but I am glad I have been.

As we sat down and our Jetstar flight from Singapore to KL taxied to the runway I was asked an interesting question...the question posed by the wife was "do you even like SE Asia?" and my very prompt and honest response was not really. While I will always have fond memories of Vietnam my other experiences have been nothing short of 'just OK'. We agreed that we both don't really like this part of the world. It's not a dig at anyone who does or anyone who wishes to travel here, it's just not for us. But our honesty has meant a complete rewrite of the itinerary. We will now spend more time in Eastern Europe and the Middle East, returning home to see the great Googly Eyed Joe in HK and meet up with a couple of guns in Bali as the final destination.

This revelation and new plan of attack was made all the more emphatic upon our arrival in KL. Our hostel is in Chinatown, not far from KL Sentral. Again I don't want to offend anyone who loves it here, or wants to come, these are just my thoughts. But finding an adjective and keeping it clean is tough. The smells, to poverty, the disparity, the disfigurement and the hopelessness actually really effect and sadden me. Rats roam the streets where you eat, people barely surviving beg you for some relief, locals at best ignore you and at worst scream at you to get out of their way as they have their own problems to worry about. It's sad but I can't wait to get out of here. We head to Penang Thursday which I have heard is great and am looking forward too, then to Thailand to catch up with some amazing people. While I may have got myself a little bit worked up and needed to vent, I do not see myself other than a destination holiday or catching up with someone important ever traveling to this part of the world again. There is so much I want to see and this just isn't it.

We head to England on the 18th December, so there is still 4 weeks and we both plan to make the most of it. We will do some tourism and we will see the sights. Keep eating the local foods and keep our eyes open. The whole point of the trip tho was to find out what we don't like, what we do like and what we want to do with our lives. This is a part of that and a part of me has a sense of relief being able to be honest.

Apologies for the boring blog, promise to be more upbeat in the future, but needed to get it off my chest.

Until next time, Mighty Out

Blog 2 - Still in Singapore

mighty10 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 20:29:00 GMT

It's around 4pm on a Saturday afternoon. I have woken from my arvo nap to the aches and pains that plague my body which has aged well beyond its 35 years and am reminded I should have been playing cricket. I appreciate the boys sending me through updates despite the results being a little indifferent I do and always will miss it. Good to see a few of my prodigies doing well today!

A few observations and things I have learned over the past few days...

A few years back me and the boys on Sail Croatia met Nick, a self professed 'yellow fever' addict. While I can safely say I have never caught the bug, for those who read this and get a bit itchy at the thought of a petite Asian lady, this is the place for you! You will need money, and I mean real money, and a successful job to land one here - but if you're looking for the Golden package this is your place.

Asian men and women are NOT intimidated by anything. I am not a massive man, nor am I small. Over here I can be 3-4 times the size of someone. Not once, without exaggeration, have I been able to hold my line walking down the street. And I have tried. As has Kate. But every time we chicken out. Whether chasing Pokemon, updating Insta or choking back a Marlboro Red, they aren't moving.

Sentosa Island and beach are pretty amazing. I talked about getting the first burn out of the way the other day talking about getting used to street food. Well on Thursday I copped the first burn! But the pain has subsided and my skin colour is returning to its beautiful Mediterranean brown as opposed to hauntingly white. You basically have the water to yourself too. People from the region aren't what you would call water confident.

We continue to eat amazing food for cheap and are somehow in an expensive country keeping under our $100/day limit! While the food has been sensational going in, not the same can be said every time for going out! While we get more and more used to the idea of spices in our diet we've had to make a few emergency pit stops. My Indian experience had me rushing to the facilities. But sometimes there isn't always one in site or a suitable distance away. I leave it to Kate to tell her nature story at the Gardens by the Bay!!!

Christmas has come early to Singapore much to Kate's absolute delight. We have seen Christmas carols, Christmas trees and giant female Santa's. We have been to Christmas markets down at Marina Bay that provided so many free samples we have done two laps twice! There is only so many times I can pretend I will come back and buy a leg ham for Christmas Day when I leave the country in 2 days!!! On a side note for my boys back home I have tried again a number of samples of Tiger Raddler - much like we had in Croatia - very very good hopefully that gets shipped to a Dan's back home. Kate also was a massive fan of the elderflower Sommersby.

I did mention we were taking the satay challenge tho I have waited til tonight. I am going to ingest as many $0.70 satay sticks as I can fit. I fear it would be a bit less that a week ago. I can already feel the effects of being much healthier - which is obviously good but I don't want to let myself down tonight.

After writing this I am hopping in the shower to hand wash my jocks and socks which are running critically low due to the heat and the $12 tab to wash your clothes.

Kate has awoken from her nap and needs a snack and in fairness so do I.

Until next time, Mighty out

Blog 1 - Singapore

mighty10 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 20:26:00 GMT

So as most of you will know my wife Kate and I have left our jobs, left our pets, left after 4 rounds of cricket to spend 12 months travelling the world. We plan to see as many countries and places as we can on strict and tight budget which means street food, bunk beds, shared showers, back packs and walking. After 2013 apart from cheap food I promised myself I would never do any of those things again...but I couldn't think of anyone more perfect to do it with.

This blog is not an attempt to make money, nor is it a "must do" read. The intentions of this is to keep up with family and friends, share my observations and most importantly remember all the things I found funny. I will attempt to write here every 3-4 days, giving people an excuse to cut and paste into an important email you need to read, or give you something other than candy crush to play when you go 💩 please feel free to read if you want, or ignore if you don't care.

After an amazing Saturday night, some sad goodbyes, last minute packing and a restless sleep we were off to the airport. While there was the threat of some tears with the beautiful people who came to see us off, after I rushed Kate through the the big silver doors we were happy in the knowledge we would see them soon 😀

Never fly Scoot. While partially our fault - but 100% STAs fault for not booking us a meal - we spent the whole flight hangry 😡 it's not only the food tho, drinks, even water carry a very heavy price tag. While comfy enough and we were well prepared with our own entertainment , 8 hours without water is not good enough.

We are staying at the 5 Footway Inn in Chinatown. Great hostel, cleaner than I've ever been in and we somehow scored ourselves a private room - with bunk beds! I am in heaven, get a fantastic nights sleep and then hop downstairs for a cuddle in the morning. Free breakfast is free...that's about all but it's free and fits out budget.

It is so easy to get around here. The train system is exactly like the Tube and the streets are a concrete grid like Manhattan. You can just about walk everywhere and if you get tired - which you do due to sweating more than Doull during a run chase - the trains are awesome.

Food here is amazing. Chinatown is OK but if you come here go to La Pau Sat. So cheap, so filling, so delicious. Street food at its very best. Yes, I have spent 2 hours a day on the toilet, however in order to get a tan you need to get burnt at the start of the summer. That's my approach here. Guts will come good. We will be eating 90% of our meals there. There are other hawkers markets but when you find a winner! I am taking on the satay challenge tonight - Man vs Food style.

Speaking of tonight we have barely had a drink as alcohol is through the roof. Beer is sooooo expensive and female (or Chizel tax drinks) are non-existent. We have been recommended the Exchange tonight with features ladies night on Wednesday so Kate is excited about that.

This place is very clean, it has the Southeast Asia smell in the air but it's not as pungent as say a Thailand. We are just walking everywhere and if it's free we are in. Gardens, temples, malls and a man made beach Sentosa have been and will be on the menu over the coming days. It's crazy without being chaotic. Lots of expats, women and men dressed to the absolute 9s all the time. Haven't really met anyone yet but the people are nice and helpful. Pretty quiet hostel this one, more a bag drop and sleep one which for this week suits us perfect.

We are in the middle of monsoon season, but so far storms, and I mean ⛈⛈⛈ every night, but the days have been hot but perfect. Starting to burn through dry jocks and shirts but I'll be back to playing weight in no time so shirtless soon enough.

We will keep exploring and I will update as I go.

Until next time - Mighty Out