So this is a story that will be found hilarious PARTICULARLY by Casey Holycross.
There is a mushroom growing in our bathroom. Just up out of the floor in the middle of the bathroom. Not because it's not clean but because our house has apparently been cursed with a series of plagues. (There's an ant infestation downstairs as well).
Anyway, I recalled that when I was little I saw some anime cartoon on Nick Jr. where there were little fairy people and they wouldn't cross into the mushroom ring (or fairy ring) because if you do you will be cursed. We think our lone mushroom might be the start of a "fairy ring". After careful research on the ever-so-reliable Wikipedia (just kidding Librarian parents, breathe in and out, it's sarcasm) we think we have confirmed it is in fact the beginning of a fairy ring.
Apparently, one of the largest rings ever found is in France. Formed by Clitocybe geotropa, it is thought to be about 800 m in diameter and over 700 years old (Wiki, Wiki, 2008). (< a very well formed and proper citation). After a series of very scientific tests involving test tubes and petre dishes we found our mushroom is a Crito geographer or whatever too so we are planning to let ours grow and see if we can beat the record size. It will involve remodeling of the bathroom but we feel that Gracia will agree this is an important matter.
'European superstitions routinely warned against entering a fairy ring. French tradition reported that fairy rings were guarded by giant bug-eyed toads that cursed those who violated the circles' (Wiki, Wiki, 2008). This explains why there was a giant bug-eyed toad staring at me while I was brushing my teeth this morning.
In other parts of Europe they believe that entering a fairy ring resulted in the loss of an eye (Wiki, Wiki, 2008). This would be why Paris has been wearing an eye-patch since her morning shower.
It is believed in MANY countries that fairy rings are formed by the dancing of elves and fairies. Which explains away why we've heard music and laughter coming from the bathroom last night before our mushroom sprouted.
In Scotland, they believe fairies sit on the mushrooms and use them as dinnertables, and a Welsh woman claimed that fairies used the mushrooms as parasols and umbrellas (Wiki, Wiki, 2008). We live in Australia though and Aussie fairies aren't quiet so classy with their mushrooms. I think I saw a couple really fat fairies using our mushroom as a craps table out of the corner of my eye while I was showering.
In any case, most folk tales state that fairy rings are dangerous places that should be avoided. One tale says that if you cross into a fairy rin you will die at a young age. It doesn't say what would happen if you were already old when you crossed in, so let me know if you know. I was considering inviting the goat lady from the tram incident to come over and see our ring (or one shroom that is goign to become a ring). It also says that if murderers or theives cross into the ring they will be hanged so bring over some suspected convicts, put em in our shower, and we'll see if they are guilty. In any case, fairy rings are VERY dangerous so we're going to try and not shower for awhile.
I think the old Scottish rhyme sums up our predicament best:
He wha tills the fairies' green
Nae luck again shall hae :
And he wha spills the fairies' ring
Betide him want and wae.
For weirdless days and weary nights
Are his till his deein' day.
But he wha gaes by the fairy ring,
Nae dule nor pine shall see,
And he wha cleans the fairy ring
An easy death shall dee
(Wiki, Wiki, 2008)
The real doosey, the one that we think could imagine the Cross reading to us as he accessed the internets through his cell phone, in such a manner as 'from the hair AND UNDERBELLY of a rare Tibeten mountain goat' (or scarved tram driver??) Was that Dutch superstition claimed that the circles shows the place where the Devil sets his milk churn (Wiki, Wiki, 2008).
Doe, J (2008), 'Fairy Ringy', Wikipedia: the website of useful crap, vol. bull, no. 666, p. 8.
