9 weeks, 4 days to go
Today I received my Pilgrim Guide to Spain: Route 2 Camino Mozarabe (or the Via de la Plata) and now I've got butterflies in my stomach. Self doubt is swirling all around me. Dear God, is this the route I should be taking for my first time along the Camino? Where is the fear coming from? Key phrases such as, 'alone', 'good use of Spanish required' and 'very, very few public fountains' are really triggering me and I need to write myself down.
I'm travelling to Seville to start the Via de la Plata by myself in late April because it is to be a spiritual journey of healing and a path of self-discovery, especially of the barriers I harbour that keep me from authentic self love and forgiveness. I enjoy my own company, and don't want to feel distracted (chit chat) or restricted (speed, distance) by anyone else. I'm very resourceful and totally capable of walking the required 25kms/day, but do I want to cover that distance day after day almost completely alone for 6 or 7 weeks? In a country where I'll have only a minimal grasp of the language and, therefore, be at risk of feeling alone even when surrounded by the local people? Is this going to be healthy for me? Am I capable of total independence, or even desire that? And what if I injure myself out there alone? What if I run out of water and fall ill due to dehydration? What if I feel threatened by a man? So many "what if's".
I suppose fear, in this case, is natural and even healthy. But it's certainly NOT appreciated! I don't like second-guessing myself. I've got the flights booked, I've got the route planned, the insurance secured, the MEC shopping list planned. I know it's about being prepared. Heck, I was a Girl Guide for a short while and if there's anything that's drilled into one's head as a Girl Guide, it's all about being prepared! Take a camel bag for water. Carry a good first aid kit. Have a trusty walking stick. Continue with basic Spanish lessons on audio 3-4 days a week. Continue walking and strength training. Don't overpack! I can go as prepared as I can be and still won't be completely ready. That's life. It's bound to throw a curve-ball and it will come down to common sense, alertness, and a generous dose of humour! It's true, I could walk the vastly more populated and english-accomodating Camino Frances and feel much more secure about the whole excursion. But I'm not looking for just an excursion, I'm looking for an adventure! I'm looking to stretch myself! I have to trust my gut...I've dedicated myself to this route for a reason. It calls me for a reason. It won't last forever and I deserve to reach the goals I set for myself. Breathe deep. Be calm. I can do this.
