"hey i miss you already. is that too deep?"
"ha. yea. hold on."
...
so last night, against my better judgment, i went to a bar with a
guy i had just met. off the internet. because, you know, i was
looking for sex, and being so unpracticed at picking up prostitutes, i
just started surfing the net for date ads.
anyways, what started out as a way to buy a used dehumidifier ended
up being one of the worst social experiences of my life. but hey, i'm only in my twenties so there's still hope that this one can be topped. here
we go kids! :
so i meet this guy up because he's selling a dehumidifier and i need
one. once i get there though he tells me that his neighbor just called
and wants to buy it and uh, you don't want it anyways because it
doesn't have an adjustment knob and you'll wake up with a sore throat
blablabla. whatever man.
"hey what are you doing right now? i'm going to meet up a friend just down the street, you should come."
"um, i don't know. i have work tomorrow." (it's like 10pm at this point and i don't have work until the late afternoon.)
"c'mon! here, we'll just walk to it. i'll show you where it is, you don't even have to go in."
so against my better judgment i go and the guy ditches me with his
friend whom, apparently, he is trying to find a good woman for. this
friend is a dive instructor, in his late 30s, and pretty much has a
dream job taking rich people diving in exotic locations. oh yea, and
he's fucking 100% crazy. he's one of those - i know everything and
like to dish it out because if you can't take it you're not worth
talking to - types. so i sit back and watch the show because i
generally like to treat such people as circus freaks who are so out of
touch with reality that it becomes sort of entertaining in its level of
patheticness. as if to strengthen my argument, he invites me to a
weekend of diving off the southern coast of taiwan.
"i'll think about it."
"it's completely free, my clients are paying me [a lot of money] to do what you can do for free!"
yea mang, because money is my biggest worry at this point...
he then asks for my number which i don't give and asks me to
breakfast which i say no and asks me to dinner to which, again, i fall
back on 'i'll think about it'. he then leaves the bar and 15 minutes
later calls his friend who is still there and whom i'm talking to and
asks to speak to me.
"hey i miss you already. is that too deep?"
"ha. yea. hold on."
and i pass the phone right back.
...
so ah, please excuse me as i shave my head and enter a monastery.
