"Hey i miss you already. Is that too deep?"

juli29 — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:09:00 GMT

"hey i miss you already. is that too deep?"
"ha. yea. hold on."

...

so last night, against my better judgment, i went to a bar with a guy i had just met. off the internet. because, you know, i was looking for sex, and being so unpracticed at picking up prostitutes, i just started surfing the net for date ads.

anyways, what started out as a way to buy a used dehumidifier ended up being one of the worst social experiences of my life. but hey, i'm only in my twenties so there's still hope that this one can be topped. here we go kids! :

so i meet this guy up because he's selling a dehumidifier and i need one. once i get there though he tells me that his neighbor just called and wants to buy it and uh, you don't want it anyways because it doesn't have an adjustment knob and you'll wake up with a sore throat blablabla. whatever man.

"hey what are you doing right now? i'm going to meet up a friend just down the street, you should come."

"um, i don't know. i have work tomorrow." (it's like 10pm at this point and i don't have work until the late afternoon.)

"c'mon! here, we'll just walk to it. i'll show you where it is, you don't even have to go in."

so against my better judgment i go and the guy ditches me with his friend whom, apparently, he is trying to find a good woman for. this friend is a dive instructor, in his late 30s, and pretty much has a dream job taking rich people diving in exotic locations. oh yea, and he's fucking 100% crazy. he's one of those - i know everything and like to dish it out because if you can't take it you're not worth talking to - types. so i sit back and watch the show because i generally like to treat such people as circus freaks who are so out of touch with reality that it becomes sort of entertaining in its level of patheticness. as if to strengthen my argument, he invites me to a weekend of diving off the southern coast of taiwan.

"i'll think about it."

"it's completely free, my clients are paying me [a lot of money] to do what you can do for free!"

yea mang, because money is my biggest worry at this point...

he then asks for my number which i don't give and asks me to breakfast which i say no and asks me to dinner to which, again, i fall back on 'i'll think about it'. he then leaves the bar and 15 minutes later calls his friend who is still there and whom i'm talking to and asks to speak to me.

"hey i miss you already. is that too deep?"

"ha. yea. hold on."

and i pass the phone right back.

...

so ah, please excuse me as i shave my head and enter a monastery.

Beitou Hot Springs

juli29 — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:37:00 GMT

A person can’t visit the beautiful island of Taiwan without hearing about the legendary health benefits received from soaking in the hot springs situated throughout the land. It was during the Japanese occupation between 1895 and 1945 that these hot springs truly became popular and developed into the famous destinations for respite they are today.

Having decided late yesterday afternoon to visit the springs in Beitou, an hour north of Taipei city, I wake up early this morning to plan out the logistics of my daytrip. I have two options: 1) I can go to a luxury resort and pay to soak in community pools in which the hot spring water is pumped into or 2) I can go to one of the last remaining traditional public baths available to the locals. Concerning option 1, the cleanliness is questionable and rumored to 'recycle' old bath water. But in option 2, it's required nudity. After a bit of hesitation, I talk myself into option 2 and ultimately decide that I have a bigger problem with a lack of sanitation than a lack of clothing. After a 45 minute subway ride, a 10 minute bus ride, and a short hike to the hot spring, I arrive.

I am halfway across the bridge to the public baths when I hear a frantic man calling me. I look to my right and see a half naked male octogenarian emphatically shooing me away. Oh. Wrong bridge. I step in reverse and soon, find myself in the ladies bath. But I can't bring myself to get past the doorway. Hit by shock, I am initially paralyzed the moment I see every woman is naked. I mean, I read about it beforehand, and I knew about it beforehand, but that's still very different from being greeted by the visual onslaught of unabashed body parts.

Forgive me, but I’m American. Accordingly, I have a very real discomfort with nudity. Unless it's in the shower or in the bedroom, it's not meant to be available for viewing. So, I backpedal, head up a little ways and stumble upon a local shrine. I light incense and pray. Please, some assistance. It's just the human form. I'm not scared. Thank you. When I finish, I place the incense at the front of the shrine and turn around. A kitten is staring straight at me and I follow it back down the walkway to the ladies' bath. At the doorway, I meet a woman going in at the same time as I. Somehow, entering with another is much more comforting than going alone.

I feel a bit nervous about stripping down in front of a bunch of strangers but all of them are old, already naked, and not models so it's really not as bad as I’m making it out to be. I wash up and dip my legs into the pool. The water is hotter than holy hell and stings like a million angry ex-lovers. I start rubbing my calves to help with the pain when I hear, "no scrubbing!"
"But it's too hot."
"Just go in slowly and don't move around. It only feels hot when you move."

Surprise, surprise. Granny knows a bit or two. And honestly, it really does only sting when I move. I plan to soak for 20 minutes (the recommended safe amount of time) but after five measly minutes I find myself climbing back out. I’m dizzy. My heart rate is frenetic. And I can barely breathe.

How these grandmas do it is beyond me.

Ten minutes sitting outside puts my heart rate back at manageable, although still faster than normal. Five in. Ten out. Three in. Fifteen out. And it takes another 30 for my heart to stop trying to fly out of my chest and 120 for the red splotches to disappear from my skin. But when I’m done, I feel utterly fantastic. I’m relaxed, my skin is phenomenally dewy, and I feel like a kid dressed up as Superman for Halloween. I’m amazed at how good I feel.

I step out the door and see my feline attendant who promptly turns to lead me out.

Jules in Transit

"Hey i miss you already. Is that too deep?"

Beitou Hot Springs