Peru

I have now been in Peru for a little more than 6 months.  And, I am going through my 4th round of friends.

First:  The friend of my friend’s husband.  So sweet and kind.  But really we spent time together because it felt obligatory when I arrived.  Lasted about 2 weeks.  At this time I was also living with the husband’s family near the airport and far from the center.  So, as you can imagine, I relied on this guy to take me around Cusco and show me things since I didn’t have access to them living so far away.

Second:  The cousin and his friends of my friend from college.  These guys were NOT my type.   They drank, smoked and were major coke heads.  They went dancing until 5 every night and when they came home they had another white girl on their arm.  The reason I got into this mess was because one of them was dating my now very good friend, still don’t understand this one and living with the cousin of my good friend from home.  And, they were all going away for 3 weeks so they offered to let me stay in their home.  2 reasons: it’s a very Peruvian thing to do, extend yourself to someone and 2.  Their apartment was just robbed and it would be better for them if someone stayed there for extra protection.  I did that for 3 weeks and when they returned it was miserable.  I needed to get out of there ASAP.  I think I wrote about it.

Third:  Moved into my current apartment and brought with me 4 Americans, even though there were only 3 rooms.  One girl who lived in my bed for 2 weeks and 3 guys who shared 2 rooms for a month a half.  At this time Hector also came into my life and I was smitten by him, his family and his culture.  We spent every day together and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Fourth:  Hector and I returned from Argentina on separate brain waves.  I went from every day of my life being occupied to realizing that I was really quite dependent on him for no good reason since I have survived on my own BH.  We texted 4-5 times a day, saw each other every day and danced together almost every night.  I was in for a big change.  First, seeking new friends.  This came quite easy to my surprise.  I was sickened by the fact that I lost hector but understand now that its for the best (a later post will talk about this; I didn’t want them but im glad to have had them).  Especially after my current friends have had run-ins with him and are shocked that I even put up with him for that long.  As a result I met:

1.    Natalia, South African Jew who I dance with 3 times a week, go to Pisac with to enjoy the Olympic sized pool in the middle of the mountains and then picnic in the sun until she burns (I’m in the shade of course);

2.    Macarla who is my new Australian roommate who I meet at her boyfriends bar to watch the World Cup with and also do ex-pat things with; she is also the one chic here who i have “deep” conversations with and we can be totally honest with each other and she’s  a slight bitch so we get along swimmingly (does that even make sense in this context.. “swimmingly”?)

3.    Rhiana who is back in the picture only for 3 more weeks before she goes back to Canada.  She was out for awhile when she too was preoccupied by the minute with her boyfriend but now realizes she needs to expand a bit especially if she plans on returning and building a life for herself here.  But then again.. when she tries to make girlfriends, he Cusquenian boyfriend seems to tie the knot a little stronger and she ends up cancelling every plan she ever makes.. so I think she is out.

4.    Christina is from Lima.  She and I hang out maybe every other week just to shoot the shit.  We also work together and her routine is hanging out til 5 in the morning listening to live music.  So, if I ever need to not see Hector or NOT dance, I join her. 

5.    Suzanne and I have become more friendly but we wouldn’t call each other friends.  She is young and from England and works with me.  I usually meet her on a Sunday for a stroll around cusco and to buy food for the following week.  Its also important for us since we bash some other people we work with so we are able to let off steam.

Then there are the guys that are always on shaky ground since they waver between wanting to be your “friend” then your “lover” then getting fed up because you have not passed “friend” status

1.    Neto is from Cusco and a dancer at myth.  I have always seen him but never danced with him.  He is great fun to watch and I had Natalia introduce me to him after hector and I stopped talking.  He immediately asked me to dinner at which I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship.  He laughed and understood my concern since every guy who dances slasa in the center is looking for loving.  Since then we have gone for dinner and watched a movie and he is taking me to my first soccor game.  We text before going dancing and he hates Hector.  ( I know its childish, but that makes me feel good J  )

2.    John.  John does not seem to be my friend any longer.  He is actually from the states and I have always had this feeling he was interested in me since 4 days after he met me he kept sending me these “silly  and light-hearted” text messages that went something like this:  “sorry if im stalking you”.  Since then I backed away and then we became close again as I was going through my Hector thing and was able to share with him that I was NOT INTERESTED in dating ANYone.  He seemed to get the picture until he went to Arequipa for 3 days and returned with 3 books and a box of chocolates for me.  He also said he fell in love with Arequipa but is staying here for me.  That was too much for me and I know I should have said something but instead I just didn’t want to deal especially sicne I was going through all these other changes, so I pulled back and didn’t call him for a week.  When I did finally pick up the phone he politely and indirectly told me to fuck off.  I guess I deserve that.  (btw, a week later he got over it and we are friends again.. men, gotta love it)

3.    Beto is from Lima and took over for the manager at the hostal next to my apartment.  We became instant friends since I am always there using the internet and he likes to dance.  Not more on that front right now.  Hopefully it stays just as is. (update: I go to the hostal almost every evening for a movie and a nap before dancing.  We talk and joke around… and he is still a friend and again, im hoping it stay that way!  Ive made several comments that I am not interested in anyone or anything here and I think he understands and just wants a good friend too..fingers crossed)

4.    Lawrence the jew from the states.  His family left Thursday so now I am invited to join him on all his adventures.  He bikes, hikes and goes to shady saunas with me.. so he is totally whacky and fun to have around and I KNOW it will only be friends… Im also moving into his apartment and reading all his books.  I soak them up every other day!

5.    Terrence Miguel is my sculpture teacher from Arequipa and his wife, Liz is from the Jungle.  I spend 2 nights a week there with them, their daughter and his father and we just shoot the shit and we carve and sculpt.  It really is one of the most therapeutic things I have done for myself in ages.  On sculpture number 2, for the brother and his fiancée as a wedding present and wont let him touch it.  Last time he did half of my turtle in the teaching process.  We will also be doing a sculpture in marble, woohoo!

6.    Amilcar is one of the first people I met here.  Also from Arequipa (they are a different breed there, amazing).  I met him because I found a Vipassana group and he was the contact.  He had done 14 Vipassana courses and is the nicest guy around.  Unfortunately he also turned out to be Hector’s best friend.  (later found out that its his best friend in the “salsa community” but Amilcar knows better to have those best friend trump his real best friends since that community is WHACKED)

7.    Franchesco – Franchesco is one of the older and the best dancer in the salsa community.  He recently opened his own dance club (no smoking) so after dancing at myth or ink (which only has salsa until 11:15), everyone goes to his club to dance the rest of the night.  I knew Fran since the beginning and he chose not to speak with me, fine.  After he saw that Hector and I weren’t attached at the hips he began to ask me to dance and offer me drinks (no thanks.)  anyway, last weekend he pulled me aside and we had this conversation:

a.    F: “I really like you.  You are beautiful.  If I was to take you out for a nice dinner and drinks in a few weeks, would I have a chance?”

b.   J: considering (really wasting time pretending to think) “no, sorry”

c.    F: “why not?”

d.   J: “already tried with someone in the salsa scene and now its just awkward and uncomfortable around him and im here to dance.. not to have a relationship”

e.    F: “that’s not a good reason”

f.     J: “its my reason… but I can give you another.  I don’t want to date anyone who is on coke and drunk all the time”

g.    F: “I can stop for you”

h.   J: ‘”I don’t want you to stop for me.  If you stop, it needs to be for you”

i.      F: “but I need someone to get my life together”

j.      J: “that’s not me anymore.. I did that in the past.. I don’t want to save anyone, I can barely take care of myself right now”

k.    He said fine and asked me because he didn’t want to assume anything or take anything for granted and now that he knows he wont ask again… although… the following night when I went there (and I will continue to go there) he told me I was getting fat and to fuck off when I wanted to leave early (men here take everything very personally).  The next night he didn’t remember anything because as I said he is on coke and always drunk and everything was fine.  What I have learned about this scene.  Go with a big smile on your face and leave before anyone has a chance to take that smile off.  What a life J

But what really is the point of all this mumbo jumbo?

Everytime I begin to feel a bit comfortable here, my entire life changes.  It feels as though it is never ending while I really understand that it is a weeding out process of both others and myself.  I have always heard it takes a good 2 years to get “comfortable” somewhere and build a friendship base.  I have friends, yes, but its not a foundation.  They are all also moving around all the time and so this cycle will inevitably continue.  Almost everyone I mentioned above is leaving by August, which means upon my return I will have to begin all over, yet again.

Emotionally, my experience has been one for the thrill seekers.  Up one day, sideways the next with a few belly-up dirt rollers thrown in.  I feel unstable most of the time and I am finally developing a routine for myself.  (which, has been interrupted by 2 grown men on bicycles –House Guests, NOT MINE– and lack of water My discovery channel experiment)  and has totally thrown me for a loop and brought out the worst in me.  The time apart from Hector (now I have had 7 days to do things for myself) has proven to be blessing and a curse.  I am now actually able to go out and meet new people and do new things.  But, there is something to be said to have someone you can call when you are having a bad day or something really terrific and weird happened to you.  Actually, that says everything.  And not having that has been difficult.  My “girlfriends” all say that I can call them.  But things are different here in Peru.  When you have a man, (or a man has a you) they become your sole life support and every moment is entangled with the other.  Not in a “they are so cute” type of way.  But more like in a “he/she is mine and I will make sure of that by supervising everything he/she does.”

That is why even when I go dancing and have not spoken to hector for over 2 weeks, when he saw me dancing with Beto, a newbie to the salsa scene and good-looking (although not my type), he immediately asked me to dance and continued dancing with me throughout the night.  Even though he doesn’t want to be my friend, he doesn’t want me to be with anyone else either.  Yes, Felix Festa, here I come.  Quite pathetic really, but also I know its for the best.  But whats for the best is NEVER easy.

I feel like im not even getting to the niddy griddy of anything but its 3:45 AM, couldn’t sleep because once again I have constipated diarrhea (not an oxymoron in Peru) and im dreading waking up to my roommates houseguests AGAIN.  Want my life to go back to normal for whatever that normal is here.  Normal in my Cusco:  freezing myself to sleep, (although I just got a water heater thingy which has proven to be life saving) cold showers if there is any water, abundant supply of toilet paper which does not get flushed down the toilet, heating up my clothes with the electric heater before putting them on so my body can thaw out, 30 minutes of yoga in the morning followed by a mad dash to the kitchen to make 2 lunches to hold me over until I return home after 5 (no food near the school) and then smushing into two combis during my 40 minute commute; then hopping back on the combi and complaining about the day to the other English speakers. Going to sculpture, massage, sauna, dinner, etc.  Napping for 2 hours,  going out dancing for 3 and then returning to my freezing apartment with my layers, scarf, gloves and hat as I crawl into bed hoping to feel my toes once again.  I want my normal back.