Peru

January 20th.  I met some interesting people here who I have been spending most of my days with.  They are locals which made me believe that this would help me create some sense of stability.  Most other people come and go from Cusco in 2-3 days and have nothing to offer other than stories about their travels to Machu Pichu.  Then today I realized that they are leaving and some have already left and the safety net i came with has been swept from underneath me.  Although ive only been here a week, i created this false sense of security with these people i have only known for a few days, great days.  Now, starting over, I am more weary about my reason for being here.  Many things have come up for me over the past few days including not feeling comfortable in the apartment where I am staying, feeling cold all the time and well, most heart wrenching, not hearing from my ex on my birthday when he wrote to my mother the day before.  my world has been shaken up and i have to reassess myself in myself.  im not questioning where i am as much as how im using my own strength, courage and love for life to move forward and learn more about who i am and how to survive.  

i feel extremely lonely and with no direction.  (not that that is a new feeling for me!! :)) but for some reason, it still feels right here, for right now.  when that changes, i will change too.  but i am able to feel here, and i need to learn how to develop that strength so i can guide myself with these feelings.

I just received an amazing email from a woman i wrote to before i left.  i didnt know her but i asked her advice.  and this is what she wrote me back, a month later: