Well i finally did it, i took the plunge, left Sydney and all the crap
that goes with it. After just spending a week away, i cant believe that
i spent so long wasting my time in a place that i didn't ever belong or
with people that i have nothing in common with. I think there are only
a few people i actually ever connected with. I guess i was going about
things all wrong. I got into a drinking cycle culture that the only
thing that everyone had in common was the fact that they all drank.
When i stopped drinking i found myself alienated from the pack. As long
as i hung around Sydney i would have been stuck in a constant cycle of
getting off face all the time or being rejected by my 'friends' for
being different. The monkeys have a way of outcasting those that are
different (monkey being a mental construct i have created to explain
the difference between ones true analytical state and their reactive
and primitive self... Usually brought upon by drinking).
So I'm
kind of on a 'mission' of sorts to find 'my' people. I know we are out
there, but are few and far between. I don't even know where to start
looking, and i think that we all are in the same struggle to find our
own kind. For years i thought that i was alone in this world and that i
was the strange one. What i couldn't get was that no one else 'got' the
same things that i did. I always knew that i was more intelligent that
most, but it never got me anywhere. Sure i was more capable than most,
but i still had to be told what to do by middle management or stupid
teachers. And when i was excelling at anything (which was usually
everything) everyone else would be threatened and try to knock me down.
Intelligence
though isn't what sets us apart. I only know a handful of people who
are 'my' people. We all have the same things in common and can
recognize one another without much dialog, its like we are able to
communicate on a whole different level. Its actually as if we exist in
a different dimension to the rest of the human drones that we have to
fill our lives with to survive. We have this sense of self that
confuses and intimidates people. Our motives and motivations are their
reverse. Where we want to cooperate, they want to compete. Where we
have compassion, they have contempt. They are motivated by fear and
anger, we are motivated by love and empathy. And for this reason we are
alienated by default, they will never understand us and although we
understand them we can never coexist. We can try but it will never get
the desired result because we are trying to exist in their world not in
ours.
We have a higher understanding of things.
So
thats why im living with dad. He and i recognize that we are different
from the rest of the pack. We have been trying to define what it is
that made us different and have spent quite a few years trying to
figure us out. We both have met 'others' like us over the years and
have the strongest bond with our people. Our mission is to just find
people that we have a true and deep connection with. And help them
connect with their own kind.
As time goes by and i become
somewhat more aware of the people i see, i can notice the types of
things that we do and achieve in our lives. Throughout history our
people have made some kind of impact on the world. This all may sound a
little self involved to the common ear but i think on some level you
have always, as i have, sensed it also. We are the great writers, the
great thinkers, inventors, missionaries, artists, directors etc. Always
have we been out casted from 'normal' societies.
In knowing that
things for us are different, it still is no help. All i know it is not
for me to live a nine to five lifestyle. A lifestyle that is governed
by the likes of a greedy race of men who pride money and power over...
hang on, this sounds really cliche' and corny and anti establishment...
ill stop there. You get where im coming from.
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