1/3/14
It's been so long since I've written in this that I feel compelled to write something. I'm sorry to all of those following me that I haven't written sooner, but these last few weeks have been crazy, as I'm sure they have been for many of you as well.
It feels like when a lot of people share their travel experiences they always tell about the good. The amazing things that they have done or the crazy things that they have seen. Since I've written last a lot has happened, the holidays have been tough, there's been good and bad.
I heard from really good people that Raglan, on the west coast, was a great place to come and spend some time and since I didn't have any plans for Christmas or New Years I thought I would go and check it out. Before I left Rex and Jo's place I had setup a WWOOFing spot in Raglan. It was with a family just outside of Raglan and we agreed that it would be for a short time because they wanted to have Christmas by themselves, just the family. So I had five days from the day I arrived in Raglan until I had to find another place to stay, I figured from what I had heard that I would meet some good people in Raglan that might take me in no problem. I could crash on a couch or in a back yard and meet some good people to spend Christmas with. Time with Katy, Ian and their son Jackson was great. They were really forward thinking people and to see the home that Ian had built was truly impressive. I spent a few days getting their garden ready for planting and spending some time looking for places to go. I soon found out that Raglan goes from a town of about three thousand to a town of about twelve or fifteen thousand during the holiday season of Christmas and New Years. So as my time at Katy and Ian's grew closer and closer to Christmas Eve I began to realize that finding a place would be hard to do. Not only were hostels and backpackers booked up, but I also found that many of the locals grew a certain kind of coldness. I got a sense of how cool Raglan was for most of the year, but due to the massive amount of travelers that came here for holiday many of the locals grew a polite barrier that I found really hard to penetrate. Finally on December 22 I had a conversation with Ian. He knew that I really had no place to stay but he had to be honest to himself and his family and say that I had to be out by the 24th. At first this seemed really cold, kicking someone out two days before Christmas, in retrospect I think it was probably pretty difficult for Ian to make that call, but I very much respect him for it. He lit a fire under my ass to find a new place to stay. I began making calls and traveling to backpackers in the area. I eventually came to Solscape. They were fully booked up but after I convinced them that my tent was very small, and that I would be willing to WWOOF they gave me a spot in the back. So now I had a home for Christmas.
It is very interesting being a traveler on Christmas. I was finally with other travelers so we were with each other for the holidays but although we were all in the same boat it was hard for anyone to become very close, because many of us would be moving on in a week or so. Christmas eve was merry, and Christmas day was nice, the whole experience was unique but it didn't feel very special. It's summer here. There's no hot chocolate or Christmas lights, no Christmas music on the radio. It didn't really feel like Christmas this year. I think another thing that made this hard was knowing that so many people had a place, had family, had friends that they were spending time with and making the day special. Despite this feeling I did get to go surfing twice on Christmas day :) I suppose the thing I really missed most about Christmas was having someone close to spend it with. Just having someone that you could really share the experience with deeply.
New years was tough too. I am on a pretty tight budget so I could not afford to go out on the town for new years. Pretty much everyone from Solscape went into town new years eve and partied, watched fire works and got wild, I missed out on this experience. Part of me is okay with this because I got up the next morning and saw some of the greatest surfing I think I will ever see and I know what getting wasted on New Years is like, and I would have spent at least 50 to 75 dollars that night, but its still tough to see so many people going out and sharing deep experience and missing out on that. I felt very lonely this holiday season....
Ha, but as I write this I see the lesson in all of that. I will never again take for granted spending the holidays with friends and loved ones, because now I know what It's like to be without.
My New Years resolution this year is to be more compassionate to myself and to others. To not get down on myself for feeling down. To just take experience as it comes and to not get caught in the rut of loneliness or sadness, because it will pass, and if you really take a deep breath there is beauty all around you, things to be grateful for every moment.
Since these last few weeks have been so crazy, and my food and shelter was not guaranteed I've fallen out of my Yoga and Meditation practice (which seems like the most necessary time to continue the practice). This certainly exacerbated my rut. :) Things are all good now though. The holidays have passed, and the tourists are starting to go back home. The locals here are starting to warm up and see that I plan to stay a bit and that my intentions are much more than just coming here to surf and get tan. I have been doing more work for Solscape and have started to really bond with some of the staff. It's been nice weather lately too. I feel like Solscape has given me the space to process some of the profound lessons I've taken on in the last month or so. I've been doing yoga each morning and meditating twice a day. It's been great to take some time and get some perspective on my experience, good and bad, to see that it's not necessarily good and bad, that these are just distinctions that I give it. It's simply experience, it's phenomenon, it's only my perspective that changes. Only my perspective that makes it good or bad, it's my expectation of an experience to be a certain way that makes that experience seem good or bad. So to engage in the practice of removing my expectation and simply Being with what Is, Being Fully Present in the moment of each experience. I will inevitably go through ups and downs again in life but maybe next time I will be able to be more aware of them, to observe them rather than to identify with them and get caught up by them.
Sure the holidays this year were tough, but retrospectively, I Love the tough stuff! Because that's where you learn the most about yourself and the world. :)
Lots of Love, and I'll be in touch. :)
Joe
