About a month ago, I had no plans to leave Australia, and Thailand wasn't exactly beckoning. The travel bug had laid dormant for over a year and my life was looking relatively boring and uneventful, with the wild excitement and massive goal being starting uni... Whoopee. So basically the entire decision to escape on a luxury Thai adventure was extremely spontaneous (and extremely un-like me) but that's what you're meant to do on your gap year (/gap life) right? Do crazy shit.
As we are sitting on the budget airline in our budget seats with the budget seatbelt I'm not 500% sure that I trust (especially after not being allowed to go to the toilet for 30 minutes because the turbulence was so bad - FYI turbulence isn't fun with a full bladder) I'm beginning to think this is/I am bat-shit crazy. But I'm in too deep to back out now so hopefully it's bat-shit crazy in a positive way.
Besides, I've planned the hell out of this holiday (again, totes not my thing) so honestly if anything goes wrong then I'm gonna flip my shit. Even though I'm completely prepared for literally everything to go wrong (our travel insurance actually covers hijacking - you're welcome mum) and have approximately 10 safe hidden places for emergency money and even a fake wallet to hand over if (when) we get mugged in some dirty Thai alley. I've hand written itineraries and printed tickets and made a travel folder, photocopied passports, confirmed and reconfirmed accommodation, left details with my parents, confirmed and reconfirmed transfers and accommodation, contacted the bank... please tell me what I've forgotten? I think you get the picture that I am super organised and I kind of wanted to brag just a little bit about what a savvy traveller I am. Hint hint take me with you on your next holiday (for free cos I'm pretty broke right now)... Preferably Europe, or South America. Will settle for Canada or Japan also. My email is jadedempsey96@gmail.com send me our itinerary. Thanks.
I think the epitome of my travel preparedness however is my most recent and proudest, most adult purchase. Judge me if you will, but I got myself a bum bag. Ain't no theif gettin' to my passport or cashola. I'm so paranoid that I even have a money belt to put under my bum bag. Too far? YOLO. So safety first because I don't want my only life to be a broke one. Oh, I also forgot to mention that I got a selfie stick too. Holaaaaa tourist!
So because Jake and I are poor uni students (Oh lol I forgot to introduce the bae, yes hi hello this is Jake the bf/partner in crime/travel companion/novice explorer/hard partier/potato) we got literally the cheapest flights our babe Tash (sickest travel agent ever from STA, go hit her up) could find - she was so cute and texted me like every 10 minutes when she found a cheaper flight or deal, we love Tash. We're on Scoot, which is Air Asia's dodge Jetstar-esque line, and the level of excitement I had over the price is in complete proportion to the level of disappointment I felt when we actually got on the plane. We are on a 7+ hour flight with NO TVS. WHAT DA FUARK. And you always get free food on international flights right? WRONG! Don't tell me I have to pay for my lil dehydrated meal with a salad n desert n crackers n other weird shit that you don't touch because it's foreign and strange. (Update: They told me, and yes. You have to pay). Let's just not talk about the free alcohol. We aren't allowed to mention it. I adamantly told Jake we could get drunk on the plane for free and I feel like I have never betrayed him so much. We are devastated, but hopefully we can move past this obstacle between us. Pray for us.
We are like 2 hours in and I'm so hungry. If you know me, you know what I'm like when I'm hungry/hangry. If you hear about the Hulk crashing a plane somewhere in Indonesia, you will know it was me. I actually need to stop making jokes about the plane crashing because I've made a damn lot and we're in Asia and there is no wood to touch to be safe because we are in a plane - (insert wood innuendo here).
Another fun thing I'm gonna share with you whether you care or not is that Scoot haven't got the memo that you need to turn your phones onto Airplane mode when you're on an airplane. They have wifi on the plane. WIFI ON THE GODDAMN PLANE. I don't know how this even works because like, we are in the air, v high, and in a plane. I'm pretty tempted to use it though - refer the lack of TV situation - but also pretty dubious. Also, you have to pay and I don't know if it's worth. Jake stole my kindle (at least he appreciates my over-preparation) so I've got my Cosmo mag which Jake is absolutely appalled about and gives me the most disgusted look whenever I show him anything (FYI great article on shower sex and also a special section on "Game of Moans" ) so we can see how we go for the following 5-6 hours.
They just announced that the food trolley is coming around. Gotta go get my $20 packet of pringles, woohoo! We might be able to avoid the Hulk sitch after all, fingers crossed. Bon appettit!
Update: I wrote that last statement at 10.29. It's currently 11.58 and I am still foodless. Rip.
