J-Baes explore Thailand

Lazy Sunday

jadesjourney — Mon, 6 Jul 2015 17:37:00 GMT

So there is beach yoga on Fridays and Sundays which I was hell keen to do (especially after our intense bike ride yesterday) which started at 8. Unfortunately, as it was Sunday and we were pooped (disclaimer: no more incidents of Bali Belly have occurred - touch wood) it was already past 8 when we went down for breakfast. I didn't feel quite so bad though because it was raining and miserable and I really wasn't feeling like doing a downward dog on a raging, stormy beach. So instead of being zen and healthy, I got waffles and thai coffee (condensed milk and espresso - oh lordy I'm in love).

The waffles were super cool, they had a big bowl of the batter and a waffle iron which you poured your batter into and cooked it yourself. I got blueberry coulis on one and strawberry on the other, and artistically decked them out with melted chocolate, which the waitresses were super impressed with and even gave me a clap. Then I totally destroyed them, they were the greatest waffles ever. So fresh n crispy mmmmmm. We tried the Thai coffees and tea, which is made traditionally... with condensed milk. It was super sweet but the coffee flavours came through so beautifully, and it was thicker as well, and more of a caramel colour. The tea was... bright orange. Not many people have tried matcha tea, but I highly recommend it (Izba sells it - promo promo promo - we are hell cool and make good coffee, near Matilda in Currimundi or Lake Kawana Boulevard near Youi). That's what the thai tea tastes like, but it was thicker and sweeter because of the condensed milk. The colour put me off at first but then I went back for a second cup... new favourite drink. Unfortunately they don't have it here everyday so I am heartbroken and devastated. Can you bring tea through customs? I need more of it in my life - apparently it's pretty good for you too, antioxidant wise.

After breakfast we collected all of the brochures and touristy magazines we could find and searched for the coolest (but cost effective) things we could do during our stay in this beautiful country. We were both super hot and bothered by the time we decided, and went over to the reception desk and booked in a full day of elephant adventuring on Tuesday. We get picked up, go for an hour jungle trek on the elephants after being introduced and meeting them, then we get to feel them, get pictures and then the part I'm most excited about - bathing them! Apparently the elephants absolutely love it and it's an awesome bonding time with them. After that we get another trek (on foot - bye bye elephants) to a jungle shower - a fresh water waterfall that the locals use as like a bathing hole. Should be awesome. Then we are greeted by locals who take us down the river on traditional bamboo rafts, hopefully we get to see wild monkeys and other cool wildlife. Then they feed us and send us on our merry way. We can't wait!

On Thursday we booked another full day activity - a trip to James Bond Island! They come and get us early and we drive about an hour then get a ferry across to the white sandy beaches where we can snorkel, swim and relax. Then later we go sea kayaking through the river mouth with breathtaking cliffs and scenery, then get paddled into a cave which opens up into a massive underground temple. The photos in the brochure look awesome, I can't wait to take our own and share them with you all. It all feels so surreal.

We also found something in one of the brochures we were both super keen to do, a Phuket party tour. We get picked up late afternoon from our hotel, and are driven to Phuket where we go to all the best bars and clubs and get shown the cool local haunts, then get home at 1am. We were so excited, but there were no nights that suited us because we are only here until Thursday and we don't want to be too tired to ride the elephants because we partied too hard. We do have a night in Phuket on Thursday so I guess we will just do our own thing and find the good clubs ourselves (then be ultra hungover on the plane home - you're welcome Ollie...)

We decided to get the free shuttle bus to the town where we could shop, go to the markets and get cool souvenirs. First of all, we got the time wrong so we missed the first one, and didn't realise that you had to book so we put our names down for the second and hung around the pool for a while until it came. Turns out the lady at the front desk made a mistake, and put our names down when it was already booked out, so we missed out on that as well! The drivers and concierge people were totally stressing, and were so relieved when we said it was fine, and that we would just go tomorrow. We're such angels. So that kind of sucked but by this time it was our favourite time of day - happy hour!

I got my $4 pina colada, thank you very much, and Jake chose some other girly looking drink - this seems to be a trend ("The girly ones taste better!"). Because neither of us had ever tried a Bloody Mary before, we decided to get one and have a taste, and share it. It came out, thick and tomatoey with a bottle of Worcester sauce and tabasco. So, so wrong. We both had a sip and nearly vommed, and had to chug our delicious sweet cocktails to get the taste of chilli and tomato and celery out of our mouths. It was so awful. I no longer trust all alcoholic drinks to be delicious, Bloody Marys have ruined my relationship with cocktails. RIP. For our second round Jake's came in coconut and was delish, tropical and surprisingly coconuty, while I got an awesome 3-shot shot-glass called a blue eyed blonde. There was a banana liqueur as the base, blue Curacao and then Baileys on the top. So good! The waiter must have been trying to get me drunk because he offered me another pina colada with 5 minutes to go of happy hour, which I gladly accepted. Being now sufficiently intoxicated, we were determined to finish the Bloody Mary (you can't waste alcohol! No matter how bad it tastes - slogan of Mishka vodka and Golden Oak). I skulled as much as I could and almost vommed, then Jake the "champion" took the credit and finished it (there was waaaaay less than half when he started).

We watched the discovery channel and other random things on TV as we pigged out on Pringles and shocked each other over how drunk we were. Then we watched my baby husband (Taylor Lautner) in Shark Boy and Lava Girl and relived our childhood. It was wonderful. We watched the end of Need for Speed afterwards, and we (I) passed out without dinner. I woke up at 11pm and the TV was on so I watched Planet of the Apes because the remote was nowhere to be seen. I eventually found it, went back to sleep, and that was our lazy Sunday.

Monkeys and Bikes and Falls - Oh My!

jadesjourney — Sun, 5 Jul 2015 13:45:00 GMT

The tranquil sounds of the blaring alarm woke us, fully rested, bright faced and excitedly ready for a new day of adventure (this is all a blatant lie). As we rolled out of bed just past 6am (missed the sunrise at 6.12am, dang) we gorged ourselves once again on the ridiculous spread of breakfast. I got my eggs scrambled right in front of me with cheese, and a smiling (with all teeth) man brought them over to our table. Saaah delish. We stuffed the last morsels and drained our freshly made (by us) smoothies just before 8am, when we moseyed over to the reception desk to try and sort out our bike ride. I definitely asked for the waterfall tour, which they explicitly state begins at 1pm. BUT they booked us in for 8am, which is the time of the bike tour to the local fruit markets. After we thoroughly confused the two people at the counter who had very limited english (but still did their best and tried ridiculously hard to understand and help us) the bike tour guide came over and explained to us - in near perfect english - that we would be going to the waterfall with 2 other people at 8am. So we were set!

It cost just over $20 for the ride which went over 4 hours, and we saw so many amazing things. The guide was awesome, he's our new best friend and knew everything about everything and answered all of our questions perfectly. He introduced himself as Dn. (That's the only was I can think of spelling it, because we asked if it was Dan or Don and he said no, and made a noise that sounded pretty much like dnnnn). Dn took us down, picked out bikes that would be suited for us and adjusted them so they were 100% right and comfortable for us - such a legend. He then tossed us 2 bottles of water as well and making sure our bikes were as stocked as they could be with bottles as well (you can't drink the tap water here, it's similar to Bali so bottled water is precious). We also met the two other people joining us, a super fit and happy almost-middle-aged couple (they had kids our age but looked about 30, sooo) FROM AUSTRALIA! It was awesome, we chatted for ages. The woman introduced herself to me first as Danielle (Dn had a hard time pronouncing this so from then on it was Danni), and her husband was Shaun (probably spelt Sean but this confuses me so much so we are just gonna go with Shaun. Like the sheep). They were from Melbourne and travelled heaps, this was their third time to Thailand so we quizzed them for all the information they could give us, and by the end of the trip we were all great friends. It's awesome meeting people who are from the same place as you are from, it's like an instant connection that breaks all age and circumstantial barriers.

Even though it was only 8am, it was stinking hot. We pedalled for about 20 minutes with the sun pounding down on us, then Dn stopped and took us down a side street which opened up into a massive, bustling market. We would have never known it was there. He chained our bikes and gave us a comprehensive guided tour of all the different types of food that was being sold by loud and enthusiastic locals. The place was massive, crowded and stunk so bad, but it was such an amazing cultural experience. He led us through all the fruit stalls, showing us how to tell if pineapples are sweet and when mangoes are ripe. He explained all the weird fruits we had never seen, and which were grown right there in Khao Lak (the suburb/city where we are staying). He was just a plethora of information and we learnt so much cool stuff. *Note: If you're vegetarian/don't like fish or meat talk, you should definitely skip the next paragraph*

Towards the end of the fruit section it was starting to absolutely reek and I was thinking how the hell can people buy food when the place smells like literal shit and rotting fish. Then we got to the fish section. There were thousands of fish, hundreds of different types. Blood and guts everywhere and the people behind the counter would sharpen their knives on a block, then violently cut the heads off the fish and slice, dice, and fillet them right there. As we were watching, I thought I saw the fish wriggling as the man sliced it's head off, then I realised he was literally reaching into a barrel of squirming fish, absolutely alive. Feeling decidedly sick (but not as bad as Danni who is a vegetarian) we tried to hurry this section along. But then immediately regretted it as we saw what the next section we were heading into was. I thought fish guts smelt bad, but it's nowhere near as bad as pig, lamb, and beef guts in a steaming, hot, sweaty, crowded rotunda with flies going crazy. Vom. There was literally everything, and I mean everything. Pigs heads, tongues, intestines, brains, feet, tails, hearts (felt like grade 10 biology class). Of course, nothing was refrigerated. We tried to hurry through and stop Danni from fainting, but Dn was insisting to show us all the dried fish and explain the traditional preserving process - all we wanted to do was get well, well away from the pigs heads (which were right beside the drying fish). I can't even explain how bad it smelt.

You'd think the curry aisle would smell better, but the powerful smell of dead things was even stronger than the many different types of curry pastes. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and we headed outside to the "fresh" air (which still smells like sewerage but it smelt like daisies compared to the fish and meat markets). Dn took us to a street stall which sold unknown things, and bought us a few different things to try. We had dried pulled pork, and curried crackling, which was nice but I had zero appetite after the markets. Sculling some water to try to keep breakfast down, we went into more of the outside markets which had more fruit and drink stalls. Danni and Shaun both bought a cold coconut, which the man cut open right there and stuck a straw in it. Doesn't get much fresher. We both tried a sip and it was the sweetest, nicest coconut water I'd ever tried. Dn explained there are lots of different types of coconuts and the age determines a lot of the flavour as well. Generally, the ones that get exported the Thai people wouldn't usually drink because they are bitter and strong varieties instead of the mild and sweet ones we were drinking in the markets.

There were dogs everywhere, running around and dodging the traffic. Some were feral, some had 3 legs, and some were absolutely adorable, but one thing they all had in common was that they had heaps of friends. Dog friends.

After we were "rested" we set off again, through the streets of Thailand. At one point we were literally on the road, pedalling next to the scooters, being overtaken by honking trucks and cars. It was pretty scary but Dn seemed to think it was totally normal, and the more we looked around the more normal it seemed. Once you got over the initial fright, it felt pretty safe because everyone was aware and gave way to you, and there was plenty of room on the road shoulder. It wasn't long that we were on the road before we turned off and headed into the mountains on a path. We rode up to a temple which was amazing. In all of the dirtiness and poverty stood a breathtaking, white temple with green dragons and gold trimmings. We took some photos and got lots of lessons before I saw something way more interesting. A monkey!

He was just casj sitting on a cart with a boy about our age, happy as could be. Then we saw another one, way up a tree with a rope connecting him to a lady on the ground. As we watched we saw her point to a specific coconut (metres above her head) and the monkey swing over to it, point to check it was the right one, and when the lady gave a signal he began twisting and working at it until it fell to the ground. They repeated this over and over to our amazement, the monkey was so intelligent. It was like watching a tiny, nimble human, the way they were communicating and understanding each other. I was appalled that it was on a leash and spent it's whole life in captivity, because it was so human-like it felt like slavery. Dn told us not to feel bad, because the monkeys grow up as part of the family. He said the woman on the ground was probably the "mother" of the monkeys, in that they respected her and even thought that she was their mother. He got talking to the family, and they let us get photos of them. The young boy said something to one of the monkeys (it looked like a relative of the baboon) who turned around and showed its pink butt to the cameras. It looked like the monkey was laughing with the boy. They told us not to get too close because they are really protective, and Shaun made the mistake of backing up a little too far to get a photo. They bared their teeth and growled and were actually really intimidating, Dn said they were protecting their cart and their family. We thanked them and said goodbye, and they rode off looking so happy (the monkeys had juice boxes), and Dn reassured us that it wasn't animal cruelty, it was a way of life for coconut pickers to include one or two monkeys into their family and raise them like children. The chains were just to stop them running away and getting hurt, or getting stolen because a trained monkey is pretty hot property.

We continued our journey going further uphill, and through massive plantations of rubber trees. There were thousands upon thousands of them with the little taps and bowls collecting them. That's our Nike shoes...

The ride was 14km but it felt way longer on the dodgy, uphill roads with potholes and patches of gravel (and dogs that you had to dodge cos they just sat on the road and didn't move). There were so many farms and little huts in the mountains as we got closer to the national park, and the bitumen road turned into gravel and dirt (which was not comfortable on a hard bike seat). Finally we reached the national park, where we were greeted by two barking puppies (who were so unsure of us they wouldn't even say hello to Dn or let anyone pat them) and playing kittens who chased each other up trees. We had to pay 200 baht (about 8 bucks) to get into the park, and then we hiked about half an hour (red faced and sweating) uphill through the humid jungle. Dn showed us some honeycomb that had fallen from a tree that was made by the local breed of bees, and told us that the honey is not good to eat but they make a syrup from the honeycomb by soaking it in water that I assume is like cane sugar syrup.

We finally got to the waterfall and oh my god. Words just can't describe. It was so beautiful. We crossed a little log bridge over the running water which had a handmade railing of bamboo on one side which was very appreciated, especially after we got off the log and onto the steep, slippery rocks. There was another smaller bridge, and then we were on the flat rocks with a second-to-none view of the cascading waterfall. The pictures don't even do it justice.

We then went back down a little bit of the way to the swimming hole. Dn jumped straight in, and told us that it was 3m deep - amazing! He showed us that if we sat on the edge and dipped our feet in, tiny fish would come and nibble at them. He said they call it a fish massage, it felt so strange, an he explained they eat the dead skin so it cleans your feet really well and leaves them smooth. I loved it, it was awesome, but when that got old/still hadn't cooled down, I expertly changed into my swimmers (with no towel to hold up, just Jake's shirt) and jumped in with everyone else. It was so refreshing and fun to splash around in this awesome waterfall. We all got out and while our feet were getting nibbled it started absolutely pouring with rain! It felt like standing under a shower, exactly the same pressure and amount of water, absolutely ridiculous. The waterfall went crazy, and the path we went down to get there started flooding and turning into a muddy waterfall as well! Dn said it was safer to wait until the rain stopped, so I rescued everyones stuff by pulling out my rain ponchos (that Jake said I was being ridiculous in bringing with us) and we all danced and sat in the rain, it was so peaceful and awesome. The waterfall was gushing so fast and made a little whirlpool in the middle of the pool.

When it finally died down we tried to dry ourselves as best we could and shuffled down the slippery hill back to our bikes. The ride home was way cooler and faster going downhill with a nice breeze, we were back at the temple with the monkeys in no time. Dn then took us to a tsunami memorial with a massive navy ship. He told us that this was the resting place of this ship, when it floated this far inland during the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami - 3km inland from the sea. Khao Lak is on an isle, and he said the water rising from both sides virtually covered the entire land surface. It was a really sobering experience, especially when he told us that he lived here during the tsunami. I wanted to ask him more, but respected that he probably didn't want to relive that horror. We left the memorial all thinking very hard, and realising how blessed we really are to live without fear or memory of these horrible things in our lives.

We rode straight back to the hotel from there, very hot, sore and hungry from riding and hiking almost 30km. It was about 1pm, so after a shower (we were still sweating when we got out - yuck) we headed down to the restaurant and got some italian to fill our bellies. After all that hard work I felt like I deserved a cocktail so I got myself a M...Cee2, which is served IN A COCONUT. It was totally awesome, but went straight to my head. I decided that one was definitely enough. We also decided that we deserved one of our free massages, so we booked one in at the spa for an hour each at 5pm. With all our time to kill we lathered ourselves up in tanning oil and laid by the pool, relaxing and swimming until 4pm - happy hour! I'd had my eye on the coffee cocktails, and decided to try the Mexicana - tequila, creme de cacao and espresso, topped with whipped cream. It was incredible, but so ridiculously strong. I got a lemon and lychee juice to alternate with it. We had one each and shared a third - blue curacao and tequila, shaken (not stirred) and went back to the room with spinning heads to have a shower before the massage.
When we arrived they gave us cold pineapple juice, and got us to try 3 different types of oils to decide which one we preferred to be massaged in. They all smelt delicious, it was a hard choice. We got led into a room with two massage tables, stripped down and got a damn good massage. These little Thai ladies are amazing, they got right up on the bed and used their elbows to massage out all the knots in my back, and tapped all the pressure points I didn't realised existed and released all of my muscles. We walked out feeling like jelly and so sleepy. They gave us a cup of green tea, and we wandered back to our room, put on our robes and chilled out. I've never been so relaxed in my life.

It wasn't long until our hunger outweighed our desire to stay in bed, so we decided to use our voucher for a free set meal (so many free things!). We didn't realise it was a 5 course feast... But that was a pleasant surprise. There was lots of confusion about how it worked, as there were 3 options for thai and 3 options for italian. We wanted thai but got italian, but no complaints! It was amazing. We started with bread, then a chicken mince and cheese concoction baked in half a capsicum, minestrone soup, crispy baked potato with seared duck breast, then an amazing apple pie with custard for dessert. We definitely didn't go hungry. We payed less than $8 for our two drinks, and were treated like saints when we tipped the waiters 40 baht, which is less than $2. Slipping into yet another food coma, we collapsed on our bed and watched some cliche American movie until we changed the channel and saw the very start of 22 Jump Street. We watched it all (I managed to stay awake this time - that's a first) and had lots of laughs.

Towards the end of the movie, we heard strange banging noises, which we couldn't figure out. After a while they got louder and more frequent, so Jake locked the door and we timidly walked onto the balcony to see what was going on/if we were going to get shot. What idiots we felt like... It was FIREWORKS! They finished just as we walked out, but relieved we went back to bed, finished the movie, and absolutely crashed after our massive day.

Post Second-Breakfast Adventures

jadesjourney — Sat, 4 Jul 2015 18:58:00 GMT

Today was such a great, relaxing day. Once our second breakfast had partially digested and we had changed into our togs (which beautifully displayed our massive food babies) we strolled on down to the pool that goes around and in and out of the entire resort. We also met the resident cat who we have seen on multiple occasions, as he was strutting down the walkway and stopped and begged me to pat him. After I had sufficiently scratched his/her (?) ears and my legs were used as a massage pole, I sanitised my hands and prayed that I hadn't caught fleas or mad cat disease. Really cute cat so I suppose infections are worth it.
We stayed by the pool for most of the day, floating and swimming and lazing on the blow up toys, and taking photos on my underwater camera of all the beautiful things. We got a complimentary beach bag and towels which we put on a group of sun lounges to claim them as our own, and when we got out of the pool we saw that the towels had been laid out for us by the little fairies of workers here. They are honestly so beautiful, helpful, and respectful, and try so hard to understand you and make you happy. There smiles are incredibly infectious, and you find yourself walking around beaming at everyone.

Beside the pool there is a swim up bar (I KNOW, oh my god) which I floated over to and ordered a fruity smoothie which came so beautifully in a massive cocktail glass with pineapple on the side and a skewer with lemon and cherry. So refreshing. BTW the only reason it wasn't alcoholic was because it was before midday (also I was genuinely dehydrated from being out in the sun). Even though we lathered ourselves up with water resistant, spf50 sunblock, we still managed to get red faces... Good way to start the holiday! While I was at the bar though, I learnt some very important information. Happy hour is between 4 and 5 and cocktails are half price (this brings them down to a ridiculous 100baht, about $4... Gonna return an alcoholic). So we got sufficiently excited about happy hour, but as we were exhausted from being in the sun and swimming all day, we retired to our air conditioned comfort and bigger-than-king bed until it was time to enjoy the cheap, delicious alcohols.

However, I didn't have a fun, relaxing time in this down-time. My tummy had been grumbling for the past hour, and I started breaking out in sweats in the ice cold aircon. This was all just as we were preparing for happy hour at about 3.50, so when I told Jake I didn't think I was up to going down to the bar, let alone having alcohol, he was understandably devastated. As he helped me stagger to the bathroom and stroked my back as I leant over the bowl, I banished him outside and proceeded to empty out my entire bowel and stomach. Immediately I thought, "Shit (no pun intended) I've got Bali Belly on the first day of the holiday" as I distinctly remembered brushing my teeth with the tap water and not the bottled water they so kindly placed right beside the bathroom sink. After about 20 incredibly unpleasant minutes, and complaining to my parents on iMessage, I felt way better. So much so that I got dressed, put on makeup, and told Jake we were going to enjoy our happy hour!

I was just going to order juice and see if I kept it down/in, but the cheap cocktails were too enticing. There was one that combined 3 of my favourite alcohols, sambuca, malibu and cointreau. Dayum, yes please! Jake got the Zero.5 cocktail because it had the most kinds of alcohol in it (vodka, gin, white rum, dark rum, maybe tequila and grenadine and some juices). It came out in a very feminine glass (was also pink) with a cherry and a straw, ooh la la Jakey. Then there was mine. I didn't read/register the fact that there were no other ingredients listed other than the spirits, so I literally got a massive shot glass that had a shot each of Cointreau, Malibu and Sambuca. You can tell who wears the pants, clearly. It was so strong but probably the best drink I've ever had in my life. Iicorice?) Very warming. Suffice to say I was pretty off my face after that (also hadn't eaten since second breakfast. As a part of our accommodation package we get two free "Selfie Haven" cocktails which is pineapple and rum, usually served in a whole pineapple (looks totally rad). We figured we may as well save our free one and order half price ones during the happy hour, so we both got one. They must have ran out of pineapples because it was just served in a big cocktail glass, but damn it was good. We finished at 5 on the dot and figured it was too early for dinner, so we went back to chill in the room.

We jumped on the bed and turned on the TV and one of my all time favourite movies was playing. MULAN! In my "mildly" intoxicated state I got incredibly excited and started acting/singing all of the songs with great enthusiasm (Jake filmed me and won't let me delete it) and reminded him every single time Mushu came on the screen that I played him in grade 7. We watched the whole thing, and by that time it was well and truly passed food o'clock. Jake waited while I danced and sung to the credit song (True to your Heart), and we went back to the restaurant slightly more sober than when we left it. Reading the menu we both picked the same thing at the same time (awks) and decided we would share it and try something else as well. We picked a spicy cashew noodle stir fry, which turned out to be amazing but nothing compared to our chosen dish. It was rice stir fried with a beautiful sauce, chicken, prawns, fresh veges, pineapple and raisins, SERVED IN A PINEAPPLE! I can't even describe how cool it was. They had laid it down and cut the top side open so it was like a long, oval bowl, which you could eat the insides of once you'd finished the main course. Going down as one of the best meals I've had, and I definitely didn't want to share. Guess Jake's lucky I love him.

There's a TV in the restaurant and just as we finished we saw that Need for Speed was on in 5 minutes, so we hastily called for the cheque and ran back to the room to watch it (neither of us had seen it). Apparently it was very good, but I wouldn't know. I crashed out about 5 minutes in, after I'd remarked "Oh that's the guy from "Breaking Bad" and set the alarm for 6am so we were prepared for our bike ride to the waterfall. I slept right through until the sweet tunes of the iPhone alarm woke me up.

Guess all the fun activities wore me out.

You know breakfast is good when you write this much about it...

jadesjourney — Fri, 3 Jul 2015 16:45:00 GMT

From the moment I wake up, before I put on ma makeup, I say a little prayer for you because you're livin in practical poverty compared to us livin like kings (and queens, equality 5eva). We had to turn the aircon off because it was too cold (living rough) and we pulled the curtains to watch the sun rise over the ocean just after 6 when we woke up, but then realised they rose over the mountains which required getting out of our bigger-than-king-sized bed, so we dozed until the buffet opened for breakfast.
And oh my god, they had literally had everything. We got there about 7 and were greeted by a man with a smile bigger than my face who asked if we would prefer tea or coffee (coffee, obvs, which was actually really nice for black plunger coffee). I loved it already, and that was even before I saw the spread of food. I started my food journey of looking at everything at the fruit bar. There was every type of fruit that I know, and so many exotic ones that I didn't. We sampled dragon fruit, rose apples, weird types of melons I'm not going to attempt to spell, and my new favourite fruit which has a crazy name but it also referred to as the "queen of fruit". Queen of my life more like. A cute little Thai lady saw us struggling to open it with a knife and then showed us how you're meant to squeeze them to break the shell and then eat the flesh in the middle. It's similar to a mandarin, only white and with big seeds in every second piece. So sweet and delicious, I can't even describe the flavour, but I had 4 so you can imagine how good it is.
With the fruit they also had a little bar with plain yoghurt, strawberry yoghurt, fruit salad and bircher muesli. I was in health heaven. There was a blender where you could make your own smoothies (which we did, following their recommended recipe of natural yoghurt, ice, watermelon, dragon fruit and pineapple - v delish) and every kind of cereal and cereal toppings you could ever wish for. And this was only the beggining.

Then there was the salad bar which was filled with random, non-breakfasty foods. It had all different fresh veges and things to make your own salad + dressings and croutons and vinegars and oils. Then other random things like salami and funny sardine looking fish and fancy cheeses and cucumbers (wanted to steal some cos my eyes are still puffy from travelling and lack of sleeps). If you were thirsty there was all different types of juices, which I made many different breakfast cocktails with. The winner was watermelon & mint, pineapple, guava and orange. Mmmmmmmm.

And like any other buffet style breakfast, there was the hot food section. But this was unlike any hot food section I had ever experienced. You had your usuals like ham, bacon, grilled tomato, but then there was also onion and garlic sauteed potatoes, jasmine rice, vege stir fries, steamed fish stir fry with broccolini and the real kicker, Phad Thai! Jake was so stoked to have noodles for brekky. I was more stoked about the fresh prawn wonton soup, because dumplings are my favourite of foods. They were damn good dumplings too, not really breakfast food but the stuffing wasn't stuffing, it was a massive king prawn. Zero complaints from Jade.

Apparently they thought this still wasn't enough food cos there was heaps of different crunchy and soft breads and rolls and croissants and sweet bakery treats (chocolate croissants were a major win). Then every kind of spread for yo bread - including Nutella, but sadly no vegemite - and a toaster if you wished to use it. Beside that there were about 4 waiters standing behind a bar, and it took us a while to realise what they did. The first lady made all the coffees and the 100s of different teas (lychee and rose was the best, need to steal some to bring home). The next one made fresh pancakes before your eyes, and the bar in front was decked out with anything you could want with them. Berries, bananas, maple syrup, Nutella, lemons and sugar, and so many different bowls I'm assuming were different types of syrups and compotes and mouth watering ingredients. This is tomorrows breakfast, because I was already pretty full when I discovered this valuable information. As well as pancakes, there was a DIY waffle maker, with the batter ready made for you to pour into the toaster thing. You could have custom waffles as well with choc chips to add to the batter and berries and so many other goodies. They probably even had icecream hiding somewhere, but it would have melted in about 2.5 seconds out in the open. I haven't mentioned that we sweated our way through breakfast, but was still so amaze.

Next to out new best friend the pancake and waffle maker, there was Jake's new buddy, the man who made the eggs. You just told him how you wanted them done and he cooked them to perfection and brought them out to you on a tray and bowed about 5 times as he delivered them to you. He also had all fresh veges chopped up like onion and mushrooms and capsicum and tomatoes that you could pick and chuck into a bowl and he would turn it into the world's best omelette. We are yet to try it but they looked so damn good and smelt incredible. Too much good food to try, lucky we have a week!

So we sat at a table right near the window which looked right over the pool (I don't know if I mentioned this, but it's the longest salt water pool in the whole world - dayummm) and we could see the beach through the trees as well. Such a rough life. You had to walk over the little pool on a wooden bridge to get to the buffet, and the pool was filled with koi who would get excited when they saw you and think you were going to feed them. `All the waiters and waitresses were so nice and would give you the biggest smiles and bow and wish you a good morning, and ask if you needed anything. We honestly felt so spoilt, and couldn't believe that this whole buffet was free, every single day. So blessed.

After we ate our fill we went back to our room and died of a food coma, had a shower to get rid of the ridiculous amount of sweat on us (eewww) and laid out on our balcony enjoying the view and looking at the brochures of things to do. We booked a bike ride for tomorrow morning, which we hope is the one to the nearby waterfall like we asked for, but pretty sure the guy put us down for the one to the markets because his english wasn't very good. But hey, we aren't complaining! Fresh fruit n veges and cheap rip offs of western brands, plus feeling good exercising after eating double our body weight in breakfast foods. We also looked at the different types of kayaking and elephant tours you can do around here, and hopefully we can get to see monkeys as well. So excited.

By this time it was about 10.15, and the buffet breakfast ended at 10.30 so we figured we may as well take advantage of free things and have a second breakfast! Feeling very much like hobbits, we filled our plates a second time and stuffed our faces until we went into another food coma.

This is livin' Barry.

Photos: The Haven Khao Lak

jadesjourney — Fri, 3 Jul 2015 13:12:00 GMT

Our ridiculously amazing 5 Star Resort

Livin like a movie star - Call me Ange

jadesjourney — Fri, 3 Jul 2015 13:07:00 GMT

Oh. My. God. The luxury begins. Let me just start off by saying we found this resort on Luxury Escapes and got out 8 night getaway for $500 each. This $500 also included two free dinners each, buffet breakfast each morning, 8 free massages/spa treatments, 24 hour access to the gym, 2 free cocktails at the swim up bar that are served in actual pineapples, and free airport transfers. So when we got picked up at Phuket airport by our chauffeur in a Mercedes with leather interior, and presented with ice cold towels, freezing bottled water and free wifi in the car, we were surprised when everything kept getting better from there.

After we got over how cool everything was and how much like movie stars we felt (call me Angelina Jolie from now on pls, also cos I wanna adopt every Thai child I see), and of course the standard check of likes, update of blog and addition to snapchat story, we watched the outside goin by in wonder for the next hour or so. Thailand is a completely different world. I actually felt guilty driving along in aircon in a luxury car right next to an open backed truck which doubled as a school bus, and kids literally sitting with their feet dangling over the back, tucked up as not to drag along the road hurtling beneath them at 100km an hour. It's crazy. (Ok mum you can stop reading this paragraph now pls) And what are even road rules? Just crossing a double yellow line onto the wrong side of the road with a truck coming toward us just to overtake a poor lil tuk-tuk struggling to keep up seemed pretty casj to our driver. Let me just say there were a few times Jake and I kind of looked at each other like, shit we are gonna die, this is the end. Too many near misses. And when I say near misses I really mean it, like we almost clipped a motorbike a few times and merged right before we had a head on with a truck. Also, old mate in the drivers seat (who didn't speak much English at all) thought it was hell cool to be going 110 in a 40 zone. At least he slowed down to a crawl to go over speed bumps for our comfort... On ya champ.

We're staying in a place called Khao Lak, which is bigger than we expected. The town centre was 5 lanes wide, pretty damn impressive. It's pretty westernised and touristy, because most of the resorts are 5 star and over so they're basically catering for rich white people, which they assume we are (lol jokes on them, help us we are poor uni students). As we got closer to our resort (it's pretty far out of town and really private, we have a massive stretch of beach right in front of us that's pretty much untouched) it started looking more and more what you expect Thailand to look like. Little pop up stalls and markets with fresh food and veges and cheap electronics and clothes on the side of the road. One thing we noticed was how happy everyone was. They have the hugest smiles and the warmest, kindest eyes, which is really nice to see that they're not just trying to scam you kinda thing, they are genuinely lovely people. That doesn't mean we aren't gonna haggle their lil asses off though.

We were greeted by two lovely Thai men who opened the door for us and carried all of our luggage, and were taken to the reception area which is open, overlooking the amazing pool and beach, with a koi pond and cute little bridges and comfy seats. We were told to sit down and they brought us over even more cold towels and strange purple drinks we were a bit skeptical over because we weren't sure if they were alcoholic or not. They waited on us like we were millionaires, so polite and respectful and gave us all our vouchers for free things and room keys, and carried all our luggage to our room for us. On our way we met the resident cat, who is my new best friend. The pool stretched along all of the rooms, so everyone has their own private little balcony and steps into the pool straight from there. We are on the second story so we missed out on that, but I think I prefer it because we can see the ocean, and sit on our balcony enjoying the view and breeze and free wifi without anyone swimming like 2m away from us. The two people showed us all the fancy things in our room like the safe and free beach bag and towels, robes, free shoes and the mini bar (which is not free - except for the water). Then they left us alone with our aircon remote to marvel in this amazing space we are going to call home for the next week. The bed is absolutely ridiculous. Like, it's width is way longer than the length. Pretty sure its two double beds (maybe even queen beds) pushed together, Jake layed down on it and it was way longer than him. Plus so many pillows! They folded two towels to look like elephants on the bed to greet us, which Jake destroyed before I could get a decent photo. Oh well, they have a towel folding class we can go to so maybe we can make our own and come back with bathroom origami skills. Everything is so beautiful and we are in heaven. Can't even stress enough how lucky we are to be here, and how much we feel like we definitely haven't paid enough.

We walked down to one of the restaurants (there are 3) which is where the swim up cocktail bar is, except we were wearing clothes so we didn't access it via the pool. We went over the awesome lil bridges. We sat down right next to the pool and watched the sun set over the ocean between the palm trees, and I drank my Sex on the Beach cocktail. I wanted to take it onto the beach so I could make lots of funny jokes but Jake said I was so embarrassing so I restrained myself. Maybe one time. We've decided to try all the cocktails on the menu (or at least I decided this) because they re only 200 baht (less than 8 bucks) and so potent. I was tipsy after one (waits for everyone call me a lightweight...). I got a massamum curry and oh my god it was the best curry I've ever had. It wasn't very hot at all, but the flavours were so intense and amazing it was like an all senses experience. Damn good food. Bae got a Phad Thai just to compare what a real Thai dish is compared to what we get back in Oz. It came with heaps of fresh prawns and was super delish, so much better than any of the the Australian counterparts I've tried (and I am a serious Pad Thai eater). We got two cocktails each, and two amazing meals and still spent way less that $50. Freaking love Thailand.

It was someones birthday at the restaurant and the waiters gave us balloons and we all sang happy birthday it was so much fun (especially me being pretty drunk, I had the best time). So many giggles and smiles. Then we asked for the cheque and realised we had barely brought any money, awks, so I had to run back to our room to grab more. I'm guessing I appeared pretty tipsy because the waiter was super worried and kept telling me to be careful and not to rush. He even followed me to the bridge and told me to go slow and be careful. So adorbs. The walk to the room alone was very similiar to when you sit in the toilet at a club by yourself and realise how drunk you really are. I don't know what the hell they put in those cocktails but I felt about 6 drinks deep. (Yes, I'm a little person, it doesn't take much).

After we'd paid, stolen the balloon because it had a kangaroo on it and was obviously destined for us, the Aussies, and stumbled back to our room, we cranked on the aircon, showered in the awesome shower that had two shower heads (!!!), blew out all the citronella candles they'd lit for us because it stank, I fell asleep at like 9pm watching National Geographics. I love this place.

Ate where the locals eat

jadesjourney — Thu, 2 Jul 2015 19:37:00 GMT

Let me just start off by saying that Singapore airport is fkn rad. There is a litre of 50% Smirnoff for the equivalent of $17 Aussie dollars, so if that doesn't make you want to move here then you need to seriously question your priorities in life. So we got our bags, and our $10 bottle of jaeger (definitely the more important of the two) and sat at this bloody adorable french cafe, in Singapore, 'drinking' coffee (it was foul - but it made us look cool and worldly so we soldiered on) and munching on a cookie covered croissant and a mushroom and bacon chowder for ridiculous prices (the good kind of ridiculous). Speaking of soldiering on, there were casj soldiers with machine guns strolling around looking intimidating. Hell casj...

I booked the coolest place ever to stay for the night, which I'm super proud of because it was one of the cheapest I could find and was really not expecting that much, but it's probably up there with one of the coolest places I've ever stayed in. And coolness is good because Singapore is so hot (the kind of hot in your bathroom when you've had a really steaming hot shower and forgot to turn the fan on, so you're sweating and can't really breathe - and when you open the door it's like you're born again). I mention this because there is icy cold air-con in every room so kudos to me for finding this place. But for real, massive kudos to Mr Christopher, the owner, for creating the best backpackers you could imagine, basically a home away from home. If you ever find yourself in Singapore for the night make your way (via the $9 shuttle bus) to Central 65 Hostel and Cafe, and then thank me later. You help yourself to food and coffee and tea and cold water FOR FREEEEE, and do the washing up afterwards. But here's the real kicker - FREE WIFI. FOR FREE. AND IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD! (Jake is currently complaining that he can't get onto facey but there are approx. 20 of us all in one place sucking the internets dry... but we love Christopher so we still say his wifi is fab).

SO last night we (I) were pretty damn starving so we ask old mate Christopher where to go, totally didn't understand what he said except that we should try the hot and spicy soup, so we wandered around the streets (which are pretty dodge and scary and road rules don't exist) until we found the busiest place, and assumed it must be good. Damn we were right... once we'd figured out how the whole thing worked. We had to get a menu and an ordering sheet and hang around with the 30 odd people on the side of the street, choose what we wanted and fill out the form to get what we wanted. Then we kind of stood around like the lost western tourists that we were, until we figured out you have to use an iPad to register yourself in the queue of people before you could get seated. After we did that, we were sweating more than a pedophile in a playground so we made our way to t he grocery store and grabbed the first cold drink we could find, and by the time we got back there was a table for us. The food came ridiculously quickly and was ridiculously good. Unfortunately bae was unprepared for Asia and his chopstick skills were compromised... the dumplings were fine but the fried rice was a challenge. Actually, the dumplings were more than fine. Possibly the best dumplings I've ever had in my life, and as an avid dumping eater I will keep you updated on our dumpling tasting adventures. I'm sure I'll sample a wide range in the continent where they originated.
Dinner was only 10 bucks each and I've never been so full of fresh, healthy food before in my life. Let's all sing praises for Singapore.

Our bed was also super rad. We shared a room (aka. shoebox) with 4 other people, and I was kind of worried about privacy but old mate Christopher had come up with an excellent solution. The beds were built into the walls like little cubby houses filled with blankets and pillows, each coming equipped with a light, a towel rack, a safe with power points and a lil curtain that you could pull across for complete privacy. We had a top bunk cubby though, and climbing the ladder into our cute little bungalow was interesting. I wish I got a video, or even a picture, but I totally forgot (#devo). It was awesome though. The beds were super comfy and the air con was super cold which is basically all you want on an overnight stay in Singapore.

This morning we went down into the common area (where the wifi is - hallelujah) and had some toast, and a major tea mishap. I couldn't work out if the tea was black or herbal, so I tried it without milk or sugar and it tasted weird, so I added milk and it tasted even weirder, so basically I still haven't figured out what it was, but I didn't get to enjoy my morning cuppa (almost a deal breaker for me). I was trying to write my fully sick blog about our fully sick adventures but JKG was sick of ma shit (aka. taking so long with nothing for him to do) so we rifled through our bags to find towels (which were at the very bottom, obvs, cos I figured we probably wouldn't use them) so we could tackle the shower situation. Let's just say it was an experience, and leave it at that.

Making our way to the airport was the next adventure, so after writing down directions from the front desk into my little travel journal like a savvy traveller would do, we wandered the streets looking for the bus stop, got lost down some dodge alley, backtracked and realised it was literally right outside our hostel. Then came the hard part. When our bus finally came (and bae was well and truly sick of me trying to take selfies with him) we tried to give our money to the driver and he literally wouldn't take it. Obvs we don't speak Singaporean (is that a thing? Malaysian?) so had no clue what he was saying aside from the fact it was going to cost us $4 but he wouldn't accept the money we were trying to give him.
We went back to ask our buddy Christopher what da hell was going on (by this stage both very hot and bothered and I hadn't had a coffee yet and it was pushing lunch time) and apparently you just chuck your money into the little box at the front and you don't get change, and the driver just drives and doesn't do maths. It was pretty public school (aka. so random). At least we got to where we wanted to go.
We didn't get to see any of our machine gun mates at the airport, but we got something even better. Our first Burger King experience. Had to dig into the hidden emergency money to pay for it, but damn it was worth. Hello BBQ Bacon Turkey Grilled Chicken Burger (and yes, hello diabetes). Then went into a food coma and tried to keep it down (also included a "medium" aka. supersize drink and fries and sauce).

We (I) took heaps of selfies on the giant tree thing, which are hell cute n funny and got to flick them onto the screen for everyone to see. This was about all the exciting things that happened at the airport besides finally being able to get some wifi and check how many likes I got on my status.
I'm writing this on the plane to Phuket where we get picked up by our chauffeur and our luxury holiday begins. Ooh la la. Adios peasants.

Photos: Pre-Journey

jadesjourney — Wed, 1 Jul 2015 21:10:00 GMT

Fun times before the funnest times begin

Bought a bum bag - preparation level is high

jadesjourney — Wed, 1 Jul 2015 20:57:00 GMT

About a month ago, I had no plans to leave Australia, and Thailand wasn't exactly beckoning. The travel bug had laid dormant for over a year and my life was looking relatively boring and uneventful, with the wild excitement and massive goal being starting uni... Whoopee. So basically the entire decision to escape on a luxury Thai adventure was extremely spontaneous (and extremely un-like me) but that's what you're meant to do on your gap year (/gap life) right? Do crazy shit.

As we are sitting on the budget airline in our budget seats with the budget seatbelt I'm not 500% sure that I trust (especially after not being allowed to go to the toilet for 30 minutes because the turbulence was so bad - FYI turbulence isn't fun with a full bladder) I'm beginning to think this is/I am bat-shit crazy. But I'm in too deep to back out now so hopefully it's bat-shit crazy in a positive way.
Besides, I've planned the hell out of this holiday (again, totes not my thing) so honestly if anything goes wrong then I'm gonna flip my shit. Even though I'm completely prepared for literally everything to go wrong (our travel insurance actually covers hijacking - you're welcome mum) and have approximately 10 safe hidden places for emergency money and even a fake wallet to hand over if (when) we get mugged in some dirty Thai alley. I've hand written itineraries and printed tickets and made a travel folder, photocopied passports, confirmed and reconfirmed accommodation, left details with my parents, confirmed and reconfirmed transfers and accommodation, contacted the bank... please tell me what I've forgotten? I think you get the picture that I am super organised and I kind of wanted to brag just a little bit about what a savvy traveller I am. Hint hint take me with you on your next holiday (for free cos I'm pretty broke right now)... Preferably Europe, or South America. Will settle for Canada or Japan also. My email is jadedempsey96@gmail.com send me our itinerary. Thanks.

I think the epitome of my travel preparedness however is my most recent and proudest, most adult purchase. Judge me if you will, but I got myself a bum bag. Ain't no theif gettin' to my passport or cashola. I'm so paranoid that I even have a money belt to put under my bum bag. Too far? YOLO. So safety first because I don't want my only life to be a broke one. Oh, I also forgot to mention that I got a selfie stick too. Holaaaaa tourist!

So because Jake and I are poor uni students (Oh lol I forgot to introduce the bae, yes hi hello this is Jake the bf/partner in crime/travel companion/novice explorer/hard partier/potato) we got literally the cheapest flights our babe Tash (sickest travel agent ever from STA, go hit her up) could find - she was so cute and texted me like every 10 minutes when she found a cheaper flight or deal, we love Tash. We're on Scoot, which is Air Asia's dodge Jetstar-esque line, and the level of excitement I had over the price is in complete proportion to the level of disappointment I felt when we actually got on the plane. We are on a 7+ hour flight with NO TVS. WHAT DA FUARK. And you always get free food on international flights right? WRONG! Don't tell me I have to pay for my lil dehydrated meal with a salad n desert n crackers n other weird shit that you don't touch because it's foreign and strange. (Update: They told me, and yes. You have to pay). Let's just not talk about the free alcohol. We aren't allowed to mention it. I adamantly told Jake we could get drunk on the plane for free and I feel like I have never betrayed him so much. We are devastated, but hopefully we can move past this obstacle between us. Pray for us.

We are like 2 hours in and I'm so hungry. If you know me, you know what I'm like when I'm hungry/hangry. If you hear about the Hulk crashing a plane somewhere in Indonesia, you will know it was me. I actually need to stop making jokes about the plane crashing because I've made a damn lot and we're in Asia and there is no wood to touch to be safe because we are in a plane - (insert wood innuendo here).

Another fun thing I'm gonna share with you whether you care or not is that Scoot haven't got the memo that you need to turn your phones onto Airplane mode when you're on an airplane. They have wifi on the plane. WIFI ON THE GODDAMN PLANE. I don't know how this even works because like, we are in the air, v high, and in a plane. I'm pretty tempted to use it though - refer the lack of TV situation - but also pretty dubious. Also, you have to pay and I don't know if it's worth. Jake stole my kindle (at least he appreciates my over-preparation) so I've got my Cosmo mag which Jake is absolutely appalled about and gives me the most disgusted look whenever I show him anything (FYI great article on shower sex and also a special section on "Game of Moans" ) so we can see how we go for the following 5-6 hours.

They just announced that the food trolley is coming around. Gotta go get my $20 packet of pringles, woohoo! We might be able to avoid the Hulk sitch after all, fingers crossed. Bon appettit!

Update: I wrote that last statement at 10.29. It's currently 11.58 and I am still foodless. Rip.