Can you say TOMATO? If you can then the thought of it probably doesn't make you feel like projectile vomiting like it does me. I think it is a safe bet to say that by this point i am tomatoed out. In fact it's a safe bet to say that i am italian fooded out. If there is a land of the bland then Italy is surely it. Italians seem to only work in 4 flavours: Tomato, Cheese, Bread (which is shit) AND oIL (YES THEY VIEW OIL AS A FLAVOUR HERE). The only place i can think of that the food is so consistantly boring is Norway, but i digress.
So you are thinking of coming to Italy and are wondering what it is like, what can you expect? Well upon arrival you can expect a few things, probably in this order:-
a) Expect to be treated like a dickhead
b) Expect no help unless you are spending money
c) Expect to be ripped off
d) Expect to be ripped off some more
e) Also expect to be ripped off and treated rudely at the same time
f) And if all else fails, expect to be ripped off, while being treated like a dickhead and eating tomatoes
Is Italy good? Unfortunately yes, i would like to say it sucks shit, but the truth is that honour goes to it's people... oh and their food. It's like food purgatory for someone that likes to think of themselves as a bit of a gourmand, and if you think i am making this up, speak to someone that has been to italy for more than a week. It goes something a little like this:
You go to a resteraunt, check the menu and descover that any pasta dish is going to make you feel like you are bleeding money, or possibly shitting golden turds, so you opt for the pizza. If you were smartyou would have already seen some of the sparse meals being served up and being eaten by other intrepid tourists. They are small. So in terms of value for money pizza seems like a safe bet. You eat it and discover that it's quite good, if only it had a bit more kick to it. you think. Maybe i'll try another resteraunt, maybe this one just specialises in bland food. So you do, and you keep doing it every following day, only to discover THAT THERE IS NO FUCKING RELIEF!!!! It doesn't get any better, it's like cooky cutter food, it's the bloody same everywhere. What the hell?
