Hi Everyone! Retreat was far better than anything I could have ever imagined. It was everything I needed and then much more. I am simply in awe at what a difference last week has made in my life.
So what is this retreat anyway? I suppose it would be best to start at the basics. It is a week of silent reflection on 4 primary themes: our final end (heaven), joyful mysteries, sorrowful mysteries and glorious mysteries of the rosary (aka, the life of Jesus and Mary). It is structured the way St. Ignatius of Loyola established it several centuries ago in Spain but shortened into 5 days from the original 30 days that is intended for priests. This structure consists of mass/prayer, conferences & meditations/contemplations, recreation time and of course meals. It requires complete silence on behalf of the retreatant with the exception of private meetings with the priest to discuss any questions or concerns one might have either from their life back home or from the retreat itself.
The location in California sits on about 25 acres across the mountain side and has private bungalows scattered along the lower part of the mountain for the retreatants to sleep in. It is absolutely gorgeous! I sat in a chair at one of the look out points and watched lizards do “push-ups” in the sun; a hedge hog (?) stick its head out of one hole, gaze around, duck down and repeat the same actions in holes all around me; two does and a buck chase each other around and come within 10 feet of me, moving their heads all around to get a better glimps of me and what I was doing, eagles cawing, wild turkeys strutting and so much more.
Outside of the 5 days of silence, this retreat was structured to be very social, which I enjoyed. (Many of the women stayed a day or two before/after to help accommodate travels.) I got to meet 20 other women from across the western portion of the US and hear about their challenges personally and even those that their communities face. It helped open my eyes to better understand the world around me. One of the women there was someone who was on retreat with me last year in CT. She turned out to be my “bungalow mate,” sleeping in the other half of the building. I made a number of friends in a very short period of time and may have mini trips planned in the near future to visit people across the Midwest.
At the start of the retreat, I was a bit nervous. I had several big questions I was hoping to find answers to during the week. I was quite beside myself when not even half way through the first conference God´s grace smacked me right across the head and I found my answers! I almost began laughing in disbelief. I tentatively dismissed them until later on in the retreat when we were focusing on decisions and resolutions. I even mentioned the situation to one of the priests and after a bit of discussion, I realized that they were really the answers I was looking for. It was incredible. The priest told me that once a person understands the psychology of the soul (aka, hierarchy of the higher/lower faculties: will, intellect, memory, emotions, passions) that the light bulb instantly goes off and one realizes the answers were really in plain sight. It is no wonder why I found many of my answers during this conference.
This year it struck me just how beautiful retreats really are. The women in attendance ranged from 20-80 years old and brought with them all of the questions and dilemmas that one would face at those individual stages of life with the single common thread of all desiring to know and do God´s will. After the retreat, we all found the answers to our individual and highly distinct situations. I heard everyone say “it was just what I needed to hear and experience for me at this stage of my life”. We all heard the exact same set of lectures with the exact same readings and meditations yet all left with different answers, the answers we were individually seeking. It really took me back.
I found that the priests at this location were particularly interesting. Two were French and one was American. One of them was born in Madagascar to a French diplomat and had all sorts of stories of growing up in the safari and then being assigned to almost every continent since his ordination into the priesthood at one point or another. The other French priest spoke of beautiful stories of his family growing up. The American priest was quite reserved about his personal life but I think that is because he is a nervous public speaker. One of the French priests was particularly concerned about his English and said the most hysterical things like “you ought to flush!” when he meant “blush” and everytime he said “apostles” it sounded like “applesauce”. You can only IMAGINE the sentences I thought he was saying: “when Jesus was washing the feet of the applesauce...”. They used great imagery (perhaps too good because we all broke out into laughter many times) with things like “spiritual lollipops” in reference to God´s consolations of joy or donkies and jockies when discussing the higher/lower faculties. If you are anything like I was, I bet you immediately see a big race track full of racing donkies with jockies furiously bouncing up and down. Funny moments aside, these priests did a phenomenal job at taking the theoretical concepts/applications and bringing them into the sphere of practical application.
If all of that was not enough to make it a great retreat, the cherry on top was the amazing cook! She made all sorts of delicious meals – Spanish, Korean, American, Italian.. oooh, my mouth is watering!
After the retreat, I raided the bookstore. They had so many books I had been looking for for a long time. My entire backpack was filled with books plus two extra bags I carried on the plane with me. (It´s ok to be indulgent on these kinds of things, right?) Once I was done frolicking there, a family at the parish contacted me, saying that one of the women I know in Chicago gave them a heads up I was on retreat. Long story short, they took me and some other retreatants out for a quick sight seeing tour in Santa Cruz. We walked along the boardwalk and had clam chowder on the pier followed by a quick icecream on the way back to the San Jose airport.
On my redeye flight back to Chicago, I had plenty of time to reflect on the last few years of my life. I was able to see God´s hand in everything. Moreover, I saw just how much I was resisting the trials He has been sending my way when in reality I just needed to cooperate with His grace and that the times when I was cooperating, I was the happiest. I have arrived in Chicago with resolutions firmly in hand and my trust firmly in God´s hands. I am entering back into the chaotic life that is retail sales at my company and feel an incredible sense of peace and ease about me. I found myself describing it to a friend as feeling an entire choir of angles behind me, fortifying me with all the strength I need.
The day just prior to leaving for retreat I had an interview for a position with my company back in Syracuse. I did so well that when I got back from retreat I found that I had a second round interview. I need to tell you all that I have decided (while the end results are noble – aka, being closer to family) the decision was not based on good intentions/grounds initially and therefore I have decided to stay in Chicago for the time being and withdrew my application.
I don’t think I have ever felt so much joy, happiness and stability in my life as I have since the retreat. It piques my curiosity that as I am interacting with others now that I have returned to Chicago life, others are able to see the joy, happiness and stability in me, without me speaking a word. I feel incredible!
I have countless more stories from retreat that I would love to share so feel free to reach out sometime because I know I need to catch up with others, too.
Until next time!
