On a daily basis we are subjected to a constant bombardment to our
senses. We are continuously taking things in and filtering things out,
but some of those things stick. After hearing the same things day in
and day out you begin to not even remember that they actually have
meaning behind them. And some of those things that people say, they
don't even realize they are saying, and at one time they did have
meaning, but their repetition has destroyed that. One of those things,
that I have heard from so many people (whether or not they still have
meaning behind it) is "I wish I would have ..." or "I wish I could ..."
These
two sentences strike a chord in me, a chord that does not ring sweet,
and a chord i do not enjoy hearing the tune of. To me, these words do
not even make any practical sense. The latter of the two can make sense
I suppose, but only if it is followed up my the logical steps to ensure
the progression of the wish into a reality. But the first, however,
unless completely irrational, doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Saying
"I wish" implies that you strongly desire to do or have something. If
that desire is so strong, would you not do whatever it takes to make
that wish come true? One of the common phrase I hear is, "I wish I
could have travelled when I was younger, but now I'm married with
children and that's not feasible." OK, fine, that makes sense. But the
creator of that sentence is implying that it was not their choice to
get married and have kids and that they were forced to make that
decision over the choice of travelling. My confusion lies in this ...
is the person wishing they WOULD have wanted to travel when they were
younger, when in actual reality they did not want that at the time, but
now once they look back on their life they think it would have been
nice, but feel they are too old, or too tied down to life here to do
that now? And if they really wished they could have done that, then why
did they choose the life they did? They wouldn't trade their families
for anything in the world and what they don't realize is that what they
have is what they wished for. They wanted to create a family, and to
share their life with the ones they love. Sometimes I think we all look
into the world outside of ours for a sense of adventure and thrill and
excitement - when really the most thrilling thing of all can be
realized through creating a family. In a sense we are playing god, we
are becoming immortal. A part of you lives on forever through your
children, and grandchildren ... and so on.
So although this simple
sentence "I wish..." can be torn apart and analyzed to no end - therein
lies the source of my adventure. I am determined to never say "I wish I
would have..." It's going to be a busy life I suppose, but when it's
all said and done and I look back on my life, I'm sure there will be
things I'll be sad I didn't do, but those are the things that could
wait - while I was busy doing the things I really wished I was doing.
There
are always things in life that will tie us down. There are those credit
cards that have to be paid off, the car we just leased, the apartment
we just signed for, the house we bought, the job we've been working up
the latter in, the friends we've made, the family we've been raised in,
the relationship we've been involved in, the school degree we're trying
to finish, the savings account we're trying to build... the list is
never ending if you look for it. But it's what you choose. It's a
choice to buy a car, a house, be in a relationship, go to school, get
married ... - and all of these can be positive choices and are the
choices people make because that's what they want - pure and simple! So
if you have these - don't look outside of them for happiness and pull
out the "i wish" line - look inside your choices and know that you made
them, no one can ever force you into them.
I am not exempted from
this list, not at all. I have a family I adore, friends who have truly
formed a safety net that has saved me time and time again, a debt owed,
an apartment with a lease, and a job I actually enjoy. Every time I
travelled away from here, I felt like there was a string tied to me no
matter where I went and it stopped me from fully experiencing that new
place. It made it so hard to be happy and be completely open to new
possibilities. So through hard decisions and many changes that cause me
to uproot my life stability (which is always a false sense anyway) I
have made my life available to completing the "I wishes".
I've had a
few people say, "you're lucky you can do this now, you don't have those
things to tie you down, I can't do that because of ..." To be quite
honest these comments to me are quite ignorant - not intentionally obviously,
but nonetheless are completely ignorant. I'm not lucky that I don't
have a "career" or that I am single. It's not by the whim of fate that
I landed in a position of freedom, I made choices - big ones - hard
ones - to get to where I am. Just as hard as it is to fill life, it's
just as hard to empty it out.
So when I started to say "I wish..." I
had to make some changes. I have no problem admitting that I want it
all, and I also have no problem admitting that I will never settle for
anything except everything I want. But I also know that I will get that
all on my own. So I had a great life but decided I wanted more, so to
make room for more you have to make some adjustments, you cant cram
everything in the world into your life at one point in time, there's a
time and place for everything as it goes - problem with most of us is
that we want it all - and we want it now. and we want the changes
without having to change anything. If only it were that easy, to keep
what we love in it's perfection while still managing to grow - and yet keeping
things the same.
So I started wishing that I could travel the world
and learn how to cook in different countries. What better way to add
flare to that cookbook I'll write one day...
And this is where the
adventure begins. I figure most times I start these types of blogs is
when I'm on the road with adventures to tell of, but this time I felt
it was important to see the adventure in the making...
Oh and this
stubborn and hell bent thing ... ya that's me. I still stand firm
behind the belief that these are positive qualities haha maybe no one
who has to deal with me can see their beauty - but these are the things
that get me where I need to be and force me out of situations that
aren't everything I want them to be. My dad told me that from the very
day that I was born there was never telling me to do anything i didn't
want to do - guess some things are just there from the get go. why
fight it?!
