It is
a long time in waiting, seeing as how my last post was last year! But here for
your viewing pleasure is the wrap up to my Texan Adventure. The debrief of my
time.
Gosh
where to start? I guess the end is my beginning - My final week in Texas.
It hardly felt real that in just 7 days I would be gone. Half way around the
world; in another time zone, another climate. The last 3months had flown by and
so much had happened.
A part
of me was ready to move on, move forward to the next thing – but most of me wanted
to stay. There was still so much for me to learn, to do. Disappointingly I left Texas still never having ridden a horse,
never firing a gun and without a cowboy ;) [Hehe I think it may have been
others who were most disappointed at that last point.]
I’m
not the best at saying Goodbye, especially when I don’t really feel ready to.
But time waits for no one, and it came to the day of farewell. Not only did I
have to say goodbye, but it was dragged out over 24hrs! First up were the boys,
as I wouldn’t be there to see them off to school in the morning, so Sunday
night as bedtime rolls round, there are many hugs and “I’ll miss you”. Monday
morning and its Hona and Sara’s turn, they leave to make deliveries and won’t
be back before we leave for the airport. Some
sneaky tears creep out as I struggle to find the words to succinctly express
just how highly I value them, and the experience they’ve given me.
The
hardest goodbye is at the airport. I’ve checked in, all that’s left is to go
through security and wait at the gate. Still I lack the words to express my
gratitude and heartfelt thanks for all they’ve done over the last three months
– longer even in the planning to get me there.
Strong as I am, I can’t hold back the tears, I manage (barely) to hold my voice
steady as I say goodbye to Ralph. Getting through security I muster up all I
can to turn, smile and wave. And that’s it; we each walk through the door to
our own lives. Our next adventure is on the horizon racing towards us.
Reality isn't kind and as we takeoff, the pain of leaving such a wonderfully life changing experience behind is too much. Watching
the sun set over Austin as
we climb higher and higher I get this feeling. I still can’t really describe
it. There’s this strange symmetry for want of a better description. I arrived
at sunset. I leave at sunset. I left Brisbane in
the early morning; I’ll arrive in Brisbane in the early morning. I feel like it
should mean something – I’m yet to find a deep profound meaning.
Of all
the things I did, places I went, there is not a moment that I regret. Yes there
are some things I missed out on trying, and in there may lay some regret – yet
I know there should I truly desire to do it I will receive another opportunity
at some point in my life. My eyes and mind have been opened to a whole new
world, and once this is seen it can never be shut off, never will my world be
so small again.
Some of those small regrets are in how i spent my spare time. I
could have used it in a far more productive way then I did. Mostly I
rested whenever I had the chance. I'm thinking that maybe I didn’t need all that rest. I could
have been out, seeing some more of the surrounding country, nearby towns, or
even just sketching, painting, taking photos. But I’ve learnt. Next time I shall be more aware.
There are 2 moments which stick foremost in my mind.
These I would have to say, are the ‘best bits’. Although the entire trip, in everyday
I hold a fond memory, these are the two stories I enjoy telling the most.
First
up is the day out on the Quad. As we raced across the fields, up and down the
roads, to the highway in search of our steers. There’s an exhilaration that
comes, an adrenalin rush as you fly across the water, not knowing what’s ahead.
Now this wasn’t just a fun day, it was work. Hard work, and oh did I feel it
the next day. But it was worth it; the wind in your hair, the sun on your face,
the bugs in your teeth (mouth, eyes, nose, ears…down your shirt...). Its hard
to express the feeling, as you’re standing up on the quad using your entire
body to swing it around and turn, just able to see over the long grass where
you’re going, narrowly avoiding the worst of the boggy, marshy ground. Pure
exhilaration :D
Looking
back, I think this may have been one of the points at which I found my
confidence. I went out there that day, and didn’t shy away, not from speed, the
highway (albeit the side of the highway) nor the fact that I’d been bogged
twice that morning. I got stuck into it, and found that I can things I only
dreamt of. That day I felt like some kind of a hero, capable of anything.
The
second of my highest ranking memories, is the day Comfort and Joy were
born. I remember feeling a slight catch in my throat as I see comfort lying
there: is she alive? I look around, two other calves, each with their mamas. I
come closer, she blinks, and relief and joy wash over me. I turn to call to
Sara, pointing and gesturing “She’s alive, I saw her blink”. (I don't know if
Sara had any idea of what I was trying to say.)
But
who is her mama? She’s alone, its critical we get her reconnected with her
mama. So docile and mellow she allows Sara to come and lift her up, we get the
two of them settled on the back of my quad and we take a gentle ride up to the
preggy paddock. So soft, small and adorable we lay her in the hay as we go back
to find her mama.
Such a
strong little fighter, as our backs are turned she sneaks out through the foot of space between the ground and the first rung. Not wasting
time Comfort is on the search herself to choose a mama. :) Once
we’ve ascertained that 145 is the mother, we get the two up to join
the party in the preggy paddock, still Comfort is left alone.
There’s
one thing left to do, after giving Comfort a bottle, a kick start since we’re
unsure as to whether she got anything before her twin arrived. Its time to do a
little match making, I get to lift her, and carry her to the corner of the
paddock with the others. A
wonder of life, the softness of her fur, it was such a special moment. This
tiny calf, born merely hours early fits in my arms and is perfectly happy to be
there. Not fussy, nor squirming.
For
the next 4 days we gave her a bottle each evening, just as a boost, to make
sure she receives all she needs. All is going well, Comfort being her sweet
self, she would just lay there in the sun allowing me to walk right up to her, sit
down beside her and give a good scratch. Then she’d hop up and suck down the
whole bottle so quickly! Give a little shake of her head then totter off to her
adopted family to play with Twiggy.
Heartache
was close-by and came, when on the day before we went to Chicago for the weekend, as I’m feeding
Comfort her bottle, halfway through she leaves it. As I attempt to catch her to
give her the rest, she has the audacity to kick at me!! And after all I’ve done
for her! While we’re away
she reaffirms her decision to have kicked the bottle, when as Ralph comes in
she lets out a mighty bellow – calling in ALL the mamas within hearing!
Narrowly escaping Ralph decides that’s the last time anyone attempts to feed
her. In all this, Comfort still does and always will hold a special place
in my heart.
All in all; coming back to Brisbane has
been much harder emotionally than it was to leave. To leave meant adventure,
excitement and opportunity but that’s just not the feeling I get coming back. It’s
interesting to see that in the couple of weeks that I have been back; I have
been more homesick for Texas then I
ever was for here whilst I was gone! In all the time
growing up in a small town, thinking I was a city girl stuck in the country – I
think it may be the other way round….. My heart feels so more comfortable and
at home outside of the city.
So here is the
challenge I face: to live a metropolitan life (business dealings etc) and still
be able to make my home far from all the hustle and bustle, smog, noise and
smell of the city.
From the confidence and strength I found in Texas, I think I can do it. ;)
