The World According to Spaz The ramblings of a man from a place going to another place completely different to the first place.

1. As far as I can decipher, London has no native insects. None. Presumably the legendary fierce wrath of the English summer might lure a few stragglers, but I can't really see myself rushing out to track down mozzie coils and aeroguard any time soon. I did see a little daddy long legs crawling across my bed the other day, but it did have a backpack and sandals so I don't think it was a local.

2. Summer in London is all about drinking in the sun, and in the city, that pretty much means anywhere within a 500m radius of a pub. While drinking on the street is great and everything, the only downside is that every other mug also thinks the same way and before you know it, it's half way to morning before you've made it to the bar. Rather than fighting the unstoppable force that is the curvature of the earth, the thinking man's solution is to nip off to the off-licence, pick up a few pints of Kronies, maybe even a few packets of crisps, and head back to the "pub" to spread the cheer. Cheaper, quicker, and if you have the foresight to buy in bulk you could even make yourself a tidy little profit for your troubles.

3. Previously I thought there was only two prices in London: F@$king expensive, and "just what it costs". I have since learned of a third: "stolen". On the weekend I bought two pairs of shoes at Brick Lane markets for £9. Either somebody died in them, or they don't know they're missing, or both.

4. London water tastes like crap. That is a fact, though somewhat a subjective one. The urban myth that I've been fed is that "they reckon London water has been through people 8 times before you drink it", but I can't find anything to verify it. Still, it's got all the hallmarks of a great urban myth: it's weird but not that far fetched, it's something that can't really be proven or disproven, and it's something deep down everyone probably believes anyway. And that's why I brush my teeth with Colgate and Coke.

5. Don't ask who's going to be in the Premiership League final. There is no final. It's all worked out on points. Great.

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