ALORS my central american tale begins with a false start and an unexpected tango with the American border police. Here's what went down:
On the morning of May 1st I ventured out of Vancouver to the frontier north of Seattle to kick off my journey south. Or so I believed. Early that afternoon I nonchalantly strolled into the US border control, joking with the other passengers as the overly sombre team of True American Patriots brought out Sniffles the dog. No biggie, i thought, my bags are totally kosher. So confident was i that as Sniffles molested my backpack i was just intrigued. Maybe she took offense to the raw musk of the Brit Abroad. Either way the sitch seemed prime for a little righteous indignation: "no officer, i'm not a dangerous terrorist; can i kindly go and enjoy the audial delights of Bonobo now please?" The rough search of all of my worldly belongings was irritating (FUCK packing up all my shit twice in one morning) but not distressing. They found my glass pipe which i'd brought, naturally, it being a legally acquired Canadian memento. All good. HOWEVER it quickly became apparent that it was not "all good". Earnest conversations were held between various members of security. I was brought through to an interrogation room where i was handcuffed and throughly searched: being warned "i'm going to search your crotch now" in no way alleviates the experience of being groped by a 6'2" American male. Having returned my bags and genitals to how they'd been pre-violation i was taken again to an interrogation room and questioned. The standard 'are you aware that drugs are illegal?' spiel. The seriousness only truly hit home when he hit me with the punchline: they had discovered some minuscule, months-old evidence of marijuana residue on my pipe. The stubborn, unsmokeable friggin remnants of good times had long ago. BOOM drugs 'possession', attempt to smuggle etc etc. God. Damn. The Land of the Free may or may not be permanently closed to me - i have to plead my case to the US consulate, but they're not available for 20 days SO another time, amigos.
Mexico it is.
