So I’ve been here for a month and a half now.
The city’s exciting glow of novelty has faded for the time being as the reality of life here has become apparent. It’s certainly still fun, but it’s also very difficult. I’ve been going to voice lessons every week which has been very rewarding, but I don’t have as much time or energy really to do dance classes or other creative work. I’ve recently started working at a bar in the Village, which has been necessary to keep me from plundering my entire savings. To be honest though, it’s been a difficult step for me for a number of reasons: On one hand, I am not the kind of person who thinks it’s fun to stay up until 4am partying. I don’t find shouting at strangers above a deafening DJ dance party particularly stimulating either. I can’t even begin to divulge my disgust for the atmosphere of the place, which is a pirate-themed sports bar fully equipped with a dance cage and light-up beer pong tables. Just to drive it home for you, the bar is featured on an Internet list of the top 25 “Douchiest Bars in NYC”. On the other hand though, this job has the potential to be a stepping-stone to something much better if I stick it out. In New York, nobody wants to train waitresses, but this one is letting me so it’s quite possible that in a few months I could get a job at a much nicer place. I also feel like I need to acknowledge that my privileged upbringing has led me to feel entitled to a better occupational disposition that I don’t yet deserve. As they say, uncommon things were never accomplished in common hours. Still, maybe the fact that I despise staying up until 4am is a good sign this is not an industry I should be pursuing… I’d happily take any advice anyone has on the matter. I really don’t know what the right decision is here.
In other, happier news I get to move into my new 2-bedroom apartment this week! I’ve already gained access to it and I’m just waiting for my bed to get delivered. I’m really excited to have my own place. Not to brag, but the space is newly renovated and beautiful – it has modern recessed lighting, new hardwood floors, new appliances, A/C, laundry in the basement, and enough room to do an elaborate jig in my bedroom. The fact that it’s way uptown and a 4 flight walk-up will I’m sure prove to be annoying as all get out, but I’m going to choose to ignore those things for now because they seem to be worth the price of the place. I don’t have a roommate yet, but I should have one by the end of the month… :)
In terms of artistic stuff, I’m sure everyone is wondering what auditions I’ve gone out for, etc. But I haven’t done any auditions yet, and I’d like to explain why: I want to feel confident in my preparedness when I first go out for something here. I am doing work really great towards being ready for a major audition, but my performance is not yet up to a standard I know I’m capable of. I want to be sure my theatrical experience in New York is different from my experiences in Seattle. I think a lot of the negative feelings I had about my experience in Seattle’s theatre scene came from a place of not really knowing what I was getting myself into and taking it personally when I didn’t get the feedback I’d hoped for my work. Now that I know what I want and learning the tools to achieve it, I need to prove it to myself what I’m capable of before I make the effort to showcase it to others. I don’t blame you if you think that’s a load of bull, or that I’m just being lazy, or whatever. Sometimes I feel like that could partly be true. But regardless, I think this is the best way for me to go about getting where I want to be. And for your information, I am still working on projects that I’m really excited about: I’ve signed up to compete in a national Musical Theatre singing competition at the end of May where the finalists get to be seen by top agents in New York. I am also going to be part of the Broadway Theatre Project this summer, which is a 3-week intensive of studying with Broadway actors, choreographers, directors, etc. so basically it's boot camp for thespians. The intensive culminates in a showcase for top Casting Agents in New York, so that should be equally terrifying and motivating!
I’ve been missing home as usual, but it’s certainly making more and more sense that I’m here. Lately I’ve been forced to grow up in a way that I really wasn’t able to back home. For example, people in New York aren’t afraid to take advantage of you because we’re all competing for the same resources here (housing, socio-economic status, meaningful relationships). This has forced me to fight for my own priorities like I’ve never had to before. It is also becoming apparent that New York is in a perpetual state of upheaval, where life cannot be controlled as much as I’m used to. You never know if the train you’re supposed to take isn’t running normally on a particular day, or if the people talking in another language are making fun of you, or if Trader Joe’s will be out of that one item you’ve schlepped across town to find! I guess you could say I’m being forced to let go of my need for constancy in a way, and I have a feeling that’s a really good thing...
