If Phuket was pronounced with a short "u" sound (which it's not) it would complement the mentality of many visitors here: “Aw Phuket, man, I don’t care what it costs…I’m on vacation!” Unfortunately, I’m not able to subscribe to the same philosophy. I have a long way to go on this trip, and I’ve got to stay within my allotted budget no matter what. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been reluctant to call this Around-the-World adventure a “vacation”. While I don’t want to deny myself the opportunity to see the sites I’ve always wanted to see, it’s not like I have the means to act as if I’m on holiday at the beach.
But the beaches of Phuket Island are some of the best in the world, and I wanted to see them while I’m in Thailand, although I won’t be staying at the Club Med (FYI: there really is a Club Med here). I managed to find a discount flight from Bangkok, which got out late (as usual) but only took an hour. While I waited to leave the gate, it looked as if the seat next to me would be vacant. But then, at the last minute, a long-haired older guy with a bandana around his head, that I can best describe to my fellow Big Lebowski fans as “The Dude” hurried his way onto the craft and sat down beside me. After a couple of minutes he asked, “Do you speak English?” And so began my hour-long conversation with Larry from Alaska, recently retired, and riding a motorcycle through Southeast Asia with his wife. Like me, Larry doesn’t know when to stop talking, and we discussed his Kentucky upbringing, and last year’s haul to Sturgis on his Harley. On another flight from another place, I might’ve been annoyed with it all, but in this case, it was nice to have a conversation with a badass American biker while flying over Thailand.
Once we touched down in Phuket, it was the typical circus outside the terminal; “Hey, where you go?” “Taxi?”” Tuk-Tuk?” I almost got into a cab, but remembering Anina from Cambodia, decided to take the cheap option and tag along in a cramped minivan. This saved me $15, but I knew it would not save me time. After riding with ten other hot and helpless passengers for about an hour, we were dumped off at a travel agency, where a gentleman devised a route based on which hotels were staying at. I was informed that my stop would be the last. But, lucky for me, the driver read the sheet backwards, and I was out of the minivan and searching for my guesthouse in no time.
I went in circles for a while, but finally found my accommodation at the Valero Guest House in Patong Beach. Run by an amiable Basque named Inigo, he kindly showed me to my room, told me the pool hours don’t apply to me so long as I’m quiet, and gave me pointers on what to do and see around the island. I think he sensed that I wanted to do more than just party, which is the chief concern of most visitors to Patong. I washed up, and since it was already twilight, decided I might as well check out the infamous nightlife while I’m awake.
Patong is like Myrtle Beach on acid. It’s just as tacky, with just as many rednecks pushing their kids around in strollers (except that they’re Australians and call their strollers “prams”) but they’re walking their young’uns by go-go dancers and transvestites. Like Khao San road in Bangkok, I saw many an Aussie “chunder” into a wastebasket, and bore witness to the same types of debauchery. And like Khao San road, it did not interest me one bit. I decided to find as peaceful a bar as possible, get some supper and limit myself to two Singhas before heading back.
Since I’ve never liked large crowds of drunkards, and the element that naturally preys upon them, I didn’t bring my wallet and limited myself to a very small amount of cash, lest it be picked from my pocket. I found a quiet spot, ate some dinner, and had a decent time playing Connect Four with an otherwise bored bartender. After I was finished, I was sure I’d paid with a 1000 baht (about $32) note, but only received change for 100. I spoke up, but made sure I saved face. They kept saying, “Check your money!” but I wasn’t about to whip out what little I had left. Politely, but obviously perturbed, I bid them farewell. I wasn’t until later that I realized I really did give them only 100 baht, and it made me think. Since I’ve been away, I’ve seen acquaintances get Russian rubles snuck into their change, and had numerous shysters try to separate me from my money. But in this case, I made the honest mistake of mixing a $1000 baht note with a $100 baht note (which isn’t hard to do, considering that they’re both about the same color and have the exact same picture of the king on them) and I let paranoia get the best of me. I thought, “I want to be vigilant, but not to the point that I can’t trust anyone.”
The next morning, I woke up worried about the weather forecast, and about a story on BBC regarding a drug-resistant strain of Malaria found in Thailand. Again, paranoia was pestering me. Any friend of mine knows how little stock I put in news anchors and meteorologists. Eventually, I put on my clothes and set out to seize the day. I ended up renting a moped for $7, and it was the best decision I could’ve made, because it gave me the freedom to explore the entire southern half of Phuket Island. I saw other more tranquil beaches, met a guy who lives in Kata Beach from Jacksonville, Florida (he was proud to show me the “house he owns in Thailand” – a 10’x10’ bamboo hut) rode by rubber plantations, elephant nurseries, mountain vistas and glistening shorelines. It completely changed my perspective of Phuket from Podunk to Paradise. That afternoon, I found a little beach where I went for a swim in the Indian Ocean (now I can add another body of water to my bucket list) and enjoyed a serene sunset. It was exactly what I hoped it would be. For a moment, I toyed with the idea of scrapping the rest of my trip just to stay in Phuket and do nothing. Of course, I wouldn’t really do that, but what I’m saying is that Phuket is hands-down one of the most beautiful examples of God’s creation I have ever seen. I can’t wait to hop on my moped and check out the north side tomorrow. I hear that there is a waterfall nearby, and a village of sea gypsies.
